How About We Stop Pretending?

I know most of us put on persona's or facades, sometimes because we think that is what people want to see, others because we want to appear stronger than we might be... sometimes because we fear if we give into how we are really feeling behind the facade that we may always remain there. I am here today, taking the facade off... I am struggling in all parts of my life... not just slightly struggling but all out overwhelming struggles. Do I think I am the only one, not at all... however; I think we don't share it enough because we are sure people will either judge us or try to tell us to just think positively. 

There are times that thinking positively does not make things better... and no I don't think any of us should wallow in negativity, I agree we need to keep reaching and working on attaining a positive attitude. Yet, I think we also need to admit when we are feeling weak and possibly out of control. I actually don't think that it is weak to admit that... it is like people that are dealing with addictions, they need to be able to admit their weakness in the open so that they can gain strength from people . Often it is admitting their weaknesses that helps them to become strong in time. 

 

I have been struggling with every aspect of my life, there is no where that I am excelling... usually I have my writing that helps to elevate me... and in part it still does but... if I am not truthfully saying how I am feeling and what is really going on in my life... am I being authentic? That is not me, if anything I am extremely authentic but lately I haven't been, I have just been muddling through... thinking if I can just keep pushing forward I will get to a place that I don't feel so out of control... However; I just feel more and more overwhelmed. 

Before I go any further, I hope people can understand that no one really knows what is going on inside of someone. Just because everything looks okay on the outside doesn't mean it is... and just because things look good on the outside doesn't mean any of us has the right to make a judgement of that person. Since I have not been really speaking my truth, it has been spilling out to where it is now showing on the outside. Personally if I don't deal with my feelings by being open about them, they come out in other ways. I am sure we can all say the same thing... in no way do I feel that I am the only one. 

I can no longer sit here and say or pretend everything is okay, it isn't... I spoke about how I don't handle disappointment well... lately it keeps coming back to me about how my life is no where near what I had hoped it to be... I understand that often we have to give up what we thought we should be to become what we are supposed to become. I have given up a lot of those dreams and honestly nothing is replacing them. What am I working towards? Just working for another 15 plus years...? What is good about that? 

Plus I was injured again this week, it was a freak incident... I just put my foot down and I hyper extended my knee... I couldn't walk for days and even now that I can, I still feel tenderness and pain... my physio therapist says it will probably be 4-6 weeks before I am back to myself... yes I can walk again but nothing like what I could... I need to be able to walk, it is my stress reliever... I don't know what else to use right now... I feel like I am falling further, wondering if I will find a way to stop free falling ... ?

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Soaring Above My Past With Forgiveness

 

The New Year always brings reflection, hope, change...  I was reading an article the other day and I saw the above quote, I have seen it many times before but it resonated with me in a way it never had before. I have talked about how important it is to forgive others, I can honestly say I have forgiven many people for the hurt and pain they inflicted on me or others I love... Yet there is one person that I have not forgiven until now, she has done more damage in my life than anyone I know, she has caused me a great deal of sadness and she continues to watch me, I know this as she accidentally follows my pages on social media. 

 

I continued to react to her for the last couple of years, until recently I decided that honestly she isn't worth any reaction, thought or feeling. It is not my place to judge her for what she does and doesn't deserve, it's my place to forgive her and move on. She has taken up too much time and energy in my mind for the past couple of years, I realized she was getting the drama she craved, I will no longer waste another moment of my time thinking about her.  She is nothing to me... for 2016 I am forgiving her and moving on... I suggest she does the same but that will be her decision. 

Saying all this, I took some time to think about that quote and how I needed to stop wishing the past was any different... I know that I had held on to that hope way too long, so long that it just depressed me. Just because something didn't work out the way it should have doesn't mean that it shouldn't have, it just means we all have our free agency and we just have to move on from decisions good or bad. Besides, the choices we all make have consequences, that is how life works. I don't want to be the girl who draws negative energy or drama, I am not that girl, nor do I ever want to be. 

I want this to be the year that I soar, the year I make positive changes that take me in a direction that will bring me joy. I have a couple of ideas in mind to get me there, this was the first thing I needed to do, until I REALLY forgive her and move on, I will never get to the next level... and I WANT to get to the next level, I deserve that and honestly so does she but that will be her choice. I am going to stop wishing the past could have been different, it isn't and no amount of wishing will change it....

