Being Resilient In Tough Times

I am feeling a big change coming, it might have to do with work... I have been in the same position for five years and it's about time I challenge myself in another department.  Also it might have to do with getting healthy, this is huge, I haven't made this big of a commitment to myself in forever.  This is not something I plan on taking lightly, I am putting my all into it.  Yet I still think there is another change coming, maybe as early as summer... I am taking a wait and see attitude, I am not going to rely on anything until I see it come together.

Part of me is really excited for all the changes that are happening to me right now and in the future, part of me is a little fearful I won't live up to the challenges.  I just don't want to disappoint myself by not valuing myself enough to really put my heart and soul into each challenge that is placed before me or chosen by me.

I am trying to get myself into a really good frame of mind, where no matter what the outcome is, I will not let it define how I feel...  I think there are things that can devastate us for a moment in time but somehow we are resilient enough to get past those life lessons and even become stronger for it.  When I think about the many challenges I have overcome in my life, I am happy to see how far I have come.  I definitely have more growth opportunity in many aspects of my life but one thing at a time, otherwise I could overwhelm myself and then not accomplish any growth.

You know what I find amazing is how a song can bring up emotions that I swear I have under control, all I have to do is hear the first line and I am in a certain place in time or it evokes uncontrollable emotions.  Much like a piece of poetry does to me, I think songs are just poetry with music... Lately I have been writing a little poetry on the side, I share an occasional one on my blog but mostly I keep it for me... mainly because it's so personal and so emotional.  I am glad that I finally started writing poetry again after 25 years, it has given me another creative outlet.  I can never have enough of these.

These next couple of months is going to show how resilient I am... with the many changes I am going to be making in my life.  One of those changes will either go extremely well or extremely wrong... although that is very scary for me, I am going to go with it... if I hold back in anything, I will always wonder what if...?   I hope it's all worth it ultimately, I guess having closure is always a good thing, one way or the other...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Fairy Tale Without The Ending

I took some time this morning to listen to some of my favorite songs, what did I choose to listen to?  Of course I pick songs that always make me feel something. Those songs that bring up memories. 

These are not always the best choice for me, this morning they were good memories though.  I LOVE the movie 'The Notebook', especially the song 'Feels Like Home'.  It's exactly how I felt about my 'D' when we finally saw each other.

I felt whole and like all my world had come together and I was complete. It was such a wonderful and happy time in my life.  I can honestly say that I don't regret it now.  I thought for awhile it wasn't worth it, when I thought I'd lost David completely.

That's when I really knew that I loved him with my whole entire heart and soul.  I loved him enough to just be friends with him. I want him to be happy, really happy. 

The truth is that if you really love someone, you would only want them to be happy.  I would want nothing less than the best for my 'D'.  He's a very good and kind man, just as he was as a boy when I met him at 15.

Sure I really believe that my 'D' lost the best woman for him, me:).  I would be a selfish and mean person if I wished anything but the best for David. I'm neither mean or selfish, we just had the fairy tale without the ending.

That's okay though, there's still time for a fairy tale ending for me, someday.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield