Appreciation, does it even exist?

I am just wondering if appreciation even exists any longer, I say this because I feel like I go out of my way to be there for people and what do I get... hmmm.... not much in return.  Not that I expect anything as I know that is not why I go out of my way to help people. I really help people because I care about them, I guess I just wanted a little thankfulness and gratefulness.

Instead, I feel like I am a bother when all I want to do is show people how important they are to me, I guess most people don't feel the same way. I wonder if people know how to be honest and truthful even if it hurts?  Really it is better to be honest with someone, it's like ripping a band aid off quickly, at least you get it over with.  What is the use in prolonging pain?  I just haven't figured out why people don't understand that. 

Maybe the reason people don't know how to be honest is because when they were, someone who promised that it was okay, was lying.  I on the other hand am being extremely honest and I expect honesty back.  Instead I am the one being hurt because people are afraid of being honest. Damn it, it makes me crazy... I just want to know where I stand, I just want to know the truth no matter what.

If I knew the truth, maybe I could move on... , maybe I wouldn't be in limbo for the rest of my life.  I am beginning to think I should be like almost everyone else and not give a damn, just be in it for myself.  Isn't that the way people seem to be? Maybe I should just stop caring... where the hell has it got me?  Maybe if I wasn't there for people, they might realize that I have gone out of my way to make their lives better.  Then again, maybe they would care less.

I guess I am the one that will have to make the decision, as tough as it will be, I just can't sit by and wait on other people. I just don't want to wait around for other people to make me feel better.  I am a good and kind woman, a woman who believes in love, helping and honesty.  I just want the same thing in return.

Flip Flops and Butterflies

I just read an old post of mine which I wrote about a month before I met you, someone who actually gives me flip flops in my belly and butterfly feelings.  I am glad I waited, even though there have been a lot of highs and lows, the feelings I have felt have been worth it. I love how I giggle when I think about you, I adore how people can see how I feel when I talk about you, I want to do anything I can for you, whatever it is to make you smile and to make you happy.

Lately helping you makes me happy, I have found that I love cooking when I was sure I just didn't.  I am grateful that I was wrong and I have tried so many things that I never would have attempted and realized I am a pretty darn good cook. I am looking forward to coming up with new ideas for making new dishes.

I have to thank you, you got me out of the funky mood I was in... I was at a fork in the road in my life when I was sure I would never feel anything ever again for anyone. And even if this does not turn out to last a lifetime, it was exactly what I needed in my life at this time. If I had not met you, I may not have continued to believe that I deserved to feel flip flops and butterflies, I might have settled for less and been very unhappy. Now I know that no matter what, I will be forever grateful that I know that I am worth it and that I deserve the best.  I deserve to be loved as we all do.

I knew the moment that I met you that you were different and special, it was in your eyes and overtime I was proven right. I am grateful that I didn't give up on you and walk away when it seemed unlikely I would have you in my life. It just goes to show you that life can change just like that and it changed for the good for me. 

Thank you for letting me be there for you, for letting me care about you, for making me smile daily and for helping me to remember how lucky and blessed I am.