I am more peaceful with myself than I have been for a long time, I let something go, something I really wanted and I left it up to fate. I have to accept the way it turns out, whether is exactly what I want or the complete opposite. For the sake of my emotions, I had to give in and let it just be.
That doesn't mean that I will stop wanting what I want, I will just accept what the future holds and live for the moment. On a great note, I love cooking, I am so grateful that I have felt the spark and desire to cook again. It all came from wanting to help someone, so it helped me too. Hmm, nice reason to have had someone in your life, there to remind you how much you loved something so much.
On another note, Valentina really is enjoying all this snow, not enough snow can fall for her... she just loves it sooo much. She lives in the moment and awe of it, jumping and sliding through it. I am trying to find a little joy in it too. It's a bit more difficult but I am making the effort.
On a great note, I am thinking about picking up reading again, it has been so long. I used to read a couple of books a month but lately with working and Valentina and travelling. I have found it difficult to find time but I have decided to spend much less time on line. I want to get lost in a really good mystery or thriller with a great twist for the ending, which of course I will read first, lol.
I am just happy today, really happy. I had a good day at work, I had a ham cooked and scalloped potatoes too. So no cooking over the weekend, it's done. I got to visit a special friend and I got to tuck Valentina into bed. Most of all, I made a decision and I am at peace with it. I am still hoping for what I dream but hey a girl can dream can't she ;)
What Should I Do?
The last few days have been busy crazy because of all the snow we have had and being over at a hotel so I could be guaranteed to be at work the next day. I totally missed Valentina and all her cute chatter, she just lights my life up so much. I love after she has a bath and I get her all tucked into bed, all cosy and then I sit on her bed and we read a story together. I love that time, we get to talk about her day then too.
I've had a lot on my mind lately, I am weighing all my options and trying to figure out which way I want to proceed. I was so sure how I wanted to proceed before but now I just don't know, I am fearful of the roller coaster ride, although amazing and thrilling it can be, it always comes down, which causes me to come down and those times are getting harder and harder to deal with. I feel so strongly that when I am up it is incredible but when I am down it is very sad. I need to even my mood out.
I have to really decide which way I want to go, so I am going to take my time and really make a decision, then stick with it. I need to look after myself too, if I don't I won't be any good to anyone else, least of all me. I am starting to think about other things, getting back to eating properly, exercising and sleeping better.
On a fantastic note, I think it okay for me blog this as it's not Facebook and not everyone will read this, my older daughter is due to have a baby, due date is July 16, 2011, I believe. I have known for a couple of months and I couldn't say a thing. Anyone that knows me, knows that was so difficult for me, I can keep any ones secret but when it is this exciting, knowing I can finally write about it, I thought I might burst holding it in :)
I've had a lot on my mind lately, I am weighing all my options and trying to figure out which way I want to proceed. I was so sure how I wanted to proceed before but now I just don't know, I am fearful of the roller coaster ride, although amazing and thrilling it can be, it always comes down, which causes me to come down and those times are getting harder and harder to deal with. I feel so strongly that when I am up it is incredible but when I am down it is very sad. I need to even my mood out.
I have to really decide which way I want to go, so I am going to take my time and really make a decision, then stick with it. I need to look after myself too, if I don't I won't be any good to anyone else, least of all me. I am starting to think about other things, getting back to eating properly, exercising and sleeping better.
On a fantastic note, I think it okay for me blog this as it's not Facebook and not everyone will read this, my older daughter is due to have a baby, due date is July 16, 2011, I believe. I have known for a couple of months and I couldn't say a thing. Anyone that knows me, knows that was so difficult for me, I can keep any ones secret but when it is this exciting, knowing I can finally write about it, I thought I might burst holding it in :)
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