What's Inspired Me

I have made some decisions in the past few days, due to some new insight I have gained in the last week, I am actually going to link up as many of the blogs as I can remember that kept inspiring me after I had made my decision... because that is where growth happens quickly, at least for me that has always been true. So before I post the links, I wanted to say a couple of things.

First I love blogging, it gives me an outlet to say what I am feeling and helps me to work issues out, I feel so lucky to have so many readers that follow me and comment on any given blog post I may write, I think that is all any type of writer really wants, some recognition that you have been heard.  Being heard, that is something we all want in this life and I found that here, plus the great thing too is that I get to read other people's insights which help me to grow and inspire me too.

Saying all the above, I have pressured myself to keep up to date with all my comments, I don't like disappointing anyone... hmm, people pleaser, I thought I had outgrown that in my early 40's?  Apparently I have revisited that recently, I have decided that I will be limiting my comments to be quality comments, ones where I am not just skimming to get to the next one.  I will still be visiting many blogs but I need to cut my comment time down as I have a number of personal projects I need to work on.

I might lose readers but I think the people who really like my blog will stay ... I have so many favorites that I could never list you all, people who inspire me each time I open a link.  I love that... it is why I continue to write and read, two of my passions.  That brings me to why I need to limit my comments, one I need to exercise... I use this place as an excuse not to sometimes, two I need to really write in my other blog for the book I am writing and three most importantly, I want and need to spend time with Valentina, I am a mama first.

I have to say I love every encouraging comment I receive here, it's another reason I comment, I know how good it feels to receive one and I never do it to get a comment back... I think it is nice to reciprocate but I do not in any way think it is mandatory.  I will still visit you all, I will still comment, it just won't be everyday.. I follow almost 500 blogs, thankfully not everyone posts every day, so it has been manageable but I am really shaking my life up.

I hope I remember everyone's link from last week, I will list them:

1.  It started with Ashly Rae from Ashly London, I think this is a fantastic read.

I am going to do this detox after I see my doctor next week, I am looking forward to the end result of how much healthier I will feel. 

2.  Then Dahi from Strangeness and Charms, sweet way to collect and save gratitude.

I do this with my on line gratitude journal, tomorrow will be 14 days.  I like her idea of the colored paper and I may do this down the road too:)

3.  Next was Vett from Real College Student of Atlanta, inspiring.

I loved her take on all the things which were recent thoughts and lessons learned, many of which I have learned or am now learning.

4.  Rick from Life 101, really great read.

I always enjoy reading Rick, he is laid back and thought provoking, this one was pretty deep with the question Why am I here?

5.  Sakshi, from Capturing Sunshine, who wrote this really insightful post.

It is something a lot of us feel at times but try to hide because it isn't easy to express ourselves openly, I really enjoyed what she had to say about when you can't express your feelings. 

6.  This blog really touched me, Happiness in a choice... it spoke to me.

The title was Finding Contentment... it is what we should all do, slow down, look around you and really live in the moment, be content. 

These are the ones that stood out that motivated me so much this week... big changes are coming for me but I do have to put the work in and I am more than ready, willing and able to... I look forward to the outcome.  I have to say there are so many of you that inspired me this week, people that normally don't write like that even wrote thoughtful posts. 

The last thing I need to say here is, if I had known before hand, I would have reacted another way but since I did not know before hand, then I reacted the only way I knew how, which doesn't mean I do hurtful things ... as that is not who I am.  This sums up my life ... this is the only way I can live, I cannot change the past, it is what it is, nor will I be held back by it in the future.  I can only forgive and move on... forgive myself and others.  I am the kind of girl who doesn't know how not to be open, I like being able to say how I am feeling, no matter what it is at any given moment. 

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I've Been Looking My Whole Life

I read a blog the other night by Dawn called  With wisdom gained it touched me deeply in my heart and I hope that what I write here will really convey what I felt.  She doesn't write often but when she writes it touches me deeply in my soul.  The first quote she had in the post had me crying and I continued to cry throughout the whole post.

“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin 

“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin - See more at: http://healingmorning.blogspot.ca/2014/02/with-wisdom-gained.html#sthash.bhNJ0P4t.dpuf

“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin - See more at: http://healingmorning.blogspot.ca/2014/02/with-wisdom-gained.html#sthash.bhNJ0P4t.dpuf

“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin - See more at: http://healingmorning.blogspot.ca/2014/02/with-wisdom-gained.html#sthash.bhNJ0P4t.dpuf

“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin - See more at: http://healingmorning.blogspot.ca/2014/02/with-wisdom-gained.html#sthash.bhNJ0P4t.dpuf

That is not a bad thing, it meant I really felt what she was trying to convey to her readers.  It really spoke to me because I actually knew what she meant, I have had this happen once in my life, the feeling of... Ahh... there you are, I have been looking my whole life for you... and losing that left me empty inside. 

She wrote this earlier in the week and I took a few days to digest it, really think about it... and although I lost that person who knew me inside out, they lost me too... it is rare, very rare to meet or find someone that you can be that close to, someone you can share all your inner thoughts with and not feel like you are being judged. 

It has been more difficult than anything I can write here but I cannot let losing this person out of my life harden me so that I don't give that same passion to someone who deserves it... if I allowed it to harden me because of the deep sadness it caused I will never be able to move forward and find it again.  I will find it again and that person will be deserving of what I will offer.

I remember when I was a very young girl and going through the trial of being raised by my ex step mother who did all that she could to beat me down, literally. I always knew there was something better and that I had to be strong enough to make it through all her craziness.  I believed once I was free of her that I would find someone special who would truly love me for who I was and not try to tear me down. 

People that do everything within their power to pull you down to their level are nothing but insecure and they feel undeserving of love.  What ultimately happens with them is that they lose what they fight so hard to keep... because attempting to destroy other people to keep what you want will never last.  Just ask my ex step mother, she lost everything eventually and ended up a lonely old woman with nothing. 

I refuse to be bitter, I refuse to give up and I refuse to let the smallness of other people take away my dreams, my hopes and my wishes.  This last six months have been a refining period in my life, one I have needed to grow... so that I will be ready to have that someone special who will come along and feel lucky and blessed to have found me.  They won't leave or give up because they too will remember that feeling... Ahh... there you are, I have been looking my whole life for you... and I will say... I have always been here... becoming the best me so that I can give the best of myself to you, just as he will want to give me the best of himself too.

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