Love Wins, Love Always Wins

I have been very busy these days, with keeping the house clean, working and getting Valentina ready for school. Every time I have sat down to write, I would create half a post and then think I'll come back and finish it... however; once I find time to write again, I find my thoughts on the post gone. So I start another one... Three times so far... and it isn't that I haven't wanted to write, it has been more that my thoughts are all over the place.

I think it is because I have been watching too much news, something I had basically given up for many years due to the negativity I feel when I watched it... who needs that? Yet, there have been some very important things going on in the world lately, some of which I believe we need to be well informed on. I won't be giving my opinion on anything one way or the other but I will say this... I often have to pull back and watch a funny show like The Big Bang Theory or an old episode of FRIENDS.  We all need a little laugh from time to time so that the negativity doesn't sink in.

I often think of the uplifting quotes from Martin Luther King... I totally agree with what he said above, I will stick with love, hate is too much of a burden. I think too many of us hold on to hate for much too long. We think if we let go of hate, we are saying what happened to make us hate something is okay. It's not saying that at all, I think by holding onto hate that we breed more hate, I don't want that in my life, I want love.

For myself, I think about how my ex step mother Ruth used the excuse that my father cheated on her to abuse my sisters and me ... she held onto hate... I got to a point in my life at the age of 15 where I knew in my heart that hating her would only hurt me... I moved on and forgave her. My life could have gone one way by holding onto hate but thankfully I chose the other path. It was the best choice I made at such a young age... you would think that it would have been easy for me to choose love over hate.

It wasn't as I'm human... I could have hated Andrey for raping me but I found a way to forgive him and move forward, I didn't want to hold that feeling with me for the rest of my life, it was destroying me inside. Once I stopped hating him I was able to deal with the pain and move forward... Another good choice I made as the road I was on lead nowhere but to darkness. I saw so many good things that came from choosing loving myself over hating someone because I feel that's what choosing love over hate is...

I find what's going on in this this world today, there is so much hate out there which makes me believe even more that we need to choose love ... and yes it is a choice, at least is for me. Each time I have 'chosen' love... I have seen more love grow in my life. I honestly hope that others will look within themselves and see that choosing hate won't change anything for the good... choosing love is the only way... The truth is that love wins, love always wins....

 

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Self Care Is Self Love

I have been putting off blogging all weekend, not because I didn't want to write but because I was trying to get my words out to say what I wanted to say... I have been overwhelmed with blogging lately and not by writing as I only write once a week at the most, it is all I have time for... but because I feel this need to constantly keep up with everyone else's blog, even at the expense of me writing my own. I even wondered if I should stop writing? Yet, I know that writing is what helps me to figure out issues in my life. While I was thinking about it, I came to admit to myself that I am a people pleaser... 

I thought I was past that, I thought I had grown from that.... However; a few of the comments I receive and I stress a few of them are not genuine, they haven't read my entry, they just write a generic comment so that I will visit their blog and comment back....which I have been doing, now saying all this, I love comments, honest, real and open ones where I get to know the person. I have decided that if someone is not taking a moment to actually read the words I write, I won't be publishing the comments any longer. I honestly don't want to waste my time when I could be reading someones words who appreciate that I actually took the time to write. 

I have decided that I have to give myself a break and I will not be able to comment on every single blog I read, it's not realistic for me anymore as I follow an incredible amount of blogs, even I don't know how many... I read a blog this week that kind of opened my eyes, she was pretty honest about her addictions and it made me think about mine... I am always trying to be the perfect blogger, keeping up with everyone, not wanting to let anyone down... Instead, I am letting myself down, I talk about self care here all the time and basically they have just become words, I haven't been practicing. 

This is no ones fault but mine, I need to set boundaries for myself and know that the people that I follow, the ones who really care about me will be there, frankly those are the only people that matter to me in the blogging world. Of course I want my blog to grow in readership but if I rarely write how will it grow more?  ... I am not giving up reading or commenting but I am going to be taking time for myself to read a book, actually visit a friend without my phone turned on... play some board games with Valentina.. 

I have this bucket list of things I want to do and more often then not I sit in front of a computer or with my phone in my hand. That quote above says it all, we are connected to people all over the world through technology and it is awesome, I love it, at the same time though, I find I am not as connected to the people around me. If that makes any sense? I make time for blogging and I don't make time to do other things that entail my making an effort in my own life. You know what that is, that is ignoring the issues I have and covering it up with blogging because it's easier. 

This weekend showed me that I have let everything around me go... on Saturday I didn't even get dressed until I caught up reading, then it was almost five o'clock before I went to get groceries... I followed that with laundry until midnight... oh and in between I commented and read blogs. That is an addiction I use so that I can let everything else slide in my life. Today, I figured out why... if I don't have time to think, I don't have deal with my feelings... I have to deal with my feelings and I need to let go of trying to be the perfect blogger... that doesn't exist. . . Self care is self love....

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Soaring Above My Past With Forgiveness

 

The New Year always brings reflection, hope, change...  I was reading an article the other day and I saw the above quote, I have seen it many times before but it resonated with me in a way it never had before. I have talked about how important it is to forgive others, I can honestly say I have forgiven many people for the hurt and pain they inflicted on me or others I love... Yet there is one person that I have not forgiven until now, she has done more damage in my life than anyone I know, she has caused me a great deal of sadness and she continues to watch me, I know this as she accidentally follows my pages on social media. 

 

I continued to react to her for the last couple of years, until recently I decided that honestly she isn't worth any reaction, thought or feeling. It is not my place to judge her for what she does and doesn't deserve, it's my place to forgive her and move on. She has taken up too much time and energy in my mind for the past couple of years, I realized she was getting the drama she craved, I will no longer waste another moment of my time thinking about her.  She is nothing to me... for 2016 I am forgiving her and moving on... I suggest she does the same but that will be her decision. 

Saying all this, I took some time to think about that quote and how I needed to stop wishing the past was any different... I know that I had held on to that hope way too long, so long that it just depressed me. Just because something didn't work out the way it should have doesn't mean that it shouldn't have, it just means we all have our free agency and we just have to move on from decisions good or bad. Besides, the choices we all make have consequences, that is how life works. I don't want to be the girl who draws negative energy or drama, I am not that girl, nor do I ever want to be. 

I want this to be the year that I soar, the year I make positive changes that take me in a direction that will bring me joy. I have a couple of ideas in mind to get me there, this was the first thing I needed to do, until I REALLY forgive her and move on, I will never get to the next level... and I WANT to get to the next level, I deserve that and honestly so does she but that will be her choice. I am going to stop wishing the past could have been different, it isn't and no amount of wishing will change it....

One day, I will have the answers to my questions but today I am putting them away and moving on and learning the art of letting go... I have talked about it in the past, even thought I was ready to do it, thought being the operative word... today I am ready... I want to feel that power of freedom, it's a gift I want to give myself... I know I am ready because it is a gift I want to give her too... I hope she accepts it. 

I don't make resolutions in the New Year, I am of the mind that when I find something I want to change, I do it then... specific dates never work for me, I just have to do it... I alone hold myself back, it is a hard pill to swallow when I admit the truth, no one holds me back but me... Life is an ever learning process, sometimes incredibly hard but the truth is without those difficult challenges, we would never be able to become our best selves... I want the hard edges sanded off to soften me even if it's painful... because that is where I will soar.

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Peace Within Chaos

I have been in a reflective mood this week... thinking about how I just want to attain some peace in my life because I was thinking for me, without peace my life is out of balance... and life without balance is chaos.

I then started looking up quotes about peace and how to attain it... I love quotes that make me feel... that is most of what I collect on my Pinterest boards. I found the quote above that resonated with me... at the same time I understood where the chaos was coming from and the importance of having chaos; but with it I also think I can have peace.  I don't want to have peace where I never get challenged to be more of who I am meant to be, for that is not a life worth living.

The question wasn't how to rid myself of chaos, it became how to have peace in the chaos. This is where I think growth really happens, especially for me... when everything seems calm and I am going along without any bumps is when I am not growing... I am just being. For me, that is not enough... I need to be continually challenging myself and that is where the chaos comes in... it challenges me to think outside of the box I am in at any given moment...

The quote below made me realize that although chaos disturbs me, it also moves me to change. With this I came to an understanding of why I had to have the chaos I had before Christmas as it was what helped me to change my life around. Although this week I was floundering around a bit, I knew that writing about it would help me to figure out what it is that I needed to get back on track.

For me to get back on track, I had to admit to myself that I cannot be in control all the time, I had to understand that giving up control doesn't mean I will fail... it means I need to trust the process and that if I try to be in control all the time, this is where I will fail and never progress... I was in a mindset this week that if I could be in control, I could have peace...

I like when a light bulb comes on with me... as I am sure most of us do... it can be tough being in the dark and wondering if I will ever see the light again... but of course we always do...  When I first started writing today I wanted to figure out how to live my life in peace without chaos but as I wrote I realized that isn't feasible with growth... for me, chaos is a necessity to achieve peace...

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Letting Go To Have The Life Waiting For Me

I know that many, if not all of you have heard the above quote at one time, in one form or another.  Today I heard this quote and it jolted me... I immediately went to the computer and pulled it up... The quotes and life lessons from Joseph Campbell are incredible and thought provoking.

One of the reasons I have had trouble moving on from 'him' was one, I love him with my whole heart and two, I feared what was out there for me.  I remember a woman in her 40's over twenty years ago that I knew who desperately wanted to be married. She finally met and married a man; however he looked like he was old enough to be her father.

I thought to myself at the time, wow... I don't want to get to my 40's being single and settling for a man who looked old enough to be my father... Then I heard that quote this morning and I was reminded that we all have a path we need to be on... That was her path and she was happy with her choice.

My path will lead to my hearts desires and it won't be some old guy who has no desire to live a little... I'm the girl that needs excitement and fun.  Also, just because I have let go of my past, it doesn't mean that it was wrong, it doesn't mean that it wasn't meant to be.  What it means is that I have to trust that some amazing man is looking out there... looking for someone as amazing as me.

If I don't know that I am amazing, how will any man know that.... my self esteem does not depend upon whether a man loves me or thinks I am amazing...  My self worth comes from within.... I do get a little defeated when I keep meeting men that have qualities that are so far removed from what I am desiring... but as my sister said to me this morning.. move on and say 'next'... and never settle.

I will never say it is easy moving on from a dream that you want and that you know would be wonderful... but I also know that not moving on is not an option for me.  If a man cannot see how wonderful and worthy I am, then it is his loss... truthfully it is his loss even more than mine.  I don't want to, nor will I settle for someone who would settle for so little in their life.

I don't believe in fairy tales  but I do believe in love... and deep down inside me that belief has held me together for the past eight months when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry non stop.  It was and is a rough road, however; I know I will rise above all of this one day and look back... I might even wonder why I almost settled for so much less then I deserved.

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I Am Worth An Hour And A Half Per Day, So Are You

 The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore. 

All day yesterday I felt the need to get out and exercise... it seemed there was one thing after the other that came up to prevent me from actually getting out there... Finally just before nine pm, I pulled on my yoga pants, tank and sneakers, I set out to walk/jog a 5K...  The little app Map My Walk that I use tells me when I have walked a mile and how long it took, well last night it said in the low 16's which is really good for me, so it pushed me to walk faster and by the second mile I was still on track with being the low 16's... then I really picked up speed and sprinted off and on the rest of the way home.  I was so thrilled to make it home and see that I had beat my old time by four minutes, that is big for me.

I was really grateful that I didn't give up and say it was too hard to get out and take my walk last night, I really enjoyed it, it was cooler out and there were very few people out so I could just be free and sprint when I felt like it... Tonight when I went out, it was a little earlier but I wanted to be in bed at a much earlier time, anyhow... it was still sunny and warm... which made for a slower walk for me but I was grateful that I got out for this walk too... each one of these walks are just building blocks to make me stronger so that I will be ready when my 5K happens in October. 

I remember thinking, how am I ever going to run a 5K, I can barely walk a mile without wanting to stop and catch my breath???... Eight weeks ago I was so out of shape and I wondered what I had got myself into with joining the contest at work and now here I am, still a big girl but I am feeling amazing... I cannot believe how easy it was to change my life around in such a very short time.  I am loving the changes so much that I am really hoping we don't have a rough winter here this year, I want to continue to walk outside as much as I can... Even if we do have a lot of snow, I am going to find a way to incorporate exercise into my daily life...  I see how I miss it if I don't do a lot one day... I want to keep up with all the health benefits.

Also, I have been hearing some people say, that is great for you but I couldn't do that... they are right, they can't do it because they say they can't....  one of my favorite quotes of all times is 'Whether You Think You Can, Or Think You Can't, You're Right'...  I used to be one of those people, reading blogs of people that made time for fitness and thought, great for them, I couldn't do it.. Then I changed my mind and just got out there one day and started walking and never stopped... I am here to tell you that it is possible but YOU have to believe it, there is nothing I can say or anyone else for that matter... YOU have to believe it and just get out there, take the first step... will it be hard?  You bet it will be!!!  Does it get easier, a little but then I am continually pushing myself to be faster, go further so frankly it isn't easier for me and that is okay.

If you have thought about losing weight and getting healthy, open your front door tomorrow and go out for a walk, even if it is only a mile... it might only be a mile for the first little while but keep going, keep trying because eventually you will see yourself in a place you never thought possible and you will know that it really is up to you as I found out for myself... It was totally up to me, I had to make the time and really it is only an hour to an hour and a half per day... I am worth an hour and a half a day, so are you.  If you complain to me that you don't have time, I won't judge you, I will just let it go... I am not here to judge you or anyone else but if you make the effort, I will be your biggest cheerleader... I will root you on no matter where you are in the world.

Once the contest is over, the next thing I want to work on is strength training, I have long thought this was not my thing... however; with all the changes I have made in the past eight weeks, there is very little that I don't think I am capable of anymore. I know that when I put my mind to something, anything... I will be able to achieve it, it is only me who stops me... no one else.  I don't want to stop me anymore, I want to be my biggest cheerleader... I want to show myself I am stronger than I ever thought possible.

 

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Changing My Cants Into Cans

 The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore. 

I read this quote above about changing my cants into cans on someone's Facebook yesterday and it spoke to me...  The girl/woman that had it on her wall, used to be quite heavy and was in a very unhappy marriage... She gained the strength to leave her husband and then she changed her life by making the time to exercise and eat healthy... basically she loved herself enough to not stay in that situation.  She inspires me daily as I see how she keeps exercising to maintain her new weight... she also states that she will never be model skinny and she is quite happy with that but that girl is so healthy and fit.

I am grateful for all the strong women that I know, women that have risen above their situations to show me that I do not have to live with the past... I have surrounded myself with women who changed their circumstances and never looked back.  My absolute favorite thing about them is that not one of them says poor me, look what I have had to endure to get to where I am today... I know their stories well but that is not where they live... they live in the present... it is where I try to live everyday.

It's not like they just said, okay... that nasty, awful thing happened to me... I forgive the people who did it to me and I forgive myself for putting up with it... they had to go through some soul searching but they did not wallow in it... I love that strength they had and have... I came through some terrible things myself but that is not who I am anymore... I am making better choices for myself, I am living in the present and mainly I have forgiven the people that hurt me... I honestly forgive them and I feel for them... just how sad is their life that they had to hurt me to try to feel better.  I am hoping and praying always that those people move through their pain and forgive themselves and become the best person they can be... I think until I could do that, I could not move on... 

 

I have had numerous people ask me how I am so determined with this eating healthy and exercising... well... I changed my cants into cans and my dreams into plans.  I just started one day, instead of making an excuse to start another day, I got up and started that day.  Was it easy?  No way... it was hard...  my first walk was insane, I was blood red, so sweaty and hot... it was for a matter of 15-20 minutes.  I had to stop twice to catch my breath.  What did I do?  I got out and did it the next day ... was it simple the next day?  No... it was hard, each day was an effort and it continues to be an effort but I make it an effort now... I am not happy with just doing what I did the day before, I want it to be harder.

I want to push myself, I remember reading people's blogs like Joy's and Janice's and thinking WOW, how do these ladies do this, I could never do that... I am not that committed... well... I am now and if I am committed... then anyone can be... I want to do all those amazing things that they do and I will because I have made a choice to do them.  I am not going to sit here any longer and say I am 50, how can I do that?  Well, surprise, surprise... I am doing it.  When the contest at work is over the end of the month, The Biggest Loser should be starting their new season, I am going to join up on line with them and continue to get weighed in every Friday.

I have small goals, my first one is to lose the biggest percentage of weight and win the contest at work, the second is get to Christmas and hopefully be down an additional 30 pounds ... I am so looking forward to being in control of my weight and showing myself that all things are possible.  Then the next thing is to get to March and be in the 100's... a huge mile stone for me as I have not been there since I was in my early 20's.  The last one isn't even a weight, it is a size that I will be comfortable with and I have no idea what size that will be until I get there... Like I have said many, many times... I do NOT want to be skinny... I adore and love my curves and I plan to have them for my life.  I personally don't think skinny would look good on me.

I also know very well that this will always be a struggle for me and that I will have to watch what I eat by always counting calories and always exercising... I happen to think I am worth that work and I will never look back again.  I aim to show myself and others that no longer will I sit on the side lines and wonder why I cannot do what others do?  I can and I will... I have changed my cants to cans and my dreams to plans.... You can too...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Having The Faith To Change

First some good news, my leg is healing pretty good... my insurance company from work has approved for me to be off until April 3rd, they told me they wanted to make sure my leg was healed before heading back to work.  I am quite grateful to say the least, have I said how much I love the company I work for?  If not, I love the company I work for... I am able to have surgery and recuperate without any financial worry.  I am going to spend the next three weeks building up my strength, it is easy to lose your muscle while lying around healing. 

The quote above by Jeanette Winterson that states how we handle change, how change is natural... what I perceive from this quote is that we have to have faith that everything will work out as it should, since change is a constant in our lives... we need to learn how to deal with it and the best way is to just have faith.  I know for myself that when I come up against a change I am not sure I can handle, I tend to think about it too much instead of having a little faith that the change is necessary and good. 

The quote above is not always easy to follow but sometimes it is all we can do... have faith that we are strong enough or that we will be made strong enough to handle the challenges given to us.  Those challenges are there for us to make the choice if we want to become more of who we are meant to be or if we want to take the easy way out.  Although learning how to fly on the way down might be extremely tough, I would rather not take the easy way out or I may never learn to fly.

This year is a year of change for me, I am finally being healed... I am going to be able to start exercising soon, I am going to face my fear of heights this summer and I am learning to have faith in the changes that are happening.  I really had lost faith in myself in 2012, I was so wrapped up in my loss that I couldn't deal with anything else.  I understand that there are events in our lives that will bring us to our knees, test our faith and question all that we know... This was the time for me to have faith and know that one day the answers I searched for from my loss would be made known to me. I needed to stop wondering and give myself the permission to move on without the answers.

Having faith really does mean that I will have trust that what the future holds is exactly where I am meant to be.  I don't think any of this is easy but when I think of the alternative which is living with fear and chaos, I am realizing that having faith is a much better option... Also, I still have my hopes, wishes, dreams... we should never give up on our dreams but when they are not working out perfectly, sometimes shifting things another way will still lead us to our dreams.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Our Super Power

Every person has a super-human-power deep within them that can transmute fear into freedom, lack into lots and limitation into liberation. That Super Power is called GRATITUDE! ~ Brad Morris

I read this quote last week and I saved it away in my emails... I was going through my quotes today and saw it again.  It really made me think, especially since I am such an advocate of facing my fears so that I can have freedom and joy.  When I read this and thought about how gratitude can get us there,  ever since I have had my surgery, I have nothing but gratitude in my heart daily. 

