Rising Above The Pain

I had a dream last week that was unnerving... one because I actually dreamed (I rarely sleep long enough to get to the dream stage), two because I woke up twice and went back to the same dream and third it wasn't a pleasant dream... yet I learned something that really made me think... which then had me considering all the trials and challenges I have had to deal with in my life. I actually felt different about them.

I think many times after getting through a trial where I am finally able to breathe and have gratitude that it is over... I never really looking at what it might have been teaching me, never really seeing the good that may have come from it... just knowing it made me stronger. The dream made me think of the worst possible scenario that could happen in my life, hence why I wasn't thrilled that I kept going back it...

The next day I was watching a program on TV that had two people who had gone through a great loss, much like the one I had dreamed of... the first person could not get passed it, they were angry and said that although they had gone on with their lives, they were sure that it would always leave a dark cloud over them... The second person suffered a huge loss too but they chose to look for the good and became the best person they could, they went on to do wonderful things with their life.

I cannot judge the first person as I am not her and I did not go through what she did but it made me think of the many difficult trials that I have dealt with and what I had learned from each of them... If my life had been different and some of them had not happened, I would not be who I am today... I would not have learned some very important lessons. What I learned from that dream was that no matter what trial or challenge befalls me, I have to get up and never give up. 

Which then made me think of how I lost 'him' out of my life and where I would be if I had not... I began to think how I took the pain I had from losing 'him' and put it into exercising with my whole heart. Every time I would feel any sadness I would go out for a walk ... I became healthier than I have ever been, If I had not lost 'him' the way I did I probably wouldn't have kept up with it when I got close to my goal as I never did before, this time was different ...

I have seen two people go through the same awful trial, one rose above it and found their purpose, the other one lived in their sadness and never grew... Yes we have all had unthinkable challenges that we could continually question 'Why me'? ... No matter what it is, someone else has gone through it and rose above it... Regardless of what the pain is, it is teaching us something we need to learn... I had to decide to learn the lesson so that I can rise above the pain...

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The Choice To Numb It Or Feel It

I have to say I have been wanting to write for the past couple of days and there seemed like one thing after another that came up. Saturday I spent at a conference, it was very good and something that I am grateful I attended. It was about wellness in all forms... I think we all need to hear more about how to care for ourselves better. So then when I got home that night I needed to do laundry as I had been neglecting it due to the vast amount of exercise I have been doing. 

 

Then Sunday came around and I went to church, caught up on many of my blogs and then took a 5 mile walk with a friend. I was quite wiped out by the time I got back. You'd think I would have been able to sleep... but no... I am still waking up 3 to 5 times per night. It doesn't even seem to matter that I am eating great and exercising nearly every single day... Oh well, I am sure I will be able to sleep through a full night one of these days. 

Just a quick update with my exercise, I am still going strong, I walked over 40 miles last week, I do feel better for it, as well I was able to drop some of the weight I had gained in July. Although I do want to lose pounds, it is not the most important thing, getting healthy by exercising daily and eating consciously is my main focus... everything else can and will follow. What I really want to gain from keeping my lifestyle changes is being healthy emotionally. 

This past week has been a reflective one, I was thinking about what I wrote last week wondering if I really meant it...?  Then I remembered a quote about how we just need to fake it until we make it... I also realize that the longer I stay away from attempting to date, the harder it will be to go back. I can be a girl of excuses but I don't want to be her anymore... that girl with all the excuses was in a difficult place, one I never thought I would rise from.

Yet I did rise, and even though I am not completely hopeful that love will ever come my way, I know that if I don't put myself out there, it more than likely won't happen. Also a good friend reminded me that all I have to do is look back and see how far I have come... Difficult challenges are going to come, I know there are people that have dealt with trials I have no idea how they made it through, each day I am inspired with how they have overcome something and grown beyond what they thought they could ever have dealt with.

 

Remember that saying that Heavenly Father will not give us more than we can handle...? I was reminded that wasn't true, he actually gives us a little more so that we stretch and grow. The real question is if we want to grow...?  If we don't want to, we have the choice to give into the pain... however; I am here to say that numbing the pain only lasts so long, eventually we all have to deal with it... I know from personal experience that most times dealing with the pain, isn't nearly as bad as numbing it...

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Learning To Rise Again

I want to thank everyone for their kind comments and messages from last week, I had been feeling very vulnerable and overwhelmed... there are many changes I am dealing with as we all are and I know that none of us have it simple... The point that I wanted to get across last week was that there are times we all feel down and we need to be able to express this, we shouldn't live there as that isn't healthy for us either but I believe we all need to have our feelings validated from time to time. 

Our biggest successes in life come from rising after a fall.. no one likes to fail, it can paralyze us from trying again but if we allow it to stop us we will never grow... It's what I have been going through for the last couple of years. I have been frozen with fear to really give love a chance again and not because love didn't work out for him and me, I knew that for a very long time and had come to terms with it before.

What had me stuck for so long was how we had shared everything, all of our hopes, our dreams and how we were the best of friends. I believed I could count on him when I needed to vent or talk about a trial I was going through... and he could most certainly count on me, even today. When I lost that relationship I lost my ability to trust anyone. I put on the face, said the right things but deep down inside I was lost for a very long time. 

I had fallen further than I had ever fallen in my life... I kept thinking there was no way I could get back to trusting anyone and definitely not like that again... if he and I could share so many things on such a deep and personal level and still have our friendship fall completely apart... how could I honestly learn to trust anyone even a little? It was then that I thought about how trusting was really learning and that although I fell, I needed to continue to rise. 

I guarantee it will be difficult for me to fully trust anyone like I did him... but what I am willing to do today, is start to trust just a little and build from there. Eventually I will trust someone as much or maybe even more than I did him... When I think of other extremely difficult trials I have overcome, none of them were easy but I found a way to rise each time. For I never want to stop learning as that is how I will grow and become stronger.

Maybe that is what he was in my life for, to teach me that even if everything we believe in fails and we fall, it matters that we always rise and learn to try again.

 

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