Each day that goes by draws me closer and closer to a decision I thought I would never make. I keep hoping against hope that something will turn it around. It's one of the biggest decisions I have ever made and will change my life in ways I am hoping I can handle.
I need to make some changes, or I will be in the same place I am in right now... who wants that? I don't! It's just that I have always been the biggest wuss about making decisions, I am always the one that never lets go. Something catastrophic has to happen for me to get to the point where I can finally move ahead. For some reason that I have not figured out about myself yet, I never control my own destiny... I allow other people and influences to direct my path.
I am realizing I do that because I do not trust my own instincts. So when I ultimately fail, it is then that I can say, well it wasn't my choice. That was because of a person or a circumstance, not because of me. That way I don't have to take on the truth... the truth that I always had the choice. I just never made it... I never made a choice in anything in my life.
I am going to talk to my David about it, get his opinion, I really respect what he has to say. He speaks the truth to me and he does it all without judging me. I know that is a very difficult thing to do, we are human after all. I don't know how he is with other people in his life but I am pretty sure he is that way with everyone.
I don't think I can make my choice final today, I am going to have to wait until I heal from my leg issue first. I need to be focused if I am ever to come through this process successfully. I also know it will be a very long process.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield
