Coming Through The Dark

I follow a wonderful blog 'The Daily Love' by Mastin Kipp. It seems that he always writes what I need to hear. Last night I wrote about how I feared the next step in my life as it means opening myself up to everyone and possibly being ridiculed and judged.  Mastin's blog today was, 'Could the darkest moments in our lives be a huge gift?' Being raped by Andrey was a dark moment but it wasn't my darkest moments. The darkest moments were how I dealt with the rape. I went inward, I did a lot of things that most people wouldn't understand, people would judge me.

Unless you have been raped or demeaned for many years as I was, you could never understand how much a woman hates herself, thinking that she must have done something to deserve it.  It's not true though, I didn't do anything to deserve it, I had only allowed myself to believe I was not enough. When a person hates their selves they do anything and everything to feel better inside, at least that's what we think we are doing. Instead we are doing things that hurt us more and make us feel even more unworthy. We come to a point of not caring and just getting in deeper.

It's not until you find something or someone in your life that shows you the truth you've tried so hard to find.  My truth came when David came back into my life and he told me often that I was incredibly wonderful. Even when he knew everything I've done to 'try' to make it better. Instead of judging me and turning away, he understood why I did what I did.  He didn't say it was right but he didn't judge, he just loved me and reminded me often that I'm not my past, I'm better than that. He's right, once I saw that, I changed my life around by a full 180 degrees and I did it quickly.

David would and has said to me many times that he didn't do anything to get me to where I am today. He's wrong though I needed him to show me the way, although I had many people in my life attempting to show this to me, it was not until he came along that I really believed.

My darkest moments of how I dealt with the rape is actually my greatest gift. I know that I must write of what I did in the future so that it can help other women who are feeling what I've felt. I hope and pray I'm strong enough. I am so blessed in my life and I'm incredibly grateful for all the lessons I've learned, even the dark ones. Without these lessons I could not be as empathetic or compassionate as I am. I have learned not to judge other people because of what I've gone through.

It's sad that I had to learn the lesson the hard way but I did learn it and I pray other people will learn an easier way, maybe from hearing my story. We are beautiful, strong and loving people; we deserve the best and we should never judge people on their pasts.  We should only see their divine potential and help them find it in themselves.


  1. Launna,
    I did not know this true story, you're a warrior, a woman much more than special. I had to learn to love life, after attempting suicide 3 x. But thankfully we have learned in time. kisses

  2. Thank you Jaqueline, my blog is real and it is about how I have overcome so many things. I am sorry to hear that you attempted suicide 3 times but so grateful you didn't succeed, you have so much to offer the world.

    1. Yes, Launna. Like you, I also have much to offer the world and especially to my two sons to take care alone, for 8 years.;))

    2. I feel what you are saying Jaqueline, I know about being alone and continuing to be strong for my children

  3. Hello from France
    I am very happy to welcome you!
    Your blog is accepted in the CANADA section in a minute!

    On the right side with the books of green! You will find the country with the names of blogs by Country
    The creation of this new blog "directory", allow a rapprochement between different countries, knowledge of different cultures and share us different passions, fashion, paintings, crafts, cooking, photography, poetry and so be able to find in different countries in other people with similar passions.
    We are fortunate to be on the Blogspot platform that offers the opportunity to speak to the world.
    The more people and more opportunities that will, yes, I confess, I need people to know this blog!
    You are in some way the Ambassador of this blog and your Country.
    This is not a personal blog, I create for all to enjoy
    It is you also have to make known after your contacts and friends in your blog domain, the success of this blog, depends all Participants.
    So during your next comments with your friends ask them to come in the 'Directory' by joining in joining in our comments:
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    1. Thank you for the invite, I have already followed the blog directory and I will figure out how to put my badge on my page :)

  4. You deserve the best and you deserve every happiness. Wishing you these things.

  5. Thank you Launna, for being this open to world, showing people hating themselves is not the way out. I had a very important person in my life and coulnt make her believe I wouldn't judge her, and couldn't help her change the way she sees herself. I'm so glad you have found your soulmate and found the way out of that darkness. May life bring you all the brightness you and your family deserve for the rest of your life.

  6. Thank you GNN, I appreciate that a lot more than you would know :)

  7. *hugs* I'm sorry that you went through such a traumatic experience. I think you're on the right path though, and looking at things in a very positive perspective.

    I've had some difficult times myself, and I too feel that in a way the experiences are a gift, so that I can learn to be more empathetic and caring to others. <3

  8. Awe Sasha, thank you... I really appreciate your kind and sweet words:)

  9. What an example of strength and courage you are to the rest of us. Thank you for the courage to relate your experiences and the painful lessons learned. You will be of great benefit to anyone who reads your story. Thank you for your kindness and selflessness!

    1. Thank you for you wonderful comment Diane, I am really hoping I can help someone from my life stories :)


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