Everyone always says that good things come to those who wait, I have used it myself from time to time. I wonder how true this is when I see so many people are having such a difficult time with no end in sight. Then I think maybe it's because they are thinking negatively and you draw to you whatever you think. Maybe that's why I don't have who I want in my life right now because he can sense that I wonder if I deserve to have him. I try to be positive but when a person has been disappointed so many times, it is hard to keep yourself up. Do I still believe that if you think good thoughts and are grateful for all that you have that eventually you will have what you want, I do! I just think I have made the road longer by not believing fully that I deserve the best.
So, I have decided to patiently wait for what I want, everything else has come to me, this will too. In the meantime, I plan to work on myself and make myself worthy of what I want. I am trying to be present while eating so that I don't just eat to stuff feelings down, I am fianlly seeing some results. It has been slow going but if I really want to be honest, the weight didn't go on overnight, it will take some time to come off. Next, I need to incorporate some exercise, eating right is great but without exercise it might take a whole lot longer. So, going to attempt to get back to the gym and put some effort in, it will be great to see some real results. I should be able to do this in the next couple of weeks when hopefully I change shifts so that I can go to the gym after work.
I don't want the weight to own me and control how I feel, I want to be able to just get up and go, feeling the best that I possibly can. I just need to put the effort out there, do what I am able and I am sure the rest will take care of itself.
Is Forever Enough?
I had another restless sleep last night, never ending dreams, the kind that make it hard to really to feel rested. Then I made it to work and had tough calls and then became all emotional because of it. What is wrong with me? Why can't I get a handle on my feelings? Thank goodness for my cubicle so people couldn't see my melt downs.
I also keep thinking about how I accept less then what I deserve, I am always trying to please who I want, thinking it will show how much I care. It is never enough though, it seems people want the uncertainty, instead of having what they know. Why is it that I don't feel that I am good enough being just me? Maybe because when I feel someone likes me for me they walk away.
I think relationships are difficult enough without having the right chemistry. With me, I have to have butterfly feelings where my belly does flip flops when a man kisses me. If I don't have that, it is meaningless and not worth it at all. There have been very few men in my life that I have kissed that know how to kiss. It always amazes me, you would think that a man would want to kiss a woman properly so that she would be his forever. Kissing does that for me, if a man can kiss and he can give me butterfly flip flops than he can pretty well have my heart. That is a rare thing to find in life, I had it once before and I knew when I lost it that if was really something hard to lose, I had a difficult time getting over that and then I finally did and now I want the kind of guy that is there all the time, just talking, watching a movie, cuddling, we don't have to talk all the time, silence is great sometimes. I just want someone who wants to be with me, just being there. Someone to snuggle up to every night, someone to wake up to every morning.
Only forever is enough anymore, I need that, I deserve that. I don't want to accept less anymore, accepting anything less is not loving myself enough.
I wouldn't want to change my past as I would not be who I am today but I don't want to keep repeating the same things over and over. Challenges are fine, they help you grow but when it is the same one, it makes me wonder what I haven't learned yet?
I also keep thinking about how I accept less then what I deserve, I am always trying to please who I want, thinking it will show how much I care. It is never enough though, it seems people want the uncertainty, instead of having what they know. Why is it that I don't feel that I am good enough being just me? Maybe because when I feel someone likes me for me they walk away.
I think relationships are difficult enough without having the right chemistry. With me, I have to have butterfly feelings where my belly does flip flops when a man kisses me. If I don't have that, it is meaningless and not worth it at all. There have been very few men in my life that I have kissed that know how to kiss. It always amazes me, you would think that a man would want to kiss a woman properly so that she would be his forever. Kissing does that for me, if a man can kiss and he can give me butterfly flip flops than he can pretty well have my heart. That is a rare thing to find in life, I had it once before and I knew when I lost it that if was really something hard to lose, I had a difficult time getting over that and then I finally did and now I want the kind of guy that is there all the time, just talking, watching a movie, cuddling, we don't have to talk all the time, silence is great sometimes. I just want someone who wants to be with me, just being there. Someone to snuggle up to every night, someone to wake up to every morning.
Only forever is enough anymore, I need that, I deserve that. I don't want to accept less anymore, accepting anything less is not loving myself enough.
I wouldn't want to change my past as I would not be who I am today but I don't want to keep repeating the same things over and over. Challenges are fine, they help you grow but when it is the same one, it makes me wonder what I haven't learned yet?
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