I Am Not Giving Up, I Am Winning

I read a couple of blogs today that really touched me and made me cry.  These two women for different reasons have such low self worth and they reminded me of how I feel deep inside.... the part I try to hide from everyone.  The part that wonders if I am good enough? ..  I hold her back and tell her that she is, she is more than worth it but somewhere deep inside I doubt it.

This time though, I am not going to eat that lack of self worth, I am not going to sit in my house because of my lack of self worth... I am going to eat healthy, I am going to walk.  Regardless of how that part of me feels, I will acknowledge her but I will not feed that fear.  It has taken me a long time... a very long time to stand up to that part of me and say, I know you have valid feelings but eating junk and sitting on my butt is not helping. 

I have to do something different for us, I have to be strong for both of us... that little girl inside that feels worthless needs me to make things different for her.. So, no matter how hard it is, I am staying the course.  Nothing and I mean nothing will get me off course this time. I am dedicated to this, dedicated to seeing this through to wherever it leads. I am grateful for my tenacity and that I dig deep and keep challenging myself.

The old me would have said, it is too hot... hop on the bus... look at your face, you are so red, people are looking!!  This won't change... just give in.  This is what I have to say to her, I don't care how hot it is, I am walking, I don't care how red my face gets, everyone can look... who cares... All this walking will change me! I can already see it in less then two weeks.  I started out with a 20-25 minute walk where I thought I might pass out... I didn't... I walked  again the next day.  Each day gets easier ... new challenges come along but I just keep knocking them down, one after the ofter.

I walked almost five miles today... I never would have thought that was possible.  I did it and it was incredibly hot today, I didn't care about the heat, my sweating or my red face.. what I care about is showing that little girl inside of me that burying her feelings with food or other addictions never brought her joy, how about giving something else a try.  She is hard to reach but I am not letting her win by giving up... I am going to win this time... which means she will too.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