A Promise Is Sweet But A Commitment Is Love

I can finally sit down and write, this past week has been incredibly busy and draining. Work is work, I have so little to say about it, it has changed and not for the good but I go there every day so that I can collect a pay check... not a fun reason but a needed one for now. Then I came home one night after a two hour trip on the bus as we had our first snowfall this year, it usually takes me about ninety minutes... I sat down to unwind and when I looked down, I saw a flea.

I freaked out as this is disconcerting to me, my poor sweet kitty is an indoor cat and I do not have carpet here, I called the vet, found I would have to de-flea my whole house which is what I did all day today. I washed everything... sixteen loads of laundry. Vacuumed, swept and mopped... then sprayed. I am literally exhausted but all I could think about all day was sitting down and writing as I have had a great deal on my mind.

First, I want to tell you, I am still walking whenever it is possible and luckily for me the weather has been good enough if a bit cold... however; I find the minute I get walking, I warm up really quick and actually sweat easily... the cold air cools me down quickly. So, for the most part I am actually enjoying walking in the cold, other than a few patches of ice here and there, I have to be super careful.
I am also working on other aspects of my life, one of them is not numbing myself when the pain becomes unbearable, which is does on many occasions throughout the day. I am not sleeping many hours again which is driving me a bit crazy. I cannot think about going through another nine months of basically napping, however; I cannot numb myself just so I can sleep. I spent the better part of the last six to eight months doing whatever I could so that I did not have to feel; just so that I could sleep.

That didn't get me anywhere, I am still having to deal with the same issues... I just prolonged it by putting it away, thinking it would just go away eventually... of course it never just goes away, it is always there beneath the surface, begging to be dealt with. On Christmas day I had some shocking news that put me into a tail spin and I didn't talk about it with anyone. Then I reached out to a very good friend who I have come to know in Australia, we chat back and forth via Twitter almost daily. I talked about it and cried a lot... she helped me to see that things are not always what they seem.


The incident on Christmas day made me see that I could no longer keep on the way I was going, with numbing my feelings, I also numbed my desire to be better... So, that is when I made the decision to get back on track, start eating healthy, start exercising and really give myself a chance to make the changes I needed to make. Were any of them easy? No! Does it get easier with time? Not yet but I have hope that it will. Regardless of whether it gets easier, I am on this path for good now, no amount of numbing helped me, I think it's time to deal with it head on.
So, saying all this, I wanted to tell you about an 'aha' moment I had today. I was thinking about where I was in my life and where I might have been (I know, don't look back ... but I am one of those people who knows it helps me to see how far I have come)... I remember thinking a few years ago that my life was coming together and finally everything would be settled but that wasn't true... I now know this because I can see things that I was not able to see before... I might have a long and emotional road to travel and I might be alone doing it... however; I would not have been able to deal with the road I may have taken as it was just a road of promises without commitment... and that is just not me, I want the whole thing and nothing less will be good enough. I am not some women, I won't settle.
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86 comments :

  1. Hello Launna,

    Far better to pursue your own individual path through life rather than be in shallow company. You are right not to settle for anything else than a full commitment in a partner. And, it is so good that you now realise this situation and are more settled in yourself because of it.

    Of course, there is still the pain, the longing, the emptiness. But, far better to feel than to have no emotion at all. The right person will come along and you will be in a better place to respond. That is for sure.

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  2. Dear Launna, it sounds like you're having a very tough time right now. There's so much going on for your right now and I know how it feels to be completely worn out by it all. Work is a huge deal in making us happy or not. I sure hope that you'll either find something that you love or that the situation improves. Fleas suck! I got flea bites from our outdoor kitty, but once we treated him they were all gone. It's annoying though. And one really doesn't need to find those after a long day.
    Oh Launna, how much I wish I could give you a very long, big, understanding hug. You amaze me constantly by how you are willing to work on yourself and to not give up. You are amazing! And so wonderful. And it's also amazing how much you share of yourself here, you inspire others more than you know. I'm so happy to know you have a friend who was there for you when you needed to talk! Keep walking, and we're all here for you. You will find what you're looking for!

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  3. Hi Launna! No one should settle for anything less than the perfect relationship! Those who say that it doesn't exist are either pessimistic or just haven't experienced it yet. It's better to be single than to be with someone he isn't 100% in.

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  4. I could repost this on my blog and it will sound like me writing this. I echo your thoughts Launna. Don't settle for less. :)

    Happy weekend!

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  5. You are wonderful Launna! i really love the last words of your Letter <3

    Have a good Sunday ,lots of Hugs!

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  6. I love to read your letters, it gives me some motivation and positive energy for my own decisions so thank you Launna :) <3

    See you xx

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  7. I wish you a wonderful evening dear Lauanna :)
    flò

    http://lafloppola.blogspot.it

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  8. Settling for less is never a good choice. I am sorry if I haven't commented I have been in bed with the stomach flu and now just catching up.
    xoxo
    Beautetude

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  9. Never settle. I actually have my own quote on that. I have a graphic of it that I made. I'll e-mail it to you so you can read it. Sorry you had a blow on Christmas day but I'm glad you've turned it around for something good.

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  10. Hey Dear,
    I am proud of you- knowing that even with miserable pain in your heart; you dared to not give up and you are aiming at a new life for you. The new 'you' has already started to be seen and known- just a little more- some more serious dedicated effort; and the reflections of a new life, new you will be seen and felt.
    Please don't give up!
    You know what; I never leave looking back and remembering my past. Most of the time it hurts; but the very next moment; I realize and feel proud of myself- knowing that I was able to make it this far successfully, and I will not stop here!
    So wishing you great new and beautiful life, always!!
    Lovely deep words as always!
    Love and Kisses

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  11. A flea? Don´t worry I think it´s from the bs drive! I can imagine how much work it was to clean everything!!

    You are so strong! All the work you are doing now will pay out when its getting warmer! You will be in such a good shape for much longer walks so that you feel good enough to loose more wait when its spring again finally :) I so happy to see that even the cold temperatures wont stop you!

    Oh sweetheart! After all you went through its important to have at least one person you can be honest to! Never hide you feelings from the rest of the world. Sometimes you have to let your emotions out!

    I know that its really not good to have not enough sleep!!! Really try to find a way to get enough sleep!!

    Many Greetings from over the sea
    Martin

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  12. my dear, you deserve better... always know that. thanks for sharing.I AM FOLLOWING, PLEASE FOLLOW BACK. http://melodyjacob1.blogspot.com/

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  13. fleas???? haha that is awful girl! but I've been there! not a fun experience! I hope all your hard work was a success and now your house is a flea-free home. I love how you look at your life and things that are working and not working and always find a way to be better and fix the things that are not working! you should know that not that many people is able to do that so you should be very proud of yourself :)
    XOXO

    Milu
    www.hellolupi.com

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  14. Don't settle for less Launna. I always wish the best for you in life. :)
    God bless!

    xoxo, rae
    http://www.raellarina.net/

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  15. Sad to hear about the shocking news you had. Hope you can reconcile with it and sleep better soon. Wish you the best!

    http://everythingthatclicks.blogspot.com

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  16. Launna, don't settle for less. Sending you a hug.

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  17. I think looking back is okay sometimes - it gives us perspective! I'm sorry that you have had difficult news and a hard time lately. From my perspective you seem like a strong woman who won't accept anything but success! Everything you are doing now is paving the way for a wonderful future!

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  18. <3

    I love our twitter chats. I'm sorry I never respond soon enough due to time differences. You have been there for me countless times, I can only hope to return the favor when you need a shoulder to cry on. I will continue to be there for you Launna, whenever you need. I'll be there to motivate you and help you stay strong while reminding you how incredible you are not just as a human being but also as a women. Good things are most certainly coming to you, keep your eyes open and your heart ready.

    BTW, promises can be broken...

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  19. stay strong sweety! after the rain comes always the sun!
    <3

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  20. Hi Launna... I so relate to ur posts as my life has nt bn so great in the past 2.5 years.. i am more sensitive & vulnerable & i also feel i took all wrong decisions in my life.. I learnt that u hv to fight it alone & i am trying to fight my biggest weakness of procastination.. Just like you i just want things to get better as it gets frustrating for me too.. hope u have a great week ahead xoxo

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  21. Don't settle for less Launna, you deserve better!
    Stay strong Launna!
    Have a great start of the week!
    Kisses, Paola.

    Expressyourself

    My Facebook

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  22. Hi Launna. I am sorry to hear that things haven't been going well at work. It's no fun not to like your job. I hope it improves son or a better opportunity comes along. Also I am sorry to hear about the fleas. I hope they do not make a return! This time is but a mere speed-bump - the best is yet to come for you :)

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  23. Poor Luanna, seems you had very hard times! But don't worry, definitely sooner or later everything gonna be all right!
    And you'll became a better person, stronger and kinder! So stay strong and look for the good things of everyday life! :)
    xxx
    S
    http://s-fashion-avenue.blogspot.it

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  24. Wish you the best Launna.

    http://ninasstyleblog.blogspot.com

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  25. Good for you, you definitely should not settle!
    www.amemoryofus.com

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  26. big hugs to you, sweet lady. I hope you start to see the rainbow beyond the cloudy skies, soon. Sounds like maybe you are. :)

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  27. You definitely need to be able to look back and reflect. Good news in your walking. Sad to hear about your cat and work x


    Mrsinlondon.co.uk

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  28. I don't know if anything is ever really settled because we are always going through changes. My hope is that there will be more changes for the good than changes for the bad, I suppose. As always, I admire your determination, Launna. Hugs to you!!

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  29. You definitely should not settle for less or what you can get. If you don't date around, you won't know what you want. I know this is cliche but someone will come around unexpectedly. Have a great day Launna. xo

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  30. My sweet Launna,
    Please, don't settle for less, you deserve The BEST!
    You are wonderful <3 <3 <3
    Have a great start of the week!
    Maggie D.
    Fashion Blog Maggie Dallospedale fashion diary

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  31. ... So, that is when I made the decision to get back on track, start eating healthy, start exercising and really give myself a chance to make the changes I needed to make. Were any of them easy? No! Does it get easier with time? Not yet but I have hope that it will. Regardless of whether it gets easier, I am on this path for good now, no amount of numbing helped me, I think it's time to deal with it head on.

    Yes, the above are your words but they make sense don't you think?

    Take Care and ........

    All the best Jan

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  32. I really hope that you'll be soon able to sleep well again, Launna! All the best for the future :)

    www.nevernotinspired.de

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  33. So sorry to hear you aren't sleeping well. I hope that the sleep will come and you will get the rest you need. I am glad you have your friend in Australia who was able to help you during a difficult time. I know it isn't easy to live a healthier life style, but you are definitely taking steps in the right direction (and inspiring others too). :)
    ~Jess

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  34. Oh poor you... disinfecting your whole house must have been a nightmare! My kitty had a nasty fungus when we got him in 2013 (which had no visible symptoms for a good 4 weeks...) and when we finally found out I had to do exactly what you did... but every 2-3 days for a month! :D The things we do for our furry monsters...

    Bella Pummarola

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  35. Every aha moment gets you one step closer to inner peace. You will get there.

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  36. I'm sorry you got news that set you in a tailspin. People surprise us, good and bad, that's for sure. It's nice that you like walking in the cold. Makes it easier to walk, I'm sure. :) Here's to wishing you a super happy February. Because you deserve it. :)

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  37. Hello my dear Launna!! I've missed you so so much!!! And Launna, after reading this, I've realised that you've not been that good. I am so sorry for that past that only brings back pain and memories. And as much as we try to not remember it, we often fail, and eventually get reminded of it. :/ But Launna, at this point, you have the choice of either remembering it as a lesson learnt, or to regret whatever that's been. I know you do it to see how far you've come, and that's fine, but what's the point if it fills you up with bitter memories too, right? <3 I hope you're feeling much better now, and i hope the flee situation is under control now? :)

    http://anshul90.com

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  38. fleas. ugh. the friends who took my cats after my breakup ended getting some too. indoor cats. no one knows how that happened. annoying, i know. and as to your journey. keep going. we never arrive. and there will always be bumps on the road. but as long as we're trying and feeling [!] and experiencing all along the way, we're good. xoxo

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  39. I think commitment is important in all areas of our life! Thanks for your words!

    XOXO!

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  40. I'm so happy to hear you are focusing on your goals in spite of the elements that be. I hope you have a good week and upward and onward, too!

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  41. In my life when I'm going through something really tough, I've found walking really does help. It didn't work on a treadmill, though--I had to either walk on a trail outside or go to a gym with a walking trail. I moved to a part of town with a small, confined walking trail at the Y and that really messed me up. Something about walking in a wide open space really helps me feel better. It's an escape...like I can walk off all my problems!

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  42. Dear Launna, work is work, you're right, not always pleasant, but we need money to live. I wish I can be a better person, I try everyday, even though I'm not sure the results are good...
    A big hug from Italy!

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  43. strength Launna dear, is a difficult time but it will pass
    http://tr3ndygirl.com
    kiss

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  44. This was incredible to read because that ending was exactly what I've been going through the last few months and you need to stand strong in your ground and know what you deserve.

    Love your posts Launna <3

    xx

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  45. I'm glad you dealt with the flea problem. A stitch in time saves nine. Be strong, you will beat this.
    www.effortlesslady.com

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  46. It's so good that you are able to keep learning from any feelings or events and using what you learn to push yourself forward. Keep on believing in yourself!!

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  47. I loved the way you ended this post. In fact, I love the way you wrote it. It's so real.. and more blogs need to be this way.
    You inspire me to bits!! Hope that we can keep in touch. I'd love to continue reading your journey xxx

    http://mystery-girl007.blogspot.com/

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  48. oh my flea! Good thing you were able to deal with them. It's not wrong to look back, I also do that often becaue it strengthen me more. Experiences, broken hearts made us stronger. I believe there's always a reason for everything. In time, you're going to be okay. I remember when my heart was broken into pieces, I was devastated but with my family, friends and prayers I have moved on. you're right, never settle for promises without commitment, they must go together. :)
    Take care always Launna ..
    God bless you ^_^

    Rica😘

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  49. Hey Lauuna,
    I just saw your new profil picture at your account. You look amazing!
    Thank you for the positive energy I get from your letters.

    http://thesmallnoble.blogspot.de/

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  50. hi dear Lauanna, i wish you a wonderful evening!
    flò

    http://lafloppola.blogspot.it

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  51. thats a lot of laundary Launna....and yes i personally think walking is just great especially in pleasant weather and atmosphere
    keep in touch
    www.hairfashionbeautyblog.blogspot.in

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  52. Aah Launna. I hope that is going to be better. I will be! :-) You are a great person!

    xoxo
    www.its-dash.com

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  53. Your posts are so inspiring!
    Would love if we could keep in touch--would you like to follow each other on bloglovin'?

    I have a giveaway going on on my blog right now:
    http://www.starringsamantha.com/2015/01/starring-samantha-x-lookbook-store.html

    xx
    www.starringsamantha.com

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  54. My dear and lovely Launna, keep on going and no please don't settle until you were already there. keep busy about what and where your goal is and meet your beautiful plans there somewhere over the beautiful rainbow:)..You'll get there sometimes no matter how much time it takes. I'm with you, when I was a single I only looking for the real love not a fool or just date. its just not me. We're a real deal not someone can just take us for a fancy dinner, movie, shopping, no waste of the time unless we makes mistake and past quick and still keep looking for the real love to come. If you're looking for a real and right one then you'll find one in one day Launna. Forget about the past, the show must go on..

