I Feel Like The Princess And The Pea

I didn't sleep last night, not sure why... it is getting ridiculous as when I am at work all day, I am sure if I laid my head on my desk I would pass out and start drooling in my sleep.  I have even entertained the thought of crawling under my desk and drifting off.  Of course I don't do these things and I am sure my bosses wouldn't think very much about me.  A girl can dream though... However, I get home, I unwind, do a little cooking, cleaning, blogging and then finally I head off to bed and then boom... my eyes are wide awake.  I yawn, I change positions over and over, I have blankets on, I take them off, I fluff my pillows, I take pillows away. 

I love my bed, it is one of those memory foam mattresses which is absolutely perfect for me since I am built like a large hour glass, it is wonderful for my hips, they never have to be uncomfortable on a spring.  Believe me, I don't care how comfortable your pillow top mattresses are, the minute I curl up on my side, I feel the springs.  I feel like the girl from The Princess And The Pea.  These days, however; I am beginning to think no matter how comfortable my bed is, it seems I am unable to sleep.

I have gone as far as taking a nice warm relaxing bath, changing my sheets, having my room cleaned, turning off all sounds, TV, computer, music... you name it.  It is dark and quiet but do I sleep... NO...  I never sleep more than two or two and a half hours at a time. Which believe is not conducive to concentration... everything is funny to me, I laugh uncontrollably.   Which is not a bad thing, I think laughter is great, more people need to laugh a little more than being so darned serious.  Mine is a little overboard, especially when I haven't slept for long periods of time.

Saying all this... I am off to bed again; I am off to dreamland... hoping that the dream lasts for four or five hours.  That would be beyond amazing, I miss those days when I could lay my head down and instantly fall to sleep for six or seven hours.  I used to hear of people who had insomnia and I considered myself blessed that I didn't have to deal with the lack of sleep.  Those days are gone, apparently my body thinks I have slept enough from when I was a young adult. 

The only other idea that comes to mind is that hopefully once I start working out daily, I will exhaust myself so much I will pass out and dream for four or five hours.  I am not giving up on the idea that sleep will once again be my friend.  Maybe I should take my mattress apart and see if there is a pea underneath... that would mean I was a princess, then again, all women are princesses, why not me?

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥
 

All Girls Are Princesses

I've been thinking of how I've had such low self esteem the majority of my life and how I made choices that kept me at that level. I forgot the truth about myself and all women.  We are all princesses, it doesn't matter if we are young, old, skinny, large, etc. Whatever we are, we are all beautiful in our own way. I had to think about it this way, my two girls are very beautiful to me. When either one tells me they are not, I get upset that they cannot see what I see.

I had a bit of an a-ha moment with that, because I haven't always thought I was all that beautiful but I was only thinking of the outside packaging. I don't believe my children are beautiful just because of their looks. I think they are beautiful on the inside, which radiates on the outside.

My oldest who is very head strong is beautiful to me because she's strong willed and does not settle for less then what she deserves. She respects herself enough to only want the best, she knows her self worth. That is beautiful to me.

My youngest is incredibly thoughtful, she draws me pictures, gives me tons of hugs and she radiates that sweet nature she has inside. She is so kind, so loving and such a chatterbox. I miss her when she's not home, she lights my day up.

I have been pondering on this since my youngest told me one day that she couldn't live in a castle because she wasn't a princess yet...  I looked at her and I said you are a princess, all girls are princesses and don't ever forget it.  She smiled, I tell her this often now, I always want her to remember that.  It was around this time that I realized that I believed this for my children but have not always believed this for myself.

There was my a-ha moment, if I want my children to know that they are amazing, I have to believe that I am as well... Is this easy?  No... it is not easy at all but it's true. If we want the people in our lives to believe how wonderful they are, we have to believe in ourselves.  If I want to have positive happy people in my life, I have to be positive and happy.  The truth is that whatever you send out comes back to you in equal force, I choose to send out love.