Being Passionate About What I Love

Through your passion, you will find inner peace out of adversity. ~ Azziza Salem

I read this quote last week and I was touched by it, since I've been working on having inner peace even while going through adversity. I believe there has to be a way to find this peace even when life is tough.  The quote reminded me how I need to live with and by my passion.

I pondered for years what my passion could be, I believe it is my writing.  It's the place I can be myself, much like I am with my David. We all need something or someone that we have passion for and about. I enjoy the process of blogging, writing from my heart, reading other people's blogs and being inspired.

For some reason that I can't explain, not even to myself; I've been weepy.  It's not that I'm unhappy, life is pretty good. I'm feeling more relaxed at work, my house is 95% clean and organized, my David and I are good friends again (I miss him so much when he's out on exercises with the army but it's only a week or more and he'll be home).

There must be something sad underlying. I would hope I had a reason to be weepy.   It's really odd, it comes in waves, I'll just be talking to a client and then suddenly my eyes will tear up?  It doesn't seem to last for more than a minute or two but I can feel this deep emptiness and than it's gone before I can analyze the emotion.

One thing about this cleaning and purging, I feel lighter.  I can walk around my house comfortably, I no longer fear what I might walk on or bump into.  It's so calming, it makes me desire to keep it up, plus Valentina is commenting often on how nice the place is and how wonderful a sleep she has had (hopefully this will inspire her to keep her room clean herself). This has really helped me a great deal.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Finding Joy In Small Things

"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."

Joseph Campbell

Most problems in the world come from one source: self-abandonment. Most can be solved by one choice: learning to love yourself and share your love with others. ~ Margaret Paul

I read a blog last night where she wrote about how she had a fear of abandonment.  Her father passed away suddenly when she was 5 years old and how she was worried that her mom would leave her suddenly too.

I can understand why she had the fear, my mom didn't die when I was a child but she was gone from my life completely for 9 years when I was 6 years old.  I never felt safe, probably the reason I so desperately wanted someone in my life. Someone who would be there and love me always.

I had to come to an understanding this past year, I had to learn to love that little girl inside me, the one who felt so lost and abandoned. Otherwise, I would never be able to heal her. I wish I could hug her and tell her everything would be okay and not to worry so much.

Self love is the only way I can finally heal.  Stripping away all the layers that I used to cover the pain and sadness has been difficult but no more difficult than living my life by trying to hide. The way I've been dealing with it through my life has been more detrimental than helpful.

I want to experience full joy and as the quote below states I just have to recognize all my blessings and show gratitude for all the good things in my life.  I need to stop looking at the things I lack or I will always lack what I want and need.

This life is truly a test, it takes some people years (people like me) to know their full worth.  Although life is a test, it's also meant to be joyful or there would be no point.

"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are."

Marianne Williamson

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield