Loving Myself Is The Answer

I read this quote on Instagram and I was completely touched by it. It reminded me of how many times I had removed 'jewels' from my crown so that a man would 'love me' ... instead of finding a man that was worthy of me, I had lowered myself more times than I care to remember. Over the years I wondered what was wrong with me? Why was I still single? Especially when being married to someone I loved and who loved me was all that I wanted. 

I have never been the girl who wanted the big career, I have never been the girl that wanted fame and I have never been the girl that wanted excessive money... I have been the girl that wanted love. When it didn't happen over the years, I had began to think it must be me, something I was doing wrong... over the last year and a half, it came to me that I had been selling myself short with the men that I had dated. I had forgot my worth. 

I got less then I deserved because I had expected it, in my mind I didn't deserve much more... all of this came after I had lost 'him' as my best friend... because at one time I had thought I was SO lucky to have 'him'... I neglected to remember that 'he' was lucky to have me. When 'he' stopped being friends with me due to a misunderstanding that I was not given a chance to explain, I ended up falling into a depression... this was when my eyes and my heart started to open more. 

I begin to see how I had thought I deserved so little over my life and this was why I had so little... what you expect is what you get... I remember a night 'he' and I were talking before 'he' came home and I was so excited and I told him I deserved 'him'... he stopped me that night and said, did I ever think it was 'him' that deserved me?... I was touched by what he had said but I didn't believe it for a very long time. 

What we both neglected to remember was that love isn't about deserving one another, love is about loving ourselves first and giving the best of ourselves to the other person. I now know that I had not loved myself enough and because I didn't I was not able to truly love anyone else enough. I had lived with fear that I was going to be alone, since I couldn't love myself, how could anyone else love me either. 

Although I may not find the love of my life, I now know more than ever that I want nothing less ... especially since I am willing to give my all to the right person if they were to come along. I never thought I would write this or more I never thought I would believe this... but I would rather be alone than be with someone who didn't truly love me... I love myself enough to never settle for someone just because I think I deserve some kind of love. 

The truth is we all deserve love, the question is do we know that loving ourselves is really the answer?

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Loving Myself For Who I Fought To Become

This has been a really busy week, more busy than normal, hence why it has taken me a little longer to write than usual. At the moment we are in the midst of massive snow storm here in Nova Scotia, so I decided to just relax and write. Just in case the power decides to go out, which it may because of the high winds. This storm has been talked about for days and I took the opportunity to get prepared, I spent yesterday, shopping, doing all the laundry, dishes, cooking and cleaning.... it feels good that I am organized and cleaned up.

As everyone knows who reads my blog, I have decided to come out of my comfort zone on many levels. The first thing I did was I attended a Valentine dance on Friday night, yes I knew people that were there but I did not go with anyone, I went on my own. I had some fun and danced a little, I just don't want to be the girl who comes home on Friday night and does nothing... That is not fun to me, that will not help me to move forward... I needed to make some changes and I am grateful I have.

I am also not a girl who likes having my picture taken, believe me I have been known to flip out if someone takes my picture and I am not ready... as well I always want to have the last say to which ones are shown. I used to be so adept at ducking pictures ... I have ones at work where you can only see my hair... lol... and never a full length picture. Finally, I have changed that part of myself and I am allowing more pictures to be taken, even though I am not at what I consider to be my 'perfect' weight. I decided that if I waited for that, I might never have my picture taken. I want my children and grandchildren to have memories of me that they can see.

I love that first quote I added above about loving the person I have become as I fought hard to  become her. A few short years ago I never would have posed for a full length picture and I most certainly never would have posted it on line... This has been quite the journey I have been on, it all started with me making the decision to change what I was not happy about and sticking with it. Of course there are days I stray as I am human but I won't allow myself to ever give up on me again. I am worthy of the hard work I have put in and I will continue to do this for me.

This last quote resonated with me as it is very true, we are all more alike than we realize... we have our differences that make us unique but truthfully we all have had tragedies, love, happiness, sadness... Sometimes it is hard to see that we have had good when we feel like the hard times outweigh them. Do you know what writing has done for me? It makes me see that I have had some incredibly wonderful and happy times in my life and I know I will again... Of course hard times will come again and I hope that by writing about how I deal with or have dealt with them in the past... it will help me to overcome them with a better outlook.

When I first started writing back in July 2009, I never believed so many people would read my words... I wrote more for myself as I had lost me and I wanted to change that, the road was long and it was pretty difficult. There were times I wondered if I would make it through but I have and I changed so many things that I never even thought I could. That is why I continue to write, I know that by writing I have grown beyond anything I ever thought possible, I have come to know so many people in the world and saw just how alike we really are, how much we want to be accepted for who we are and mostly how much we want to be loved, no matter how many mistakes we make. 

I hope we all remember that first quote about loving the person we have become because we fought to become him or her... 

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