I Am A Survivor

I have been wanting to write a lot but my sweet kitty of  10 years was diagnosed with renal failure, when I lost her, my home felt very empty, I was dealing with the loss of her, she was more my cat than anyone else's, she was like my shadow .... a couple of weeks later I found my sweet black kitten Oreo, he lights my life up and makes me smile.  He has so much energy, I knew he needed a friend to keep him company and within two weeks I found my grey cat Chai who needed a new home. The two of them have kept me busy when I wasn't working, it takes time to integrate two kitties together and have them both feel comfortable. Chai is still finding his place even though he is more mature... Oreo really is a boss... he's not afraid of anything.

A couple of weeks ago, I sat down and watched the story of Elizabeth Smart, I was in complete awe of her special spirit... it made me look back on my life and the numerous trials I have dealt with. I never compare the types of trials we deal within life as I feel all trials are there for us to grow, become stronger and to become a better version of ourselves. I also know life is a series of challenges that we work to overcome, some easy, some extremely difficult... I have always said and believed that it isn't the amount or difficulties of the trials that we deal with, it is how we deal with them.
After watching Elizabeth Smart and hearing about the many horrendous trials she dealt with after she was kidnapped at such a young age of 14, she never thought of suicide but she thought it might be better if she died at times... but she had a strong will/desire to live and she did. She doesn't hold on to the hate or anger that would be so easy to do.. She realized at a very young age that holding on to the bad only hurt her. She seriously seems happy, she was able to marry and have two children... Today she gives back to other people by speaking out about what she dealt with and showing others it is possible to not just survive but thrive and be happy.

I realized that although I want to handle my trials in a better manner, I often don't... I think many times, why me? Haven't I dealt with enough? But life isn't about having everything perfect and wonderful because I have dealt with endless trials... it means I need to take the time to figure out what I can learn from each trial, how I can grow so that when the next challenge comes a long I will be more ready to handle it, I will be able to figure out the lesson quicker and have the time to enjoy the quiet in between.
Life is about finding the joy, whether in between the trials or even during the trials... I know many people will wonder how we can find the joy while we are handling a trial that seems insurmountable, however; the truth is that more often than not we get through and after dealing with it, we discover there was something we needed to acquire from the test. I also know there are a great deal of people who will question why anyone would have to deal with certain trials... the thing for me is that when I read or see how someone came through a trial that was beyond what I could imagine... I know if these people have the strength to get through them, I believe that I can survive mine and even grow stronger from them.

I'm a survivor, I never give up... even when it feels beyond hope, a way is always made. However; I acknowledge that being a survivor is good, what 's even better is that I find the good in whatever trial is dealt to me... Then I will be a warrior survivor...
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There's No Excuse To Give Up On Me

Time really gets away from you, before you know it, a week or two has gone by and I begin to wonder how it flew by and I had so little to show for it.  I kept planning on blogging and always something would get in the way but when I thought about what that something was, there was nothing that I could put my finger on. It's exactly when I realized I need to schedule time for the things I want to do as well as need to do.  I don't know that I will write weekly as I had hoped but I am going to put more effort into it in the future. 

I don't want a month or two to go by and wonder what I had accomplished... I lost my focus when I got injured and I used it as an excuse to do nothing. When I think about it, I allowed myself to give up on me... I wallowed in the injury and the pain with wondering why me? How come I had to deal with this pain when I had done everything right by eating healthy and exercising almost daily ... What had I done wrong to deserve this trial?  Hadn't I worked hard to get on the right path?  Where was reward for putting in the work?
Then a couple of days ago I was talking to a couple of ladies, lamenting the fact that I had to deal with this pain. We then talked about how many of us held on to anger and pain because we wouldn't allow ourselves to forgive others or ourselves. I found myself talking from the heart about how forgiveness is really the only path, no matter what we have had to deal with. I say this as I have dealt with a great deal of painful trials that I could have sat there and allowed it to take over my life... I knew at the age of 15 that forgiveness was the only way I could ever progress in my life... it was when I started forgiving people for pain they inflicted on me, even if they didn't feel they needed the forgiveness. 

Yet, I found myself angry and disappointed with having to deal with this trial, especially when I felt I had done nothing to bring it on... This was when I begin to think about people who did nothing to bring on catastrophic health issues or people who have lost loved ones due to freak accidents or severe weather. I begin to think about how blessed I was, I have two healthy children, I have a career I love that allows me to work from home and I have overcome one crazy trial after another... gaining strength and knowledge that helped me to grow.  I'm still not sure what I need to learn from this one but I also realized I no longer want to use it as an excuse not to work on becoming a better me. 
For the next few days I took the time to ponder the blessings I gained through trials... which made me think about when I was going through each trial and I was absolutely sure there could not be a good enough reason I had to deal with it... yet each time I got through a trial, I was able to clearly see the reason. I have heard people say that there are certain things they could never forgive, mainly because they believe that people only believe that forgiveness should be given to people who admit that have done something that caused pain and that they promise to never do that again... however; there are many people who will never admit to the pain they caused or feel they need forgiveness... forgiveness is for us, more than it is for anyone else. 

Whether the pain brought on by others or pain from life trials, forgiveness is always the answer.  Otherwise, we are the only ones that held hostage to the pain... never being free.  I had forgot this since I had been injured and not able to walk as I loved to do so much... There are other people going through health issues much worse than mine, life threatening ones. Although I understand we shouldn't measure our trials more or less than others... as what we deal with is real for us... however; I think we need to keep everything is perspective. I am sure I will have to remind myself of this in the future, I am hoping it won't take me as long to remember... I am not the only one dealing with pain and I can't use it as an excuse to give up on myself.
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