Enjoy The View

"I think that you have to believe in your destiny; that you will succeed, you will meet a lot of rejection and it is not always a straight path, there will be detours - so enjoy the view."

- Michael York
This quote above is true... it seems we all want a clear sailing path without the rejection or sadness but what would we learn from having a life that never had real growth opportunities?  Would we truly be happy, joyful and grateful?  I know we would all like to think that we would, I would hope that I had those qualities... However; I have seen in my own life that when things are wonderful, I tend to get lost in myself and I stop giving of me to others as I should.  Not on purpose by any means... I think trials are sometimes given to me to remind me that I am here for a higher purpose or reason than just to make myself happy.

Although I am not thrilled to admit this to myself, I would not be honest if I didn't admit that many of the trials I have gone through, I have brought on myself by poor decisions.  I know as a mother that when one of my children has made a choice that wasn't appropriate, I have had to give out consequences... In the past I was the kind of parent that would just give in because I didn't want to deal with the fall out of what discipline can bring but I have learned that unless I am firm with my resolve and I learn to understand that I am not showing love my giving in, I am showing that there are no real consequences to their actions.

I liken this to myself because although I don't want to see my children unhappy and uncomfortable, I do want them to know that a lot of the time they can avoid these feelings by making better choices in their lives.  I didn't have very good roll models when I was growing up with Ruth my ex step mother and my father.  My father let us do whatever, he was like a big teenager and he was never really a parent... case in point, when my mother and father reunited when I was fifteen, my dad didn't just let us smoke or drink, he actually bought these for us...  WOW... at the time I thought this was cool... yeah... once I became a parent I thought this was insane...  and Ruth, well let's just say she isn't really worth my words or time. 

Instead of rewarding bad behavior, I show love... I sometimes think that some of the trials we are given are to show us love... there is no trial that is easy but those trials we bring on ourselves seem the hardest to handle.  Instead of focusing on the trials lately, I have been enjoying the view along that path, the trial won't last forever and I want to learn the lesson I need to, so that I will stop repeating the poor choices I have made in the past.

This is not to say that there are not trials that happen that absolutely none of us deserve, some that are almost beyond comprehension but I have learned that although painful, there is always something that I come away with and it almost invariably strengthens me.  It's like that story about how we are always being refined and polished to become the best person we are capable of becoming, which is truly much more than we are really aware of....

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Redemption Is A Rescue

I watched one of my all time favorite movies tonight, The Shawshank Redemption, it always inspires me to think how I can be free in my mind no matter what the circumstances are.  If the main character Andy Dufresne could remain hopeful after the many trials he had to overcome, why can I not have that same mind set, my trials are no where near the ones the character had to deal with.

This movie has many lessons, I see it a bit differently each time... it depends on the mood I am in when I watch it.  Tonight I saw it as two very good friends whose friendship grew so strong throughout the years that by the time Red received a postcard, he knew by the postmark where Andy had talked about.  This is the kind of friendship I treasure, I want that again... I do have David that I can talk to but lately we haven't had that due to his health.  He has to go back in the hospital for surgery again.  I am hoping he heals quickly so that we can get back to really talking. 

Every once in a great while a movie comes along that touches me and I never get bored from seeing it many times over the years.  I mean the kind of movies that inspire, uplift or really make you feel emotions... I have may have ten movies like that, this is one of those top ten.

 

I might do a post on my top ten inspirational movies to me, we all have different tastes but I can write about the lessons I learned from each movie. I used to be a collector of movies, I owned well over three hundred movies.  I don't collect movies anymore, I can always download them and watch them if I feel the desire to see one.

This movie makes me think how important it is to keep a part of your mind always having a place with hope in it so that when life becomes unbearable, you can go there and and feel free to dream.  We all need that place, otherwise we will get used to our circumstances as Brooks did and when he became free on the outside, he couldn't handle this in his head and he committed suicide.