One day, I will have the answers to my questions but today I am putting them away and moving on and learning the art of letting go... I have talked about it in the past, even thought I was ready to do it, thought being the operative word... today I am ready... I want to feel that power of freedom, it's a gift I want to give myself... I know I am ready because it is a gift I want to give her too... I hope she accepts it. 

I don't make resolutions in the New Year, I am of the mind that when I find something I want to change, I do it then... specific dates never work for me, I just have to do it... I alone hold myself back, it is a hard pill to swallow when I admit the truth, no one holds me back but me... Life is an ever learning process, sometimes incredibly hard but the truth is without those difficult challenges, we would never be able to become our best selves... I want the hard edges sanded off to soften me even if it's painful... because that is where I will soar.

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I Am Requesting Prayers and Positive Thoughts for my 'D'

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore. 

UPDATE:

I will write more tomorrow... my David okay, he made it through the surgery, it was very serious.. I am really grateful to everyone for their prayers and positive thoughts... 

Tomorrow is the big day, the big scary day for me... David is going in for surgery at 11:00 am Alberta time, which will be about 2:00 pm my time.  We talked today, he said the surgeon is known to be very good.... I hope so.  Of course I won't hear anything until my David is alert and able to text me, that might not be until the next day. Maybe someone will post it on his Facebook wall, I know I will be on pins and needles until I know he is okay.  I told him that I will be posting a request on Facebook for prayers and good thoughts for him, I am not above begging for my David.  Whatever your belief system is, could you either pray or send out positive thoughts for him?  He means a great deal to me, I am pretty sure that anyone who reads my blog is well aware of that but just in case you didn't know and might have been living under a rock, my David is extremely important to me.

Today with all the worry I have, he set about to make me laugh, he is always trying to make me smile or laugh.. he is funny and he tries to see the lighter side of things.  It is a good trait to have, it is not always easy for him as he has had many difficult trials in the past few years... however; he tries very hard to not let it get him down.  I took an opportunity to go for a jog/walk today, I did my 5K in 47.4 minutes, almost as good as last week.  It was raining today, so I was a little nervous of slipping on a leaf so I was a little more careful than usual.  I was soaked by the time I got home but it felt great, I was tired but in a good way if you know what I mean.  The muscles in my legs had been sore but after this workout, they started feeling better, I really stretched them out.  What I am really hoping is that I am able to sleep, although I don't hold out a lot of hope that, that will happen. I didn't sleep much before my own operation and I tend to worry more for other people than myself... I think most of us do.  Besides this is my David...

I have to say something, it isn't about one person... I might have even been guilty of this in the past.  I am not pointing fingers but why must we do everything we can to tear another person down?  Why would we not want to lift each other up? Just because we don't always think like someone else, why do we feel the need to take that opportunity to be nasty to each other?  I personally do not want to be nasty to anyone... I may have been in the past, I am not perfect but the older that I get the less I want to be mean or hurtful to other people.  We are all dealing with our own baggage in life, none of us have a simple life, (it only looks like it sometimes).

First there is an incident at work, I was shocked at how some people talk to each other, we are in this together... we should be lifting each other up, working together.  Not trying to pull each other down, I myself had some small incidents with people from other regions in the past and it made me sad that there was any hurt feelings between us but I certainly work very hard to get along with the people that I work with on the floor...  we are a diverse group of people, we have different things going on in our personal lives but the last thing I want to do is make it any harder for any of my co-workers.  I would hope that everyone would want this too... we have to see each other everyday, let's try to get along.

The second incident was through a church friend, for some reason someone felt it was okay to be mean to her for a belief she had, the other person was a church member too... Really?  I love both of these people, I respect both of them... I am sad that one of them would feel the need to be mean to the other, leaving the first person to cry.  That is not what we are about, we are about love, kindness, service.  If one of us is having a bad day, let's talk about it, let's pray for each other, let's remember we are all fighting our own battles. Most of all, let us all forgive each other and move on...

I just had to say this because I feel like sometimes we don't think when we talk, we forget that each and every human being is having it rough, not one of us gets by in this life and has it simple.  If you do, great for you but I don't believe that, we all have one challenge after another, either from our own making from decisions we have made (I have had a lot of those) or from life challenges.  If you have something you have to work out with someone, take that opportunity to do it, you don't want regrets... I know I don't want any regrets myself.

I hope you will all take a moment to either pray for or send out good thoughts for my David, I will and would do the same for you at anytime.  Just ask and I would be more than happy to include you in my prayers. Thank you.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥ 

I Am Going To Re-teach People How To Treat Me

I probably shouldn't post tonight, I am irate... Oooo, I don't like feeling this way but for whatever reason I let some people bring this out in me... Normally I just don't hang around these people but for some people I allow them to frustrate me and get away with it... This is something I need to change... why am I so afraid to stand up to certain people.  I think what I need to get into my head somehow is that if I say what I feel and they don't like it, then so be it... If I don't feel safe enough to say how I am feeling, why are they in my life.

Why do I feel the need to keep people in my life that don't deserve me?  It's like I think so little of myself that I am afraid I will lose those people and I would be lost... REALLY???  How about they would be lost without me?  I wonder if they ever think of that...? Probably not, because they see that no matter what they say or do that I still let them in my life.  I don't have a problem telling a person that is being mean and hurtful to me to move on ... I have problems saying it to others who just say insensitive things without even thinking.  Maybe I should tell them how insensitive they are and let the chips fall where they may.

If they can't understand that they are hurting me, maybe they need to be told... than they can either stop or stay out of my life.  Who wants anyone in their life that doesn't bring them up?  Not me anymore... I don't know what it is in my DNA that I allow anyone to be that way with me.  I try very hard not to be insensitive... I try to think of the other persons feelings. I swear I have a tattoo on my forehead that says... please walk all over me... it is only visible to those people.

My rant is over... instead of continuing to rant... I am going to confront those people and say how I feel... what is the worst thing that could happen?  I could lose them... Oh well, right at this moment, I think I could care less... Ultimately long term they will realize they have lost something even better... ME! I am very faithful, honest, open, caring and loving with my friends... you would think they wanted to be the same way with me... maybe not...

I guess I just needed to say how I felt and now I feel a bit better... I am still going to stand up to those people and tell them they are aggravating me with their insensitivity ... otherwise they might never know.  Besides, like I wrote the other night, any man future or otherwise should feel lucky if I give them a chance... I deserve for someone to feel lucky to have me.  My friends should try to remember this... The saying is true, You Teach People How To Treat You!  

I wanted to end this on a positive note after starting it out with so much frustration...  Today I was able to walk for over 3 miles, I am so pleased with myself... I even have blisters and I don't care, I am going to walk as much as I possibly can... I do need to eat a little more food than I am eating... I am not eating enough... for some reason, the more I walk the less I want to eat which isn't good as I am not even eating the minimum calories and I am expending so much energy, my body will think it is going into starvation mode (which makes me laugh since I am far from starving) However, I understand that my body doesn't get that... it just thinks I am depriving it.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Changing Insecurities To Strengths

Last night I went to post and my computer was acting up.  I had to do a total reboot with the system verification.  I ended up going to bed as I had my doctors appointment today, the leg is looking better daily... I have a follow up in a month and it looks like I will be back to work in two weeks.  Unfortunately I will still be having my leg wrapped and using my lovely cane but it will be good to get back to having day to day contact with everyone.

I read the above quote about how we compare ourselves to others but not in the same light.  It's like the way we judge each other as women to whether we work in the home or outside of the home.  I know we all have an opinion on this one way or the other, I actually feel like I am a better mother working outside of the home.  I also have to work as I am a one income family but even if I wasn't I would want to work or at least  volunteer.  Besides Valentina is going to be ten years old.... I think it is wonderful if a woman can stay home and raise her children, however; in this economy it is not always plausible.

What I don't understand more than anything is why any of us would want to tear another one of us down, we know how it feels, we know how difficult we would be making it for someone else. We know what insecurities that it can cause to another person, yet we somehow blind ourselves to how our words, actions or judgements can really affect someone. 

Taking someone down will never lift us up, it will only serve to lower us even more.  I believe in positive reinforcement to each other and definitely a lot less judgment... Instead of judging anyone, how about helping them out, finding out their story... giving service.


The last quote just touched me and I have been thinking about all of my insecurities but mostly the ones I have when I am in love.  When a relationship doesn't work out, I immediately start critiquing myself, it must be because of one or more shortcomings I never fail to see.  I have been feeling a little lost in those insecurities about myself due to all the emotional things going on in my life.  I think it's sad that I pick myself apart to find out why something didn't work out instead of thinking it just might be outside forces.

Old habits are hard to break but not impossible, I have worked hard to not judge another person, now I just need to apply that to myself more.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Gaining Strength Through Adversity

First I want to apologize but I had to put on the comment moderation due to the fact that there has been so much spam lately.  You just won't be able to see your comment immediately.  I also wanted to give you a quick update on my leg.  I am healing slowly... I have got out for two small walks... maybe 15 to 30 minutes, a bit exhausting for me but I am taking my time.

Wellness, ease, synchronicity, and tiny miracles are delicious indicators that I'm in tune with myself, my message, my purpose, and my innermost essence. ~ Dina Proctor

This quote touched me to the core, for this has been true in my life, when I am in tune with myself, I am peaceful with me.  Lately I have been going through something personal that I haven't talked about because I have decided to be as positive and uplifting that I can be on my blog.  So, I have been coping with this on my own, I am finding that although it is painful... I can see how it will be okay, eventually.

This is just a process that I have to go through so that I can be in tune with myself... to really understand my innermost essence.  It's because I can see that everything will work out the way it was meant to that I can get through this most painful time.  I am grateful that I know this will only be short term, this won't last.

One day I even hope to look back and see that I became stronger because of it and maybe I will even be able to smile... That is when we really learn the lesson and we stop making the same mistake over and over.  I still have many of those lessons to learn, I am taking them one at a time....

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all." ~ Walt Disney

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Dealing With Reality

I had planned to write a few blogs in advance but I had a massive to do list before I went in for surgery; I had to deal with reality... so I probably won't post until I am home; unless I can figure how to post from my phone. 

I probably should rest as much as I can while I'm there.  I had a huge panic attack today... I was faint, I could barely breathe, I was sweaty....that one lasted ten minutes.   I had a couple more throughout the day but they were shorter.

I accomplished almost everything I needed to do, the rest can wait. I wanted to thank all of you for your good wishes and prayers, I appreciate all of them.

I could see that I've been scattered lately and a bit emotional... I think worry due to the surgery.  Plus I have to face reality head on and sometimes it sucks so much, all I can do is cry...

Things happen in life that are truly unfair... truly not right, yet we have to accept it if we are to progress. I know I need to be more positive and joyful... I will be again... I need to go down this path so that I can climb each step to the top.

As difficult as it's going to be, it's a necessity, besides no one said life is fair... it's what I do with this challenge in the future... I plan to succeed and learn from all my trials.

I'll catch up with all your blogs once I am home recuperating... I can hardly wait to be able to blog when I get an idea... instead if writing notes for later.  Have a great week everyone!

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Your Attitude Can Change Your Day If You Let It

Today was one of those days that started out on a bad foot but turned around before the end of the day.  First, I had a tough time waking up this morning, I kept laying in bed dozing... waking up... dozing... finally I got up.  I attempted to get into gear to get ready for work, at 6:00 am I received a text from Cindy, she was having health issues and not able to come down to take Valentina to school but she had someone that we knew close by that could take Valentina to school... So, I kicked it into high gear and my sweet little girl helped me get ready quickly enough to leave on time.

I dropped Valentina off to the sitters and headed off to catch my bus... well, this is where it all went wrong.  Making my way to the bus stop, I suddenly flew into the air and landed hard on my butt and back, I smacked the back of my hand against the concrete.  I pulled myself together, got to the bus stop...  hopped on the bus (well, not really hopped since I am using a cane due to my leg still healing); next thing I looked down and my bag I was carrying my lunch in was dripping.  I looked inside and there was my lunch wide open in the plastic bag (chili). 

Can I say I was frustrated and I wanted to cry right on the spot.  I decided to get off the bus at the mall to throw out my lunch since it was dripping everywhere.  I ended up waiting for the next bus... So, I got to work and found out that we were all getting a free lunch at work today, they do this occasionally in year end (I am in payroll), I was pleasantly surprised.  I made it home and a really sweet lady from my church messaged me that she wanted to drop by, I said sure...

When she came by she had prepared dinner for me, can I tell you how sweet this was and how special I felt.  This young mother of two darling children had taken the time to prepare a lovely meal for Valentina and myself.  Although I am sore and sure that it will take some time to heal, my mood is already 100% better than it was this morning... all it took was me not freaking out and getting upset.  I'm grateful that I didn't let one nasty fall ruin my day.

This just goes to prove to me now more than ever that although there are events that happen in our lives that could bring us down... we just have to relax, you never know what's around the corner, in my case really nice things. 

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Taking A Break to Enjoy The Holidays

I have written a few posts that haven't made it on the blog, it's because my emotions are in a turmoil and my body's in pain. The last thing I wanted to do was post anything too negative as I try so hard to see the good and be positive.

I've been working 10 hour days to make up for missing a day last week.  I'd rather make the time up than lose a day of pay. Since I'm a single mama I don't have that luxury.  Now I'm gone from the house from 6:30 am to 6:30 pm, by the time I get home all I want to do is unwind then sleep.

I have decided to take a short break away from writing my blog, maybe for a week or so.  I'm going to concentrate on making Christmas special for Valentina and getting as much rest as possible.  Although I am going through all this insanity, I am still blessed beyond in many ways.

If I don't blog again before Christmas, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas or whatever holiday you follow.  I truly pray and wish for everyone to feel pure happiness in their everyday life.  Isn't that what we all really want, just to be happy and always working to better ourselves.

I will definitely be writing a New Year's blog, other than last New Year's where David and I stayed up to ring it in... I usually go to bed, this year I cannot wait to ring out the old year.  Although it has been sad, challenging and difficult, I have to be thankful, I survived and I can see where all of this will help me grow in the future.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

My Thoughts On Two And A Half Hours Sleep

I was up most of the night last night.  I kept waking up, dozing...  I was so tempted to stay home and rest my leg and get some much needed sleep but as a single working mom, I don't have that choice.

I'm already making up time from missing a Monday, this would only be adding to it more.  If there is anyone who wants 2012 gone now, it's me. I had such high hopes for this year, it just didn't work out the way it should have.

I'm stuck in Nova Scotia when my 'D' is not feeling good.  I want to be there for him, I want to take care of him.  I just sit here worrying and praying that he'll be okay and mostly that he won't have to go back in for surgery again.  It seems like every other person I talk to is having great difficulties... how I wish everyone's load gets a little lighter soon.

I'm trying to stay positive and uplifting, especially with my David. He's finding it difficult to feel good when he keeps having these set backs.  I know how he feels though, my leg starts getting better then I walk somewhere and the pain sets in for a couple of days. It's hard to keep myself up but I don't give up, if I did I would never get out of bed.

I wonder when I'm just going to feel like myself again?  I don't expect perfection, I just want to feel okay.  Battling your health is nasty, I've known how blessed I was, I can't wait to feel that way again.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield 

Prayer And Positive Thoughts Are Powerful‏

I know I talk about my David a lot, he's a huge part of my life.  When I'm not feeling my best, he can lift my spirits with something funny just like that, I smile so easily with him.  He came back into my life when it was spinning out of control and helped me to focus on the wonderful things I have in my life.

He lovingly showed me how I needed to start believing and loving myself.  He did this all without judging me in the least, telling me how he knew I was a wonderful woman who deserved to be loved.  I know I did the hard work to get to the place I am but I honestly don't think I would have got there as quickly as I did without him.

My 'D' has faced a lot of challenges this year, we both have.  Tomorrow he goes in for surgery, I am asking everyone who reads this to please pray for him or send positive vibes out to him. He is very important and special to me and I truly believe in the power of prayer and positive thoughts, especially when many people do this together.

I've seen both of these work in my life on a continual basis.  I am more than willing to do the same for any of you, I already pray for many of the people whose blogs I follow. Anytime I read how you are dealing with challenges, I automatically say a quick prayer and send out positive vibes. 

I really feel like I have gained some really wonderful friends through blogging. Your posts touch and uplift me, your comments touch my heart deeply.  Thank you all for sticking with me, especially since I've had a really up and down year.  I only know how to be me here, I can't put a face on to pretend life is perfect; it's not.

Life however is wonderful even with all it's challenges.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

I Never Give Up On Who Or What I Believe In

The more organized I become, the more I want to stay that way and the more I want to do to keep it this way.  I'm sure Peter Walsh from Extreme Clutter would think I've come a long way if he could have seen my place from the start. Although my house was never to the degree of the shows he puts on, it was awful for me.

So last night I went on a huge cooking craze, I made a huge pot of spaghetti, a medium size pot of chili, a meat loaf, a dozen mini apple pies and 2 dozen banana muffins. By next weekend I want to have David's cookies made (again) and another batch of almond brittle; I'd like to send his present and Jackson's early next week.  Then I can concentrate on Valentina.

I had made my 'D's' cookies last week but we decided against sending them until he has his operation on this Wednesday.  I'm already a basket case of worry, not sure how I will be on the actual day; especially since I may have to wait to hear from him.  I can't believe he's going to have to be alone for pretty well four weeks.  I will take any and all prayers and positive thoughts for my David, I believe the more people that pray and give out positive vibes, the more powerful it will be.

