Believing I'm Worthy

It's lovely to be so content, something I've always wanted, that I never seemed to be able to achieve! This makes me happy.

Once I actually received what I most desired, it was only then that I finally realized the truth I wish I had always known.
I am a kind, gentle, loving, thoughtful, sweet and very caring person. I deserve the best, I won't aim for anything less. I love myself, I am worthy of love. The true and lasting kind and I will have it. I know that I will have it because I finally believe it. Unfortunately it is not something women in their 20's and 30's believe about themselves.

I won't continue to look back with regret for the past as everything in my life brought me to this point in time. The point where I have what I want, I am content with my life, I am enjoying the peace. It's wonderful not to worry about what the future holds, not to be thinking can I make this feeling last and the answer is yes:)

I know this doesn't mean I won't have challenges in the future but I am looking at these differently. My next challenges will get me to my ultimate goal. The one where I end up getting to travel to Italy, Spain, Portugal and many other places. My next goal will have that ability.

This whole month has been amazing, my first grandson Jackson Lukka was born on July 18th at 6:52 am. He weighed 7 lbs and 15 ozs and was 20 inches long. He's beyond adorable. Also my youngest daughter graded into grade three French Immersion, she is so sweet and I'm so proud of her. I am very lucky to have such an easy going kind daughter.

I will have all that I've dreamed, it is all possible as long as I believe. I have asked, I have believed and I have received. <3

Quotes And Thoughts

I have been thinking about the quote that goes something like this, changing your outlook if you don't like the way your life is.  I can't remember it word for word and I have too many archived to find it, lol. I believe this to be true, my life is not all perfect but I am truly happy, that kind of happiness where you just feel gratitude, love, peaceful and calming. I smile so much, I can't help myself, All because I decided to change my outlook and it worked amazingly.

As everyone who actually knows me, knows that I am a quote alcoholic, I have them e-mailed to me, twittered to me, I love ones that make you ponder them.  I think about how much love I feel for everything from Valentina, Andrea, Paul, Jackson, family and friends to actually loving my job.  I am less afraid of work, I have always liked it but actually I am loving it, I am beyond friendly, I extend myself to the clients, it makes me a better team player.

I love my night time with Valentina, she talks about her day and she has so many stories, she is genuinely funny and I love how she giggles. My change has made me a more attentive mother, actually taking the time with her to help her unwind before she goes to sleep. Then she sleeps better and she wakes up in a good mood and then has a good day.  So, I am working on being more attentive at bedtime, since it is time I have to spend with her, helps her to have better days.

I miss interacting with my oldest more often but distance is sometimes hard to overcome, is she were here, I could just go to her place and check in but distance makes that very difficult. It doesn't stop me from loving her, praying for her and of course Paul and Jackson. I love the little family she has, I am proud of the young woman she has become.

Also, I am grateful and thankful for the opportunities I have had to give, whether it is talking to a friend you haven't spoken to in few years to sending out a quick e-mail or finding something to look forward to, so that when you reach that goal, you can enjoy it and than create another goal.  Making a goal to look forward to gives you something to reach for and then completely enjoy once you achieve it but then you always have to follow it up with something bigger so that you don't become bored.

Anyhow, quotes have helped me to gain the desire to make goals because many of them make me think and ponder and then actually change my thought pattern.  Then I even reached one of those goals, I am ecstatic.  However; I have already made another goal, one that is pretty big but I know I will attain it, it won't happen tomorrow but it will definitely happen.

Calm Anticipation

I am not even sure I want to write, I just felt like there was something I wanted to say. Usually I have a complete thought that I build on but today, I just felt like writing.

I am all jumpy inside, trying to calm myself down, I am loving all the energy I have today. When I wrote out my list of housework, normally I would be freaking out and overwhelmed with the list but today I feel different, I can't wait to get it all completed, it will be nice to have it accomplished. It has been so nice for me to be working on organizing myself, I feel calmer.

Work is going better, I made it to tier two and never ever would have believed that would happen but I did and I am actually doing well at it.  I can see me getting better and better each day, I am enjoying the challenges much more.  I am looking forward to learning more each day.

My oldest Andrea is due to have her baby Jackson Lukka, This is both an exciting and scary time for her and Paul, They are going to be amazing parents since they are amazing people. I love them both and I love Jackson and he isn't even born yet but he's a part of them, so I love him.

Valentina is to doing great, she graded to grade 3 French Immersion, I am so proud of her, she will be bilingual and it will open so many more doors for her. So, no matter how tough it is, I am going to encourage her and get her tutors if needed to keep her there, I want the best for her, she is an amazing little girl who will be and amazing woman just like her sister.

Anyhow, I guess I did have things to say.  I feel like I am bursting inside with so much excitement, I can barely handle it.  So many good things on the way, life is good and only getting better.  I am glad that I never stopped believing that life would or could be better and sometimes we get what we want. It feels great to have my voice back, meaning saying what I feel and not being afraid.

I am a survivor and not a victim, I will not allow the past to define me, I am not my past.  People can change and be better, that is what life is all about, change. Well, time to get working, I want to have a little relax time tonight.