Life Is A Circle Of Feelings


I want to thank everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes, they were incredibly sweet... I had a quiet birthday with Valentina, which ended up being exactly what I wanted. I wasn't able to go para sailing as I had originally wished but I wasn't able to find someone to go with... and we ended up having massive thunder and lightening... so I am sure I will get there in time. 


Also, thank you all for the encouragement to keep working towards being organized, I spent Friday with that lady who helped me before, we were able to clean and organize all six closets. Most of the time was spent on Valentina's two closets, teenagers can be pack rats and so messy. I allowed her to have some say as it is her room but I encouraged her to purge as much as possible. Her two closets took more time than the four other closets combined. 
I feel like by being organized that first I feel lighter, I instantly know where my items are and I want to keep it up, second it's easier to clean when there isn't so many items in the way. With all this, I am encouraged to keep eating healthy, which is even more of a reason to keep this up. The exercise is really coming along slowly due to the weight gain which causes pain, however; I have lost some weight by eating properly and I believe it will get easier with time once I lose a little bit more weight. I have decided that a bike is a good way for me to go, it will be less stress on my knees and help my quads to become stronger. That way I can take a couple of bike rides down the trail each day. 

I've had a major challenge that normally would have put me into a tailspin where I would have just ate so that I wouldn't have to feel the sadness and pain but I don't want to fall backwards and I know eating won't help me in the long run, I would just feel more unhealthy and uncomfortable... I am in charge of how I feel and how I will react. Just because someone accepted less doesn't mean that I have too... actually I have to say I feel sorry for the people that accept much less then they deserve. 
With saying all this I will always be there for those people, if a person realizes the choices that they made were not really the best, they need for their family/friends to just be there for them... no judgement ... we all make poor choices in our lives and honestly it is easier to admit it if you know you have someone who will never judge you and try to tell you they told you so... Forgiveness really comes with letting it go and not trying to be the right one... 

I know life is about trials that bring emotions we need to learn how to handle... because if we don't figure out how to deal with them, they just keep coming back to us until we do understand... This past month of organizing has given me a clarity, having less clutter really frees me up to deal with emotions I have buried... ones that were too painful to deal with at the time. Life really is a circle of feelings, knowing this reminds me that sadness really can turn into joy in time...
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Nothing Is Impossible With Change

I don't think I can explain how good it feels to be organized, since I have made that a priority I have had the time and desire to plan my meals. I know what I have and I know where everything is... every night I come home from work I immediately go to the kitchen, start preparing a meal that I have planned.  I never go to bed without washing dishes, it is so nice to wake up to a clean kitchen. I can feel some opposition from myself at times but I push through and I am happy when I do. I end up enjoying my evenings so much more as I can relax and enjoy whatever I plan on doing. 

Valentina isn't as thrilled with it as I am reminding her often of what she needs to do to help me keep up.  Her room still isn't completely organized but that is on the top of my list on Friday... I have a vacation day and I am going to spend it with the lady who has helped me organize before. I think if Valentina can have a place for everything, she will feel like keeping it that way... I am well aware of how overwhelming it can be when you have an abundance of items and no idea where to put them.
I feel like I am on the path I had strayed from after the new year... the exercise is coming slowly but I am okay with that for now as I want to work up to daily activity so that one it will be a way of life again and two I won't go overboard and injure myself... especially since I have put weight on... The really good thing is that I feel better about my food choices and physically I am feeling better with those decisions. I have made a commitment to myself which I know is the only way to be successful... the truth is no one can do it for me... 

Next Saturday is my birthday and I have some plans for this milestone... none of the ideas I have include cake or treating myself. I think that is great for some people... for me I need to stay focused and honestly I am quite thrilled with the food that I am eating, I am enjoying the flavor that comes from good fruit and vegetables ... I am not feeling the least bit restricted, I am more aware of what I am eating and appreciating it more. 
I won't be using my blog to write about how much weight I lose... I will write about what is working for me and how I am feeling from week to week... Besides how much weight I lose is not as important as how I feel... I believe that making small changes will build on bigger changes which will ultimately help me to be more successful. I have always known that losing weight isn't the most difficult thing, maintaining it is the trial... I have confidence that it is possible if I continue to have a strong desire. 

What I learned from the past 6-7 months of eating as I pleased and not allowing myself to be aware is that whether I like to admit it or not... it was a decision I made. I also know it's important not to blame myself for poor choices, if I change them that is the best way to move on... will I fall again? More than likely but I am more mindful and with the knowledge I have, it means I can't really allow myself to fall too far and say it's impossible to turn the choice around... I know the truth, it is possible...
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