The holidays are fast approaching and although this is a sad time for me as I am not spending it the way I had envisioned, I plan to make it extremely special for my Valentina.  This little girl deserves to have it made special just for her, she is so kind, thoughtful and loving. She and I are going to decorate the tree together (it's been 12 years since I have decorated my own tree, other people have done it for me) we are going to bake lots of goodies to give out to people and we are going to participate in as many Christmas parties as possible.  I am doing this for her because there are not many little girls who deserve it more than her.

Last night I pondered how I never give up, sometimes I desperately want to but something keeps me holding on.  It's because I'm so very sure of what is supposed to happen, even when others doubt. Don't get me wrong, I do doubt as well but deep down I truly believe in what I know for sure.

I often wish I could just give up or give in, it would make life easier...  Why do I say that?  I think it's harder and more emotional to hold on to my dreams when no one but me believes in them.  I realize I'm the only one who matters though. People have their opinions but this is my life, I have to live with my decisions, not other people.

I Just Need To Breathe And Everything Will Be Okay

I want to thank Rae from  Caffeinated Diva Diaries for helping to fix my blog over the weekend, I still have some work to do on it but she was able to fix the template so that it no longer had layers... I was unable to delete the first one and I kept trying to cover it but it was just a mess.  She is also going to make me a button, which I am so excited about.  I am not a techy, so it's awesome that someone would do that for me, then I can learn to trade buttons with other bloggers.  I would also like to figure out how to link up for blog hops.  One step at a time.

Although I have been blogging for over three years, I have really only been blogging regularly for a little over eight months.  I have come along slowly but learning at each new curve. I am grateful for each and every blogger that follows me as well as all my readers.  I know what an effort it can be to follow a number of blogs, I know because I follow 75-80 blogs now; sometimes I think I have to cut back but there isn't any that I want to give up.  I have made it a little bit easier by having a number of my blogs emailed to me... I am able to read them throughout the day so that when I get home I just have to pull them up and comment.

I know that I have gone off track with my positivity... life throws us many curves and sometimes I don't handle them as well as I could.  I am the kind of girl who digs my heels in and says I cannot change but than I am also the kind of girl who thinks about it and comes around.  I just have to have my day here and there where I can be sad, where I can cry, where I can just let my emotions out.  As difficult as that can be, this blog is my only true outlet anymore.

I really miss having someone I can just tell everything to, someone who really cares and understands.  Truthfully I need someone who won't judge me for how I have dealt with my life issues in the past.  Most people judge me and I find that so odd since I don't judge other people.  David was that person for me but that has changed and I understand, even though it is so hard to lose that... besides he has so much going on with his son Chris, as well as an operation that he himself has to have and his job which although he loves his career, it can be stressful.

I have to learn to deal with this myself... I just need to take a deep breath.  I can do this right?

"James Cash Penney"If I just breathe, every little piece of me, you'll see, everything is alright, if I just...breathe.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield 
 

Expand Your Thoughts, Which Will Expand Your World

"We lift ourselves by our thoughts. We climb upon our vision of ourselves. If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge your thought of it and of yourself. Hold the ideal of yourself as you long to be, always everywhere." ~ Orison Swett Marden

For too many years of my life I've limited myself to my small world having a difficult time believing I could expand my world.  I held on to hope though, through my tenacity.

What do some people do that don't have hope?  How hard that must be to get up each day and move forward when you are sure there is nothing better.  The past 10 months have been tumultuous but through it all I truly believed there would be a light.

The light came faintly, enough so that I continue to hold on until it will be a massively bright light.   I am NOT my circumstances, I am not my disappointments, I am not my losses.  I am blessed, I am grateful, I am a good mama, I am lovable, I am kind, I am deserving, I am strong...  The positive I am's are going on daily.

I talked to my sister Shelly last night, she hadn't read my post about her, she asked for the link and she said I made her cry, she also said it was the nicest thing anyone ever wrote about her. I told her that she deserved it, she's a survivor, she did not let her circumstances keep her down.

She also marveled that the three of us, Lisa, her and I have raised 7 wonderful children between us who are kind, loving individuals who are even doing better than us.  I think that's because we put into our children what we missed.  Also, even though our parents lacked the tools to be good parents due to the way they were raised themselves, we knew that they did love us.  They just didn't have the ability to give us what we needed and they didn't know how to learn it.

The three of us, worked hard to figure out what we needed to do to give our children what they needed and even though we didn't always succeed... we were there for our children.  Now we see our children accomplishing even more than we have, which makes each of us very happy. 

 

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield