Me Before And After

 The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.

I promised myself that once I had lost enough weight that I noticed it... not someone else.. me...that I would do a blog post of my before and after.  I had many people coming up to me in the past while talking about how much weight I had lost.  They were right, it was a lot... To date, I have lost 53 pounds in 15 weeks... I will tell you this, last week when I had to deal with one of the most devastating things I have dealt with, I lost a little more weight than I should have... that happens when I don't eat properly, I don't sleep very much, I have actually had this happen to me in the past; when I have had very difficult circumstances in my life.  I will say this only once and I will then leave it in the past, last Monday was an extremely hard and sad day for me, harder than any other day I have ever had to deal with...

I am going forward though, it isn't going to be easy... each day is hard, really hard... the kind where I want to pull the blanket up over my head and say forget it, I am done... I just don't want to do this anymore... but everything is telling me that it isn't done... this is a blip... this is just a plot twist... What I mean is that when I took the time to sit down, really talk this over with a very good friend (no not my David... he is very busy still healing, he needs all his energy for that) but another friend who is very understanding as well... she opened my eyes and reminded me that everything is not as it seems just because it is on the surface... Monday is similar to a plot twist in a movie, unfortunately it is in my life and if I can remember that, that is all that it is... that truthfully, when it is all said and done, everything will be as it should be.  Some things were meant to be and somethings were meant to be tested to see how much we really want them.

Anyhow I decided that today was the day that I would share my before and after... I can see it, I can see the change... With this, it has only spurred me on to continue on this path... I feel like I am finally accomplishing what I have always said I wanted to but never did anything about.  Finally I am putting me first... One of my favorite bloggers is going to do a post about me and I am truly honored that she would want to... so for my post I am not going into any great detail as I know she will want to write about that side of it... I am just here to say that since I can see it, I wanted to finally share it... I still have a ways to go but I will get there, I am committed 100%, if I take a day, I get right back... I am motivated beyond what I ever thought possible when I started my journey. 

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥ 

Deal With It I Will

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.

I just have to write a quick follow up... it is late and I haven't slept, really slept for days... still just getting an hour here and there... I just wanted to let everyone know I was feeling a little bit better.  Not awesome but definitely better.  I saw my doctor and she has given me sleeping pills which I will take a half of one later this week... I took a full one almost 4 years ago and I slept until past noon that time, so I am a little leery of taking any.  I will test it out over the weekend to make sure I can wake up in time.

Next I broke the 15 minute mile tonight, I can give a great deal of thanks to a friend who ticked me off and I went out there and walked so fast to blow some steam off. I felt like I was speeding... I have a new goal, I want to get under a 14.30 mile.  Maybe that friend can really tick me off, lol.  I am still not going to talk about what devastated me the other day, it is still there, I still have to deal with it, the reason it was so difficult for me was because I was side swiped with it... maybe if I had known anything and not just have it thrown at me the way it was I would have handled it a whole lot better... Anyhow, that is neither here nor there, regardless, I have to deal with it and deal with it I will.

I can't promise I won't be sad in the future, I can't promise I won't cry but I will get through this... not sure how, like walking that track at the gym, I am going to have to dig deep, deeper than I have ever gone before. It is not going to be easy but I have no choice.  Well, I have a choice but the second option is so much worse than even the incident... so I will get through somehow.  Ultimately people are important, incidents are just that, incidents and I can forgive...

Finally I just wanted to write a funny story, I have told you all about how competitive I am ... well, let me tell you about a funny story.  About two weeks ago I was walking and at a pretty good clip when I caught someone out of the corner of my eye, looking like they were trying to pass me.  I don't like to be passed, so I just sped up and I kept seeing someone out of the corner of my eye speeding up with me. I was getting a bit frustrated as I was not sure I could keep that speed up for much longer.  Finally I glanced to the side, there was no one there... get this... it was my shadow... lol

I told you I was competitive... but whoa... racing my shadow... too much.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