Dealing With Reality

I had planned to write a few blogs in advance but I had a massive to do list before I went in for surgery; I had to deal with reality... so I probably won't post until I am home; unless I can figure how to post from my phone. 

I probably should rest as much as I can while I'm there.  I had a huge panic attack today... I was faint, I could barely breathe, I was sweaty....that one lasted ten minutes.   I had a couple more throughout the day but they were shorter.

I accomplished almost everything I needed to do, the rest can wait. I wanted to thank all of you for your good wishes and prayers, I appreciate all of them.

I could see that I've been scattered lately and a bit emotional... I think worry due to the surgery.  Plus I have to face reality head on and sometimes it sucks so much, all I can do is cry...

Things happen in life that are truly unfair... truly not right, yet we have to accept it if we are to progress. I know I need to be more positive and joyful... I will be again... I need to go down this path so that I can climb each step to the top.

As difficult as it's going to be, it's a necessity, besides no one said life is fair... it's what I do with this challenge in the future... I plan to succeed and learn from all my trials.

I'll catch up with all your blogs once I am home recuperating... I can hardly wait to be able to blog when I get an idea... instead if writing notes for later.  Have a great week everyone!

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Seen, Heard And Valued

Last night made me think about if I really pay attention to what other people are feeling, I really hope that I do because I wouldn't like to know that I may be saying things that could hurt or affect them and not even realize it.  Why was I thinking this?  I had this happen last night and I wondered if they even realized what they were saying might be affecting me?  Well, I was affected... and I'm not sure how they couldn't have seen...

This makes me wonder how connected we are as people? More like we are too disconnected.... Do we think about what we are saying to each other or are we just on auto pilot, talking to be talking?  It has made me think twice about what I say and what feelings it might illicit in the person I am speaking with.  I wondered if I should say something... something like, don't you see that what you are talking about is upsetting me?  I felt somewhat invisible... I felt like my feelings didn't matter... yet they didn't see.

This is especially difficult when the person who is saying the words that affect you and they seem oblivious... is a person that is supposed to know you inside out.  Maybe no one really knows me inside, I guess I only show what I want other people to see.  I wonder if we don't all do this to a certain degree... Now more than ever, I don't feel safe being me, saying what I feel.  This isn't the way to deal with challenges, I need to handle them head on...

I don't understand

Everyday I try, I think I can handle this

Then nights like this happen

I wonder how you say some things

Things that make me cry

I wonder if you even know?

Or do you think everything is fine?

It's not fine, I'm still sad

Tonight I questioned what the payoff was?

I didn't like my answer

Either way I lose...  

Why do I always have lose?

I don't know which loss is harder...

Which one will be what I can handle..

Neither choice is good

Both are painful at best

I'm happy and at peace with me...

I'm twisted about you

Maybe I really have to do something I've never done

To get different results.

 

 

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