One Moment At A Time

I am not one to make resolutions for the New Year, as I find that most times it is just a set up for failure.  I do believe in setting goals, I just don't like doing it at a set time... for me, I just have to do it when I am ready, the day doesn't really matter.  I actually find the more I think of making a change in my life, the more I find excuses not to...

I have had plenty of challenging years but truthfully who has not? No one has an easy or perfect life, it just doesn't exist. As much as we get upset about the trials we encounter, they have the ability to make us better, stronger more empathetic. Believe me when I say that many challenges make absolutely no sense and actually leaves us wondering why we would have to deal with it. However; given time, I usually have come to understand why. 

When Andrey raped me over 8 years ago, I crawled into a shell, I lost my voice... but then I started writing to get it back... I made questionable choices because of the emotional pain I was going through. I am not going to say that I am happy I was raped but I gained a strength I was not aware that I had and I gained an empathy for other people that went through this and other tragedies.  

I have been reflecting on the insanity of this past year, wondering what I need to learn from it, the answers don't always come instantly, sometimes they take a great deal of time. I do know that I ended the year on brighter note, I had a lovely Christmas and I am feeling so relaxed now that I am working at home...  I do have a goal which is an ongoing one, I want to be healthy again... I believe that I was given the opportunity to work at home so that I would have the time to work on regaining my health, for this, I am incredibly grateful.

I feel like the last year of my life had me going backwards with my health, I miss how physically fit I was. I read the first quote by Tony Robbins where he said that making a decision in a moment can change the course of our lives... It had me thinking about the many times in my life where I was standing on the edge of change, questioning if I would be able to leap off and trust that I wouldn't fail. Often I looked over the edge and come up with excuses why leaping might not be the best thing to do... Ultimately, I made the decision to go with it, it was only then that I understood it was never as hard as I believed it would be... which makes me question why I keep holding myself back... 

 

The main thing I want to take away from my trials throughout the years is that no matter how difficult they may be, I am strong enough to handle them. I need to remember that while I am right in the middle of a challenge, there is always a way through. Nothing is permanent. Life is so much shorter than we truly know, with the passing years I have come to appreciate the moment I am in... As all we have is one moment at a time... 

I want to wish all my blog friends throughout the world a very Happy New Year, I hope it brings love, joy and gratitude ...💗💗💗

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Starting Today

I have been wanting to sit down and write for the last few days but life has been extremely busy with the holidays... when I finally had some time to relax, I chose to catch myself up with everyone's blog and I have taken a great deal of time to think. I really have never been one that sits down on New Years Eve and makes resolutions, although I do believe in making goals because if I don't make some sort of goals, I flounder around.

I have used excuses in the past couple of months for not exercising, not eating healthy, not being present... I had my course, my new changes at work and of course Christmas... However, as I thought about it over the past couple of days, I knew that they were only excuses to give myself permission to do as I pleased, I decided today that I am not letting anymore excuses get in my way.

Starting today, I will be eating better, I will be filling in my food journal on My Fitness Pal... I will also be walking/exercising as much as I can and I will be tracking this on Map My Walk again. This Winter seems to be more mild and I couldn't be happier, so I am going to use the nicer weather while I can to get myself started back on track.

This past year I rid myself of excess items, I have a lot more that I need to let go of before I actually move this Summer. My motto lately is about becoming minimalistic about things, I don't feel the need to have excess items, they just take up space and clutter my life. I am downsizing in so many ways and actually looking forward to it...

I also want to take my last payroll course this year which I will likely do this Spring, after year end and before I am in the craziness of moving this Summer... Then I can look at other options and who knows where they will lead me. Although change is extremely difficult, especially when it is handed to us... it really is a good thing, it is just not always easy to see that when we are in the middle of it...

2014 was a year of ups and downs in many ways, I started off the year unable to sleep... that lasted for nine long months but I finally found a way to get more rest. It was a year of learning, constant polishing... wondering if I would get passed all the trials.  There are still some I am working on, others that I got through... and through this whole year I held on to hope.

Hope that all the challenges and changes I had to deal with would eventually make sense one day... I still hold on to that... It is that hope that I have held on to that made me think about what I have been doing in my life and where it was leading me? ... It then led me to think about how hard I had worked to get to where I am today and how I was throwing away all the hard work. My question to myself of course was why? ...

The answer was that I allowed myself to slide so that I could numb myself in whatever way I could find, just so that I wouldn't have to feel. Thankfully, I know that I just had to decide to get back on track and with some hard work, I will be even better than I was in the past. I am well aware that I am going to have to deal with feelings, which I am hoping will be easier now that there is less chaos in my life.

My new motto each morning to myself is 'Starting Today' I will or will not do one thing for the day.... I never want to go back to where I was... which means that I have to make the necessary changes... the key word is 'I'... So, starting today, I am going to be accountable to myself.

I thank each of you for reading and or commenting, it has been a wonderful year of growing new and old friendships over the internet, you all made me feel less alone....  I want to take this opportunity to wish all of my readers a very Happy New Year... I hope 2015 brings you all joy and peace❤

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