I have been going back and forth with writing, my mind has been on overload after a busy week. Also, everything I wanted to write was not so positive... so I kept erasing it, that isn't what I want to put out there; I do however want to put the truth out there as I have always been an honest person.
So yes, I didn't have a great week, I think I was expecting too much of it... my income tax came in and shopping was both good and bad... Good because I am in a great size of clothing ... bad because there is so little choice for cute clothing that is not over priced. I then had a long day yesterday where I ended up with a melt down to tears because I was frustrated, tired and I suddenly thought... this is not where I am supposed to be right now, this is not how my life was meant to be lived.
The other day I was talking to an acquaintance about how much weight I have lost, she said "you must feel great"? I said "yes, I do... but losing the weight doesn't change your life to be perfect"... That got me to thinking about why I suddenly decided to lose the weight, why I stuck with it this time and not other times. He had said something to me while we were chatting one night, which made me think about how I did not want to be in the same place that I was in a year from then. How many times have we said that to ourselves and not taken the opportunity to make the changes needed.
That night changed my way of thinking and I think it all came together perfectly because it was June, the contest came about, the weather was great for walking, vegetables and fruit were plentiful and reasonably priced. All of these things are what helped to take that night and really turn my life around, I started walking and honestly I wasn't so sure I was going to be able to handle it but I did and I fell in love with it.
Walking de-stressed me, I was able to get frustrations out with pushing and timing myself to get better... it gave me goals. All of this made me realize how perfectly timed this was, I was set up for success ... as long as I wanted it and I did. Even with the massive upheaval in my life in the last six months, I have not gone back to eating unhealthy... which enforced in me more that I was finally losing the weight for all the right reasons. To get healthy, to feel better.
I know that if I had tried to lose weight for a short termed goal, I would have gained the weight back by now. I am more motivated than ever, spring should be here soon, I say that and it just snowed last night... Anyhow, the spring will be here soon and then I can walk/run and on top of that I am finally going to do strength training exercises. I want to be fit and strong... I am going to remind myself of that feeling that got me to where I am today.
Saying all this above, which I am truly grateful for... I journal that one often. Losing the weight still doesn't make my life turn out the way I hoped. Yes it is fabulous that I am so much healthier and stronger than I have been in years and I never want that to change... but it isn't like some magic cure. Losing the weight means what it is... getting healthy, nothing more... that is how I became successful, that is how I plan to stay successful.
I have made another decision since the weight loss has been so successful, I need to start making some short and long term goals ... so that I won't be where I am today in a year. I need to make some difficult changes but I really want certain things in my life, so I will make all those necessary changes needed. I think that night changed my future in a way I needed more than I knew, it has been a really long, rough road but it just must mean that where I end up was always where I was supposed to be... and all of the trials will have been worth it.
Follow along!
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