I am grateful for the many wonderful meals that have been prepared for me in the past couple of weeks, for the people that have driven me to and from the hospital for appointments, for the people who came into my home and helped me do the laundry and dishes. For Cindy who is taking amazing care of my Valentina, for Valentina who prays for me nightly, for my friends who keep in contact with me by either calling, texting, facebook messages.... There have been endless blessings sent my way in more ways than I can count.

I am sure I cannot say thank you enough, I don't know if anyone knows how truly grateful I am and have been for all that people are doing for me.  So I can totally agree with the quote above, gratitude is mine and it is our super power.  We all have the ability to be grateful for something in our life, I know that there are things that get us down, things so dark and difficult that many of us could never understand.  We are given the challenges we can handle by having gratitude for the blessings we do have in our life.

The most important blessing in my life is my family and my very close friends... I feel gratitude for them everyday...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

There Is No Joy Without Experiencing Pain

I have been on a quote hunt today... I am always on the lookout for new ones that inspire me and really make me feel something.  This quote made me have a small a ha moment... I have been looking for the pain to be gone so I can move forward, what I should be doing is understanding that the pain may lessen but it will never be gone; I just have to move forward anyway.

I think many of us, especially me believes that if I feel pain I can never feel happiness again.  I will always hold a little of the sadness in my heart but that does not mean that I will never feel amazing joy again, I will.  I have had sparks of it in the past few weeks...

Pain is not always a bad thing, it teaches us lessons and strengthens us.  If we take the lesson and grow from it, that is good thing...  The lesson in all this is that I need to be grateful, even for the pain for it teaches me and protects me now and in the future. 

I wanted to give a little update to one of my posts 'A Jar Of Happy Memories', I have began to fill it when ever I have a happy time that I always want to remember; I wanted to share a few with you here today, as I think this is what is helping me to move forward and I can see that even though the pain is not completely gone, I can see where I am still able to feel happy.

My beginning list is that I had a really great Christmas with Valentina, I am talking to my oldest daughter Andrea again, I was able to talk to David on both Christmas day and New Year's, right at midnight.  What I see from these memories, none of them involve money, all of them involve people I am really close to and spending time with them, even if it is just on the phone...  I am going to save each of these memories as they truly make me happy.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

I Want Love, Nothing Less, Nothing More

"It's a beautiful thing when someone genuinely cares for you, for the person you are, not for what you can give them materialistically, or anything you can do for them to help them in any way, it's just because you are you, nothing more nothing less. ~ Patrick Hill

I read this quote and I was immediately touched by it, it spoke to my heart.   This is the kind of love I give to the person I care for, the type of love I've looked for all of my life....  it surely must exist, I've felt it for two people in my life.  More with my David than with Tony (Tony was my first love).

I have learned a hard lesson this past year.... it doesn't matter how much I love someone, it won't make them love me or themselves.  For a reason I will never understand, some people are afraid to be loved that much....  I am not afraid!!!

I know it can be scary to give your heart to another but I think it can be worth it if you just take a chance.  I've been working on convincing myself of this, this past year... although extremely painful... the memories are worth it.  I have some wonderful ones I would never trade. 

The past couple of days I have been highly emotional... I haven't been able to keep my emotions in check... the smallest thing can set me off.  I think I held myself back for the holidays, now that they have come and gone, I don't seem to have the will power to control them anymore. 

I was at work yesterday and I was commenting that I was excited about my new phone that had arrived and how pathetic it was that this lifted my spirits... I said I didn't have much to be happy about... another co-worker started telling me how I just have to be positive.

What a laugh, that's not true... I asked her to stop... please don't go on... she said but it's true.  I turned around and said, I don't feel that and if you continue on I will cry... I promptly cried.  She stopped, I know she felt I just needed to change my attitude.  I so wish that was true, I really used to believe that but lately I don't see that working.

My issue with this whole thing is that I know that real and honest love exists since I have felt it for two people in my life.... all I want is for someone to feel that way about me.  Why does love have to be so complicated?  I believe in being open and honest, why do other people not feel this is important? 

"Listen to your heart and follow it or it will find a million ways to remind you that there is something missing." ~Anon

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield 

The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

“The heart wants what it wants – or else it does not care.” — Emily Dickinson

This phrase above has been running through my mind half of this evening, so much so that I had to Google it... I know I saw it in a movie one time and it frustrates me that I couldn't remember.  Anyhow, when I looked it up on line, I could only find this one above and the one I remember was 'The heart wants what the heart wants' or the other suggestion was that Woody Allen said it and let me tell you, I didn't hear it in a movie of his as he is one director that I detest.  I am not a fan of his movies.

Anyhow, I digress, apparently quite easy for me, I can lose my train of thought just like that, it's from fatigue. So, this thought has been on my mind, it is amazing how our heart controls so much of our thoughts, I can make myself think of other things and then my heart takes over with heart thoughts.  It is there to remind me that even though I am trying to cut of feeling that my heart is always there to remind me that there is always something to feel. 

Just the little things like crunchy leaves in the Fall, crisp white snow in the winter, colorful flowers in the spring and clear blue skies in the summer.  When I let my heart take over, I go on a journey of love... I see beauty around me that is breath taking, I see love in the smallest of places.  It reminds me that I can have that, I just have to believe I deserve it.  The thing is we all do, we all deserve to have love in our lives.

The thing about my heart is that she lets me get out of control, I begin to love so strongly and powerfully and while it is an amazing feeling... there is nothing like that feeling from any other source.  It is also a far way to fall when you feel it slip away, as is always true, the heart wants what the heart wants, if she can't get that feeling again, nothing else will do.

I talked to someone the other day about opening myself back up to the opportunity for love... you know what I decided, if it happens that would be okay, if it doesn't I won't be devastated.  I am afraid of allowing it for only one reason because I know myself well, very well.  I am not one to hurt another person but if my heart could have what she wants, she would take the opportunity in a flash.  Nothing would hold me back, she's dedicated and loyal to what she wants.

My mind however; thinks it would be very unfair of me to enter into anything I could not commit my whole heart and soul to, that is why this quote was on my mind tonight.  If anyone reading this has any idea what movie this quote from, can you message me below, it will bug me for a long time, lol.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Love Can Heal Hate

I read this quote and instantly fell in love with it.  I am wondering how I missed it in the past?  I am sure other people have seen it before.  Makes me question where I've been, lol.  Oh well, I've read it finally and I think it is one amazingly true quote. I'm in awe of Martin Luther King Jr,  he was one amazing man

I'm going to see if I  can find it on line so that I can pin it on Pinterest and I also want to put it on my vision board.  I have an online vision board that I love but I always have to rely on other people to fix it. I have a cork board and I am making one to go on my wall in the living room.  I'm going to get a smaller one for my bedroom too.

Once I've made them, I'm taking pictures for my blog. I'm kind of excited; I can finally put exactly what I want on it not what other people think I should have there. I'm really grateful for my daughter Andrea who made my beautiful board in the past but I do need to change it up.

Martin Luther King Jr. is so right, the only way that we can overcome darkness is to bring light into it. Everyone wants to know why Heavenly Father doesn't stop people from suffering? Because, that would be taking away our free agency.  We are the ones who need to stand up for each other. We cannot expect God to fix everything for us.

We need to love each other and we most definitely need to stop judging each other.  Not one of is perfect on this earth.   When we judge we show how  illiterate we are, or how much we think it's okay when it is NOT okay. I really wish we remembered that love is the way and what will bring us the most happiness.

People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield