Listen, You Are Beautiful

This is going to be a quick post, it has been a very long day... I had the VON come in to look at my skin graft, Cindy came down with Valentina, a dear friend came over to help me clean up a little and another brought me dinner.  I haven't really rested today, so my body is taking over and telling me... get some rest.

I just wanted to touch base and tell everyone, I am so catching up on all my blogs still, it is almost 3 weeks worth.  Where my computer is situated it is difficult for me to sit too long to type.  So, I need to lay up on my bed and just relax for a while.

I am a little disappointed with myself, although I know I am only human... I expect so much more from myself...  I have been allowing stress to take our my life, I have been pushing myself a little too much and I really need to listen to my body.

I read this quote above after having an interesting experience today... which reminded me of the incident... I ran to the washroom to brush my teeth, when I looked in the mirror, I had no make-up, my hair was in a high pony tail and I was still in my nighty... but I really looked at myself and thought... I am pretty... I don't always think this of myself... I am often critical.  I really looked at myself though, I have nice shaped eyes, I have great lips, full and shaped like a bow and I have wonderful hair, long and thick... Usually I have to have my hair done and make up on and all dressed up to see myself this way.  Today though... I what I saw was beautiful to me.  We all need to do that once and a while, really look at ourselves and love ourselves.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Searching In The Right Places

I read this quote today, ' Wherever we search, we are searched for. ~ David Wilcox' which made me think that I really need to start searching in better places.  If I search for people, places and events in places that I have looked in my past, I will keep having the same results.  If I instead search people/places/events where I deserve, where I expect more because I should have only the best, I will have my hearts desire.

For some odd reason, it has been difficult for me to believe that I deserve the best... I am sure many people think this way too.  I did not pass that trait on to my oldest daughter, she expected the best and she received the it, I am happy for her.  I do of course want my daughters to want better and I instill that in them all the time.  I hope Valentina follows in her sisters footsteps as well... I just hope she is a little less disappointed in me than Andrea.  I do love both of my daughters completely. 

The truth is that if I want my children to want better, I need to want better for myself.  I give a lot of credit to my oldest daughter Andrea, she really had a plan for her life and she is achieving it, which makes me really happy.  Valentina may not have that trait, she may need me to model what I hope for her... of course I will happy with whatever choices she makes, I will wish and pray for the best for her as I always do for my oldest daughter as well.

So I am going to search for what I need in beautiful places, calm places and joyful places.... I already have some ideas of where these places are, all of them are good and uplifting places.  One of them will be postponed until I am healed from my operation, I think once I can start walking then running, the place I do will be a beautiful and calm place for me to be with my own thoughts and no media taking over my life.

I think in this world today where everyone is connected almost every moment of every day, I think we need to find places where we can just disconnect and be so that we will be able to be clear minded and to search the right places...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

I Am Going To Trust My Hopes, Not My Fears

"You must strive to become much less susceptible to influences outside of yourself and much more inclined to trust the instincts and feelings that lie within you." ~ Bob Proctor

That's a pretty powerful quote, I know that I have rarely relied upon my inner self and I didn't trust me to always make good decisions.  I constantly looked outside of me for the answers.  Not that there are not wonderful people with amazing ideas but I'm one of those people, I just need to believe that.

When and where did I stop believing in myself?  I know a lot of this starts at home and I never had that positive influence while I was growing up. I no longer have that excuse, I'm an adult.....  I will heal the little girl inside, she will feel the love from me that she so desperately needed growing up.

I also heard and incredibly eye opening thought tonight, I heard it and went, AHHH...  When we say 'I am fat, I am ugly, I am not worthy, I am unlovable, etc....  The truth is that what follows I am is what we become.  

So, going forward, I am healthy, I am beautiful, I am lovable, I am worthy....  For every negative I am thought, I am consciously going to change that thought to a positive I am thought.  I want this to become second nature, so that eventually a positive I am thought will happen immediately. 

What we think, we become.  I have even had Valentina start this, in the morning I say 'I am?  She has answered with, 'I am beautiful', 'I am smart', I am good at math'.  Here's the wonderful thing, she doesn't even hesitate, she just throws out positive I am's.  Exactly what I want to do when I say an I am thought!

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Back To Reality

I had a dream last night, a lovely dream; one I didn't want to wake up from.  I even woke up with a smile on my face than it all came back to me that the dream was just that, a dream.  I wanted to go back to sleep to continue it but off to work I go...

In my dream I somehow woke up when I was 14 and I knew all that I know now but it was like I was given a chance to start all over again.  A chance to make it right, too bad I couldn't go back with the knowledge I have now.  I definitely would have been able to deal with my ex step mother better, I wouldn't have allowed her to get into my head with her negative words as I did when I was younger.

I know, it's probably better that I can't go back or I could really make changes that ultimately might not be better for me...  maybe, just maybe I wouldn't  be the strong person I am today without all the really traumatic incidents.  Perhaps I may not have learned tolerance and compassion as well, I somehow think I would have discovered this anyway as this is who I am.

For a moment I thought I wouldn't want to change the past for I may not have my children but I honestly believe you have the children you are destined to have regardless of the path you choose.  Of course they may not look the way they do now but I believe I would have had their spirits as I was meant to be their mother.

This is all irrelevant anyhow... we cannot go back into the past, that is just a fantasy.  I did however enjoy it immensely while I slept, it felt so real.  Back to reality now...  have I learned anything from my dream?  Yes!  A great deal more than I can even convey...

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Confidence Brings Out Beauty

 It's funny how we can idealize people, it's not good to do that to them. When we place someone high on a pedestal we set them up for failure. No one's perfect.

Not even my David, although people may think that I feel he is from my posts. He's not, he'd be the first person to tell anyone that he's not perfect. I had him up so high that I never believed I was even worthy of him, I felt like I was lucky that he paid any attention to me at all.

Wow, I really felt so little about myself, I truly deserved David as much as he deserved me. I am as wonderful as he says I am. I told him last night that I was taking him off the pedestal, I said he was relieved that I finally could see him as he is, which I think is a wonderful, kind and loving man who isn't perfect but still pretty wonderful.

My feelings towards David were similar to the characters of Ross and Rachel from the show Friends. Ross had the same insecurities about Rachel and he had her on a pedestal for many years. When he finally took her down and realized she was just a human being, albeit wonderful in his eyes; they ended up having that open and loving relationship. Although it was only a show, it depicted my thoughts that I had about David.


I'm grateful that I finally realized I am special and I deserve to be loved completely. David's my equal, I won't forget that ever again.