I Am Worthy, Just Because I Am Me

 

I had an interesting week, one with a lot of ups and downs... those are the ones you learn from the most. They are not easy but growth never is and as much as we say how life would be simpler without challenges, at least for me I know that life would be rather boring and unchanging.

I was speaking with someone about an injustice they were dealing with, about how they wanted to get back at the person who had hurt them... I asked them why? Then I said, you know what, people that do things to hurt others have that all come back to them... we don't have to do or say anything. As a matter a fact I pray for the woman that has done countless things to hurt me in the past year and a half... I feel sad for her that she doesn't know her own worth... if she did, she would not waste her time trying to hurt me.

So, I told the person I was talking with that although they have been hurt, the best thing they could do was walk away, don't give that person an ounce of satisfaction by fighting back... I never retaliated and I never will because I know my worth and I don't need to prove it to her or anyone else. I just need to live my life and be the best person that I can be... my worth is not tied up in someone else, especially not in someone else who doesn't know their own.

I am not sure the person I talked to understood but I am hoping they do, because retaliating will only hurt them and keep the issue open which will actually make it worse. I understand that whatever path they take is the one they will have to deal with but I realized even more that I made the right choice in never responding to her and I could have but what would it have proved? I know I have the truth on my side and frankly the truth always has a way of coming out... it cannot be hidden forever.

I had some moments in time brought up to me through Facebook memories and Time Hop... which reminded me that I had very little self worth at one time, that was difficult to see but I also saw where I started to change, where I began to understand the truth. I saw the shift in my thinking, it was subtle at first... I stumbled from time to time with the knowledge of my worth as I think we all do. Basically because we expect so much from ourselves and when we fail we sometimes believe our worth goes with the failure.

This is not true though, our self worth is always there. It is us who needs to remember this and not use it as an excuse to give up our worth and settle for less then we deserve. The old me would have lowered the bar and accepted less, thinking that was all I could have but the new me knows I am worthy, just because I am me....

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I Can Weather Any Storm

I have been wanting to write for days, I have started the first line many times...  I know what I want to say, I just didn't feel like I could say it.  My words have been used against me, twisted in ways I don't even recognize them.   That is why I wrote my last post ... to make myself perfectly clear.  The thought that someone would do everything they could to hurt me is beyond me, I have no desire to hurt anyone like that.

I realized that anyone who took the time to search all of my writings to twist my words to paint me one way, doesn't make them right.  I am not what they want to portray me as, I am tenacious and I never give up... this is the way I have always been... I have had to come through a lot more than this last challenge and I have always come out on top.  I survived ten years of child abuse, being a single mom at the age of eighteen, the emotional abuse in my marriage, the rape... losing him... I can survive whatever is dished out to me.

Believe me when this last challenge came along, I wanted to lay all the words out to prove that they had twisted everything out of proportion but I knew that this is what they wanted from me, I will never break my promise ... some things will stay where they belong and that will leave them to wonder...  Besides, even when it is in plain English, these types of people will find a way to twist them for their own benefit.

It's because they are insecure and they don't believe in themselves... otherwise they wouldn't take hours out of their day trying to pull another person down.  I personally don't have hours in my day to waste hurting anyone... I believe in karma.  I know you cannot keep hurting people and it not come back to you, it is a fact of life, I almost feel sorry for them, because I know that what karma gives back is worse than what is given out. 

So, think about how many hours of your life that were wasted searching for ways to pull me down... since nothing could really be found, my words were twisted so that you could feel better... I am never going to stop writing and I will say what I feel even if my words are taken out of context to appease someone else.  It's better that this person wastes time pulling me down, instead of hurting someone else who might not be able to deal with it... I am strong and tenacious, I can weather any storm.

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