I believe there are many times throughout our life that we might ponder if there is hope... if we build a strong foundation and always keep a part of your mind where hope can dwell then you will always have somewhere to remember and become strong. I also found a definition of redemption which was: deliverance, rescue... I think we all want to be felt like we were rescued, that is what redemption is about.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield 

I Decide Who And What Is Good For Me

True happiness is proportional only to my yielding to the brokenness, and not to my refusing to accept it or to my struggling to overcome it. ~ David Patten

This quote touched me, I have always thought I had to accept or overcome sadness, this put it all into perspective. I have to yield to it, it will be the only way I can truly grow to my potential.

Last night I was talking to my sister who was lamenting the fact that she was still alone... She admitted she was still in love with a man from her recent past and he's still in love with her.  I said what's the issue?  She said he lives in Texas. I said okay, why can't you be together?  She said I'm in New York, he's in Texas. 

Then I told her that if things had worked out with my David as they should have.  I would have moved anywhere with him. I would have lived on the moon, nothing would have kept me from being with him, nothing!!  I've never felt that way about anyone else in my life.

She stopped and said, you're right... She is seriously thinking of waiting for the school year to be over and then moving there this summer.  I hope she does it, I hope it works out. I want to see her happy. If we don't take a chance now, when? 

It never ceases to amaze me how people who are close to me that have non stop opinions of how I need to live my life. The biggest one at the moment is how they think I need to remove David from my life completely. 

They don't understand how important my 'D' is to me.  If they did, they wouldn't suggest anything that crazy.  When my best friend Heather died in 2002 in a car crash, I lost it, literally.  I barely functioned... I really believe I had a breakdown, I cried non-stop, I didn't eat for five weeks, I lost 40 pounds. 

I didn't care about anything, that was when I found out I was pregnant with Valentina, I was shocked. Finding this out brought me back to eating and taking care of myself.  I loved Heather as my best friend and I very nearly didn't make it through, I don't want to think what would happen to me if I lost my David completely.

He centers me, doesn't judge me, makes me laugh and makes me feel special.  It's true that it is difficult not having him completely but some people are worth having part way.

To be 100% honest, if I had thought for one minute that my D and I wouldn't make it, I would have just stayed friends.  The type of friends we are is so much more important than romantic love. Don't get me wrong, the romantic part was wonderful, amazing and fabulous.  I just don't think having all of that would have been worth losing him over. He's more than that to me.

I know that people just care about me and they want me to be happy, I am happy with having David as a friend.  I am not going to lie and say that it is easy but I know that I have weighed it from both sides and being friends with him well out weighs the pain of not having him completely in my life the way I had wished.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

I Will Have The Courage To Fly

It's not until you have the courage to step off the ledge that you'll realize you've had wings all along. ~ Gail Lynne Goodwin

The quote above is true if very scary, it is always hard to take that first step and have faith that we'll have the wings to fly.  We have been promised that if we have faith, miracles can happen.  I've seen this happen in my life often.
               

When we feel as though we don't deserve miracles is when we need to embrace this even more. We most assuredly deserve wonderful awesome things in our lives.  It's our human side that makes us feel as if we are not good enough.  Just because we are alive means we deserve amazing things.

It's the human side of us that is sure because we made mistake after mistake that we don't deserve happiness.  I've felt this for years, I even felt this when my relationship with David didn't work out.

There was no reason that it didn't work out so I felt it must have been because I wasn't worthy?  Something awesome was given to me, only to say, ha ha... Did you really think after the way you lived your life that you deserved someone as kind as wonderful as David? 

It's taken me years to believe that I do deserve someone wonderful, kind and loving. Just because I've messed up in the past, that does not mean that I don't deserve to be loved by someone with their whole heart and soul.

Some people don't realize what they could have had and they waste their opportunity.  I'm not going to waste mine, my time will come...  I just have to believe and have faith.  Everything will work out as I know it was meant to.

I will open those wings and soar above the clouds.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield