I Matter And So Do You

Okay, I had two awesome things happen yesterday... first I was amazed and quite thrilled that I had 200 views on my blog in one day.  I remember when I had 30-40 views and then I went up to close to a 100 per day. This amazed me and I felt so grateful that so many people would be viewing my little blog.  I love this outlet that I have to just write whatever I want to say.  Sometimes I have to curtail it a little, even if it is my diary, it is open so I can't write EVERYTHING I want to but that's okay.

I write in a way that I know what it means and only people extremely close to me would ever guess exactly what I was saying sometimes.  There is very little that I don't open up to in this blog... just a few things, which I am sure will eventually come to light.  I just need to prepare myself before I bare my whole soul like that.  One day in the near future it will happen as I am an open and honest person.

The second thing that happened was so wonderful, as I have said in the past I follow a number of blogs, like 70-80 regularly.  I will tell you this, if I read your blog and I am touched, I will comment.  Some people have touched me and I read their blog whenever they open up and write something new.  I often wonder if they care that I comment as they never say a thing back to me....  there are times I think that I should just move on to people who care if I comment but I keep staying with certain people because they touch me deep inside.

So, one particular blogger who has never said anything to me (7-8 months), messaged me today and told me that she was truly touched by each and every comment I have ever written to her... which nearly made me cry.  I hadn't realized how much she liked it, how much she really appreciated it.  She made me realize that some people are going through a very difficult time and even if they don't comment back, they are still taking in what I write, knowing I really care.

If I comment on your blog, I care about you... I think about you and I am super excited when you post a blog.  I don't comment just because... I comment because I care.  So, I realized that there are a few blogs that I gave up commenting on, thinking they didn't care.  I am re thinking that and I am going to look back at a few of those blogs and comment again.  You never know how you can touch another person.

I know this to be true because when anyone comments on my blog... I am truly touched, truly grateful and truly thankful... I know that it is an effort to follow someones blog and to comment often... especially on mine, I blog so much.  I write everyday, I rarely miss a day... I would write more but I have to stop myself at times and save a few for another day.

All of this brought about a lovely ending to a wonderful day.  I had a very spiritual evening that uplifted and inspired me.  Then I had an amazing talk with my David, it was so funny that I honestly thought I wasn't going to be able to stop laughing... I am kind of chuckling at it even now.  My 'D' has such an odd sense of humor... me too though... which makes for some long hearty laughs.

Here is part of what we talked about... he asked me 'how my Wednesday night was?'  I laughed and typed... 'ahhh, it's Tuesday'... he said, 'I am officially nuts.. lmao..' Then he said 'it comes from being on exercise where they don't use the days of the week.. they use D day... D-3, D-2 and so on..'  So than I said, 'oh, they named it after you.. since I call him my 'D'...'  It kept going from there.  We are like that, the conversation flows from one goofy thing to another and we are both laughing hysterically.

I know, you had to be there... trust me... we are a hoot together, we get each others humor... Besides, I am actually pretty funny, especially if you listen to all the silly things I have done or crazy life choices I have made... I am pretty good at making people laugh... it helps that I am a people person.  If you met me face to face you would see I am just as open as I am here, maybe even a little more so.

Also, if you comment on my blog, I will look at your blog and if I am inspired, touched or if you make me laugh... I will comment back... I will continue if you grab my attention.  I just like to know that you care... that's all any of us want.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

What I Know For Sure Now

I am feeling something I haven't felt for a while... strong and in control.  I had given my control away, I thought I had to do this to have what I wanted.  I was wrong, I had to be in control to have what I wanted.  I remember nearly two years ago when I knew, I mean I really knew without a doubt that I was meant to do something.  I didn't just think it, I knew it...  I knew it in my heart.  I put myself out there. 

Even when it looked like it wouldn't happen, I still believed... I never gave up and within six months it happened.  I was over joyed, so thrilled that I was fulfilling something that I knew I was meant to do.  I also remember everyone questioning me about how I was going to handle it not lasting, here is what I knew then, I knew that I was only meant to be there in that place for a time.  When it all came to an end, I surprised everyone when I was happy; exuberant even.

Fast forward to today...  something interesting happened, it reminded me of something I knew, not just felt but really knew.  I realized that I had given up my control, I gave it away... I forgot my true value.  Tonight brought it all back, it brought about a 'hmm' moment.  I cannot ignore those moments, they mean more than we think they do.  If we brush them off, we are not believing in ourselves.  I believe in myself and I believe in what I know... why did I let myself give up on what I knew?  Fear?  I thought my dream was too big?  I didn't feel I was worthy?

Tonight I knew it was sum of all those things, I forgot what I knew and what got me to where I was... I neglected to believe in me.  I was sure that I wasn't good enough for what I knew was meant to be.  I proved this by not standing up for myself, by pulling back for fear of pushing the dream away.  I am worth it, I am completely worth it... I am not holding back any longer.  Going forward, I am on my path... I am not going off track again.  

Gone is the fear, gone is feeling the dream is too big (I didn't dream big enough), I am more worthy than even I knew... Some things are worth holding onto, some dreams are meant to be... even when others can't see the outcome.  Oh and this one is meant to last, it always was... I just didn't have faith before.  I believe in me!

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield