A Time To Reflect

I held off writing this post because I feel like I had disappointed everyone. When I wrote my last post, I had already met 'S' and we seemed to have connected on many levels.  We talked at great length and laughed a lot, we were messaging each other all day throughout the day and making plans to see each other more.  Suddenly it ended as quickly as it started and although I was disappointed, I am still in a good place with myself.  I did take myself off the dating site for a while, I have issues when someone cannot say they are just not that into me.

I would respect someone more if they could be totally honest with me, especially since we had talked about it at great length before we even met.  I know when I met someone that I wasn't interested in, I nicely told him and didn't leave him hanging. Not everyone is capable of saying the truth for fear of not being able to handle the reaction.  Well, too bad...personally suck it up and be an adult, say the truth.

This past week gave me a little time to reflect and made me think about 'him' a bit, although 'he' did explain back in early 2012 that he realized he still had feelings for his ex, he did wait until he was home, many provinces away.  Also, he had no issue being with me the whole time he was home for the holidays in 2011, it made me wonder when he had actually come to the conclusion that he still had feelings for her...

Then it made me think about last summer when he and I were talking everyday and he was saying a lot of things he shouldn't have said because although I knew in my head that we were just friends, as I wrote about that often.  My heart wasn't quite as smart and I still had feelings... of course I never hid those either, anyone who was not aware was blind, deaf or dumb... none of which I thought he was... I think the thing that really upset me and had me turning around in circles was the about face in the matter of two days near the end of September last year.

Everything was normal on a Friday, we were laughing, teasing each other, joking and texting goodnight with xoxo like we did every night for the past couple of years.  Then out of the blue I was told something I wasn't aware of, I asked him to tell me more about it, I mean... we were 'friends', that is what 'friends' do, share their lives.  I was told that he would tell me later and to remember I was special to him and always would be...

That wasn't the truth, when it all finally came out two days later... I was the one left spinning, not understanding anything ... I was in shock and I have been for nearly nine months.  The whole thing blew me away because he told me how important honesty was to him and I reiterated the fact that it was extremely important to me too.  I was and always will be honest with the people in my life... he cannot say the same thing.

Instead of being honest, he stated he was unaware that I had been writing about him.  I want to laugh right here and now about that, he had liked my Facebook page, he had me listed as family and that meant he was getting all my updates and knew very well that I was writing about him.  Not to mention that I had actually sent many of the links to him, encouraging him to read them.  I also have a conversation where I had asked him if it was okay for me to write about him and he told me it was fine. 

This shook me to the core because I believed with my whole heart that even though we were only going to be friends, we would always be honest and open with each other.  After reflecting on my last dating incident, this all came to my mind and I realized that although he stated he wanted honesty... he only wanted what he could handle... That is very sad, as true friends are hard to come by... I have forgiven him, I refuse to hold a grudge against anyone, life is way too short.

I wanted to tell you all that I do believe that eventually I will find love, it just has to happen because I have so many people throughout this world that are hoping, praying and sending out beautiful happy vibes for me... it cannot be denied to me, I totally believe that the universe gives back what you give out.  So in essence this last dating episode with 'S' was actually good for me in the long run, it gave me time to really think... it gave me time to reflect.

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There Is More To Life Than Just Here And Now

I read chapter four of 'The Purpose Driven Life' which is entitled Made To Last Forever... the point to ponder at the end of the short chapter was a simple concept... "There is more to life than just here and now."  Which I truly believe, otherwise what is the point of us being here? As Rick Warren states in the book, if there was nothing more then here and now, we would just live it up and not care about what we do or say, there would be no repercussions.  Although we don't all have the same beliefs, I think we all hope that there is more to life than just this.

I can remember a time when I was seven or eight years old and my sisters and I were driving in the car with our dad and our ex step mother Ruth.  We were having a deep conversation about how the world and we came to be...  Pretty deep for three little girls under the age of seven or eight... it was after this conversation that I decided that there was more than I would ever understand on this Earth about how we all came to reside here.  Because as I thought about the Earth and the universe around us, I started thinking what is outside of the universe?  What was outside of that? ...It suddenly dawned on me that we are not meant to know all the answers here but I knew at the age of seven or eight that there was a deeper meaning.

 Unfortunately knowing this does not always make it easy, especially when I am handling tragedies, sadness or disappointments... Our Earthly life takes over, things that don't really matter seem to take front and center in our lives, events that don't really matter in the long run.  Since we are human beings we forget the goal of living for an eternity and let our minds concentrate on events that are mundane and not important. 

This chapter resonated with me as I have been agitated and on edge lately, when I think about why... I start pondering if the reason is something I really need to concern myself with?  I have been on this quest to know why?  I want answers, I want to understand...  What if I had the answers, would that change anything?  Or do I just need to know that sometimes the answers don't come in this life, they will be clear in the eternities and there we will understand.

By the way, in no way do I think that is easy to do... if I did, wow... my life would be simple.  However; life is not simple, we are spiritual beings having a human experience and since we are human, we tend to forget that the life we are living is not all that there is... There is more to life than just here and now....

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Magnificent Gifts Await Us

So often when things change in our lives, we have such a resistance to the change. This is because when people see a big change appearing they are often fearful that it is something bad. But it is important to remember that when something big changes in our lives, it means something better is coming. There cannot be a vacuum in the Universe, and so as something moves out, something must come in and replace it. When change comes, relax, have total faith, and know that the change is ALL GOOD.

Something more magnificent is coming to you!

May the joy be with you,

Rhonda Byrne
The Secret... bringing joy to billions

I not only follow many blogs on a very regular basis, I also have many emails sent to me that are uplifting quotes, thoughts and ideas.  One of them is from Rhonda Byrne (The Secret)... I love the paragraph above, it says exactly what I have been thinking and pondering about lately... That foolish fear that stops me in my tracks and keeps me from progressing.  2013 is the year for me to push past this, I am going to make it to the other side of my fear, I want to see what is there.

So I am getting to the end of this month and I have pretty well kept my goal to write every day.  I was late by 5 minutes one night, I didn't get home until 11:00 pm.  Another night the power went off but I just posted twice the next day.  Now I am going to see what I am made of, I am going to attempt to have 7 days worth of posts set up to be released every day while I am in the hospital and recuperating.  I have been a procrastinator for too many years, always trying to do every thing at the last moment.  I usually get through it but I don't think that is the best way to live.

You know what I can't wait for, that magnificent thing that is waiting on the other side of my fear... I am going to immerse myself in the change... instead of fearing it.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

More Of This Please‏

"Every time you appreciate something; every time you praise something; every time you feel good about something, you are telling the Universe: "MORE OF THIS, PLEASE!" You need never make another verbal statement of this intent and, if you are mostly in a state of appreciation, all good things will flow to you."
- Esther Abraham-Hicks

I appreciate my children, they are wonderful, caring, kind and loving girls.  Although I am not speaking to my oldest daughter at the moment (her choice, not mine), I think of her daily.  I pray for her and her beautiful family.  My youngest is so soft hearted she loves me, sometimes more than I feel I deserve.

 I am grateful for my friend Cindy who has always been there for me, even though I'm sure I've frustrated her on many occasions over our many years of being friends. She amazes me with her love for children, she rarely tires of them with their endless chatter and bountiful energy.  She has so much patience with them, especially with my Valentina.  I credit Cindy with giving her a strong foundation. 

I am so thankful for my close friendship with David. Although it has been a really tough year for both of us, he has been there for me and centered me when most people would have given up on me. I pushed the envelope with him on countless occasions, almost pushing him totally away but thankfully we remain as close as ever. I so desperately want to be there for him as he is and has been there for me.  I adore how much my David  loves his children, he's an amazing daddy!

I love that quote at the top of the page, I'm going to take every free moment that I have, praising the people in my life, being endlessly grateful for each of them.  I want the universe and my Heavenly father to know that I want more of these people in my life.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Nudges From The Universe

I have to tell you all something funny, if you read my blog you'll know that I have been talking about an inspirational incident that happened to me recently. The 'incident' changed my attitude and mood.

Up until Sunday I had not cried for no reason for about a month but Saturday night I had maybe an hour and a half of sleep so on Sunday I was rather weepy.  I desperately wanted to have control on Sunday but that was not to be.  On top of what I was going through, I was incredibly moved by the many blogs I read.  I love all the authenticity of the those blogs.

Anyway back to the funny story, I keep getting little pushes from the Universe and I keep using the excuse that I want it to be perfect.  I have to forget about perfection as none of us are perfect. So I will put two posts up tonight.

I also wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading all your blogs, it was great to catch up with every one.  So I had a great relaxing birthday yesterday and I got to talk to my "D", he made me laugh so hard and I smiled so much my cheeks hurt (in a good way).  

A quick thing about what I'm posting next, I guess I was fearful that people would laugh or just go ah ha...   I keep getting nudges, from things I read, shows I watch, music I listen to.  I'd say I'm being told something and that I better listen up :)

I thought I would just feel something and do it but no, this proved that I was thinking about myself and how it would affect me. The good thing I remembered is that this inspirational moment was just that and it has left me feeling great, with the desire to share the way I feel.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield