Light Will Shine Through The Dark

Monday was a rough day for many people after we learned that Robin Williams had not only died but he had taken his own life. Most of what I read was very respectful and emotional. I know from reading that there were people that thought he was selfish, I don't think that he was, I think he was in a lot of pain. I have been in that kind of pain... it's a sad place to be in. For me I am grateful I have a strong foundation that no matter how bad it gets, I know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Not everyone knows that, not everyone can hold on until it shows up.

I know that this last challenge for me was harder than anything I have ever dealt with, for nine long months I held on because I knew somewhere along the line a light would show up and things would get better. It was probably the longest nine months of my life, each day I had to convince myself that life would get better, I would smile again and I would find joy. I never lost hope, there were days that it was incredibly hard but thankfully I did hold on and like it always does, the light showed up, I smile again and I feel joy.

I know I don't ever want to experience that pain again but I found out I was stronger than I ever believed. I wish other people that are suffering with depression find something that helps them to believe things will get better. Nothing is perfect, I still have a day here and there... the good thing now is that even a bad day has a light. I'm trying to write it all down so that when another rough patch comes, I can come back here and be reminded that life always gets better.

I always feel sad when someone is not able to hold on... I hope they are finally free on the other side. Nobody knows the pain others have had to deal with ... I wish people could be less judgmental and more understanding that a depressed person cannot just get over it and move on, sometimes it takes counseling and even medication. What's truly needed though is compassion ... I think we all could show a little more love towards one another, there would be more people holding on if we did...

I also came away with a great deal of gratitude that I had the tenacity to hold on and that I continued to believe that no matter how bad it was and it was heart wrenching pain... I made it through. I would like to think that with each challenge I have overcome, that I would be that much stronger to handle the next ones that may come along. Also, I have been sleeping for about a 5 hour stretch at a time, for the last 3 days, with the sleeping the dreams have followed...

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I'm In The Zone‏

The other night I read a blog that inspired me... she was talking about missing that feeling of being in the zone with food and exercise. I empathized with her as I have not been in the zone for quite some time.  She then hoped she would find it soon... I told her we both could get it back since we both knew the feeling.

This being out of the zone thought wouldn't leave me though... The more that I thought of it, the more I knew that it was within me to be in the zone... 'I' had stepped outside and allowed one excuse after another for my food and my exercise choices. What makes me happy about all of this is that the life change I made is just that a life change... All I have to do is change.

I've been on my own this week... with that I have taken the time to clean out some cupboards and drawers... it's been wonderful purging. Then tonight I read about how we needed to make our goals known. So, I'm going to make a short list here. I've always known this is true but it's always good to be reminded when I seem to have forgot.

I have already stopped the excuses about food... I'm going to be planning my weekly meals out so that I will be set up for success.

I have found three people I can walk with, we just have to work out schedules... I walked for almost an hour with one girl last night. My neighbor has a dog I can take for good long walks. She will be my nightly companion when I have to walk on my own. I was able to get out with another person tonight, they really challenged me, I will have to walk with them more often.

Completing my courses.. on the way to starting that soon. Define a plan for my career with my company or possibly going outside the box.

My chapters for my book have been written, I need to organize them and proof read. I know how to put a sentence together... I just like writing the way I talk with family and friends. Which I know is not proper for a book. This probably won't happen until the new year, due to my courses.

I have other goals I'm going to leave for another post... I just feel wonderful being in the zone again.

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