My Three Wants

I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of my life, which means what do I want today because no one is offered tomorrow for a certainty.  When I think about what I really want, there are only three things, one I want to see my children with joy in their lives, I see a lot of that in them now, I want to see more.  Two, I want to do something more with my writing, I have some ideas and I am researching them... I will see what comes of it all and third, I want to be able to see my David, I want to have a gigantic bear hug from him with those huge arms of his... I always felt safe in them... that way I could lay my head on his chest and just feel him breathe, than I could breathe that way again before everything changed.

I think it is funny when we sit down and really think about what we want and none of them usually entail material items... not that it's wrong to want things, they are just not what is most important to me.  My wants are the simple things in life, the things that give me happiness and joy... the long term kind.  I don't want instant gratification, that never brought any lasting joy.  It actually has left me feeling emptier than before I started... which than had me looking for bigger things to fill that empty spot. None of which worked, since the empty part of me needed to be filled with love, not things.

Writing helps me to put my thoughts together in cohesive patterns where I work issues out, I feel like if I didn't write... I wouldn't have been able to come as far as I have... I see that I sometimes slide back into old patterns but I find that because I write, I don't stay in them as long, I find the way out of it sooner.  I find for me that writing my emotions down, free me..

The one about my children is what every parent wants in this world... I want my children to have joy... I want them to do better than I did as I did better than my parents.  I am thrilled when they excel at whatever they do, that is what brings me joy... knowing my children have joy in their lives.  I feel blessed to have my children... I am grateful that I was able to be there mommy or mama.

The one about David is simple, he gives the best hugs I have ever had... they are the kind that you are totally wrapped up by the other person, where time seems to stand still and all you can hear is the thumping of the other persons heart... and it's enough, just being able to breathe without so much tension.  When I thought about what I wanted, I just want to breathe without the tension that is there now... I want to feel that relaxed again one day.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Sometimes All I Need Is A Hug

I read this quote and it touched me because I have been alone a fair amount of time while I am healing and I have little personal contact with people.  My little Valentina came down for a visit last night and when she left we just hugged for a really long time... it felt great.  I miss all her hugs, she gives me many through out the day.

Hugs from people that I love are so amazing, they have the power to calm me down or make me incredibly happy.  They always invoke good and uplifting thoughts and feelings.  Some of my fondest memories are being with someone that I love and just hugging... feeling each others hearts beat.. not having to say a word.

Sometimes as the quote says, there are no words... only a hug will do.  I have been majorly lacking in that department, right now... all I need is a really good long hug, where I feel safe just to let go...

I think Valentina will be home in a few weeks, I plan to make up some of those missing hugs... plus enjoy some of the present and not worry so much about what might or might not happen in the future. 

Some hugs I have had in my life have been so amazing that if I close my eyes, I can almost feel those arms around me.... those are good memories. 

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