Perfection Is A Myth

I have been stretching myself a little bit thin lately, I really need to organize my time better and not waste so much of it.  With the cleanse I just did, I also started my CPA course, that is really time consuming; especially being a single working mother. Something always has to give.  Usually the housework, I actually had the day off today and I walked Valentina to school, which she loved and I got to exercise.  Then I did my chapter two course answers which took about 2 hours of my day, then I went to the dentist... my teeth are in wonderful shape.. yeah.  I also did 2 loads of laundry, completely; I actually folded and put away all my laundry (I rarely ever do that) I also washed all the dishes and put them away.

Now I have to work on chapter 3 for my CPA course tonight because I have another huge assignment due either the day David comes back or right after that. Of course when David gets home, I will want to talk to him and I don't want to be worrying about an assignment.  Also Valentina's birthday is on the 15th and I need to organize a little party for her 9th birthday. Plus it is David's birthday and I am making everything for that, which has to be completed this weekend so I can mail it to him, so that it will arrive in time for his special day. I am not all that creative, let me clarify that I get great ideas, I just have trouble bringing them to fruition.  When it comes to writing I don't have an issue, I already wrote something special for him, it is just the rest of the gift that is going to take a little of my time.

So, instead of working on everything I need to work on, I am sitting and blogging, it's something I am capable of doing and something I am comfortable with.  Time to stretch myself out of my comfort zone and work on my creative side so I can complete David's present. I am just so self critical of my work that I create with my own hands. Although I am completely sure that David will love what ever I make him and he will cherish it because I made it for him.

This quote that I read today made me think of David immediately ~ "If I know what love is, it is because of you." ~ Herman Hesse.  I really came to know what love was this last year with him loving me regardless of my quirkiness and crazy past.  He made me feel incredibly safe, I wish everyone was able to find that with someone.  Feeling safe with someone is near impossible to find, I know and I will always cherish him.  I also read this quote and was very moved ~ Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.

Earlier today I read a blog that reminded me that I do not have to have people approve of me, I have to be self approved.  I don't have to be perfect, I just have to be working on myself to be the best me that I can be.  Sometimes we can be harder on ourselves than other people ever thought of being on us.  We really expect too much from ourselves in the way of perfection.  I don't expect other people to be perfect, why do I expect it from myself?  I then read the following quote that I completely agree with and I think it so beautiful:  "You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." ~ Sam Keen 

We Are Brilliant

 












You are Brilliant! Do you know that? Even on bad hair days, you are Brilliant! ~ Jo Lena Johnson

For anyone who does not truly know me, I'm a quote aholic. The one above touched me this morning. I really believe we are brilliant and if we are not living up to our brilliance we can change that. If you don't feel that you are as amazing as you are it's only because you have fear, fear that you really are all that you know you are.

Fear is what keeps us from being all that we can be. I know this because I lived in fear for years and I had every excuse in the book. When I took on the 30 day cleanse I was sure I couldn't do it, my fears kept telling me 'you can't do this, you've tried before, you've failed'.  Hmmm, that was true but I wanted a different outcome, David believed in me, he was positive I could do this, I decided to really try, give it my all.

Guess what I proved my fear wrong, I was stronger than my fear. David was right, he gave me back my belief in myself. I always had it, I had buried it, he showed me how to dig it up and use my strength to make it through. I no longer think of it as a challenge, I know it to be a way of life.

Eating healthy was one of my worst challenges, now I choose healthy food over junk food. Not that I'm not weak sometimes but it's never going to be in excess, nor will it be a daily breakdown. I truly believe I'm strong enough to overcome my bad eating habits.

Exercising was another, I was always saying, I don't have time. Really??? I waited for buses 15 minutes at a time, now I walk for the 15 minutes; which I've now turned into 30 minutes. There are always solutions, we just have to think outside the box. Once I've been doing this for the next 6 months, I can then incorporate the gym in the winter.

My attitude determines my actions. I will win this challenge as I know it's more than possible. David hasn't seen me since January 3, 2012; we are going to Skype when he gets home in less then 2 weeks. I've lost 40 pounds since February 9th, 2012. I'm hoping to lose another 5 pounds with the exercise. I want to shock him; not sure that's possible though, he'll just smile and say, "I always knew you could do it".  He's right, he just unleashed the strong woman I tried to hide.