Today was a day that I was dreading, wondering if I would or could say what I needed to. I somehow had the courage to stand up and say it. I had to go to family court about visitation rights and I did not back down or give in, I felt strong after I finally stood up for myself against my ex. I told the judge it was not my responsibility to take our daughter back and forth to the supervised visitation. When the judge asked me who or how I proposed for this to happen? I just stated that it was not for me to propose or come up with a solution, I was not the one who did the things he did that caused him to have to have supervised visitation, so basically it is his problem to solve.
We are going back to court and I think Andrey will finally realize he isn't in Russia any longer, he lives in Canada where women stand up for themselves. I am not the little mouse I was, I am no longer under his thumb, I am strong and I will make sure he knows that he might have had me down at one time but I will never be out. I am a fighter and a survivor.
As I left the family court, I instantly thought of this song, I love it, it truly empowers woman, I am invincible.
I Am Woman (Helen Reddy)
I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again
CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
CHORUS
I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
FADE
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
Feeling More Myself
I haven't been sick for over 2 years and then I finally became sick, almost a week ago. It wasn't the worst I have felt but it never feels good when you are ill. I ended up having to take the day off work and anyone who knows me, knows that I never take time off work. I usually go, no matter how I feel but as the morning went on, I could see that it wouldn't be a good idea for me or for work for me to go. So, even though I despise taking time off, I took the day for me.
It ended up being a good thing, I got some much needed rest. Cindy came over and she helped me get the laundry done and I was able to get the dishes done. Then I laid down for a few hours, it helped to rejuvenate me. Although I am not 100%, I do feel a lot better! Sometimes we just need to take a day for ourselves, a day to listen to our bodies and rest.
I am hoping I can go for another run of 2 years or more before I get ill again, it has been great not getting sick just like that. Tomorrow is a long day for me, I have a busy day at work. Then I see my councillor, it has been three weeks. I wonder if she can handle me chatting for a whole hour, non stop. Good thing my life can be entertaining at times (for other people, lol).
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so stubborn, it gets me in trouble. It has served me well in some aspects of my life except for where I want it to serve me. I wish I could figure out why some things are so easy and why others are so hard. It's like I have a mental block when it comes to having what I want more than anything in my life. I often wonder if I am fearful that if I actually received what I wanted that it wouldn't be as good as I always hoped.
I am still willing to take the chance though, even if it were short term because, honestly what is a life if you have never loved? A pretty boring life! I am one person who doesn't want to live a boring life, I crave excitement, passion and love. I deserve it like anyone else, I just have to believe, like I believe with anything else in my life that works out easy.
Don't get me wrong, nothing in life is simple. It's just that when I strongly believe in certain things, they seem to come easier, like the job I want, the place I want to live...etc. Love and relationships take a lot more work, the kind I am willing to invest in but it is not all up to me. Maybe that is the difference. I have to have the other person believe as much and be willing to take the chance too. I am not good at leaving my fate in other peoples hands but I have do what I can and then just believe.
It ended up being a good thing, I got some much needed rest. Cindy came over and she helped me get the laundry done and I was able to get the dishes done. Then I laid down for a few hours, it helped to rejuvenate me. Although I am not 100%, I do feel a lot better! Sometimes we just need to take a day for ourselves, a day to listen to our bodies and rest.
I am hoping I can go for another run of 2 years or more before I get ill again, it has been great not getting sick just like that. Tomorrow is a long day for me, I have a busy day at work. Then I see my councillor, it has been three weeks. I wonder if she can handle me chatting for a whole hour, non stop. Good thing my life can be entertaining at times (for other people, lol).
Sometimes I wish I wasn't so stubborn, it gets me in trouble. It has served me well in some aspects of my life except for where I want it to serve me. I wish I could figure out why some things are so easy and why others are so hard. It's like I have a mental block when it comes to having what I want more than anything in my life. I often wonder if I am fearful that if I actually received what I wanted that it wouldn't be as good as I always hoped.
I am still willing to take the chance though, even if it were short term because, honestly what is a life if you have never loved? A pretty boring life! I am one person who doesn't want to live a boring life, I crave excitement, passion and love. I deserve it like anyone else, I just have to believe, like I believe with anything else in my life that works out easy.
Don't get me wrong, nothing in life is simple. It's just that when I strongly believe in certain things, they seem to come easier, like the job I want, the place I want to live...etc. Love and relationships take a lot more work, the kind I am willing to invest in but it is not all up to me. Maybe that is the difference. I have to have the other person believe as much and be willing to take the chance too. I am not good at leaving my fate in other peoples hands but I have do what I can and then just believe.
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