    Oh no, I don't like flea at all, the reason why we gave away our kitties because me and my babies, were daily fleas bites and they sucks blood like yuuuckk! We did the same thing washed everything, bedding, sofas, Carpet and everything else!!!

    Thank you so much for your lovey dropping by and kind words Launna. I'm finally over the cold but you don't want to hear this, one of my twin, Dylan has pink eye and his teacher just told me yesterday one of his classmate have had pink eye over the past week. and I took him to see his doctor to get the right prescription for his eye. Now, I'm so ready for my pink eye to happen and for the rest of my family as well. Yes, you hear me Launna, my big sighhhh:).

    I only wish you and Valentina are blessing in everyday:). oxoxo
    Tanya
    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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  55. I am glad that you are taking such good care of yourself. Walking is always nice.
    You are so right about not wanting to just settle for anything but love. Also you are right about commitment and not just promises.
    Take care of yourself and in time every thing you wish for will come true.

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  56. I admire your strength and honesty so much. I can always relate to you. Thanks for your support and I hope you know I am always here if you want to talk also.

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  57. Amen to that, Launna---NEVER settle for less---you deserve so much more. On another note---sorry to hear about the fleas----thwy are such a pain to deal with!

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  58. Hello my dear Launna!! Firstly thank you so so much for your lovely comments. I just want to let you know that I appreciate them so so much. Every single one of them!! Launna, you should do like an outfit post!! I am sure all of us are gonna love it so so much!! Or you could do a video! I am just thinking of how much of a wonderful person you are, and I bet you sound as good in person!! And Launna, how have you been? Is life getting better at your side? :)

    http://anshul90.com

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  59. Beautiful post
    have a nice day

    New post in
    Www.miharujulie.com

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  60. Hi Launna, you're letters /posts are always so honest and reflective. I'm sorry about the flea problem, hope your home is fine now. Great that you're still walking too, keep it up, you're very determined. And it's always important to talk to someone about our problems and refrain from numbing the pain, because it's the pain that makes us all human. Glad that you reached out to a good friend to talk about it. It's nice to have someone to listen and help too. Stay strong and healthy. :)

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  61. Bom dia querida amiga nunca te falte a fé porque DEUS esta contigo
    nunca desanime na sua caminhada por que ja mais DEUS te deixa só.
    um forte abraço.
    Novo Vídeo: https://www.youtube.com/user/NekitaReis/channels
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br

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  62. Dear Launna, sorry to learn about the fleas. Such a hard work! You are stronger than you believe. I hope you soon sleep better. Have a wonderful rest of the week!

    Jasmine ♥♥♥

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  63. Even though work may be boring and monotonous, it is so great to know that you do have a job! I hope you can find some nice aspect about work that you can focus on! Also, keep your mind on the positive. :)

    God bless,
    Christine
    www.beyoutifulhope.blogspot.com

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  64. Hi Launna, remember that the difficulties, too, shall pass. Just think of all your wonderful blessings! I hope you feel comfort soon.

    Hugs,
    Lea

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  65. Hi Launna!! I hope you’re doing great, dear!! And I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate every single comment by you! Is the flea situation under control now? :) And I hope you’re not driving yourself too thin!! I am happy in a way that you get to walk a lot, and that’s amazing exercise!! Continue doing that, dear, but keep yourself warm :)

    http://anshul90.com

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  66. Launna I am so thankful for all the motivation you give me and it really helps me keep going. Everytime I read your post, its something I have been through and can easily relate too. My life has been really tough and I have gone through many ups and downs which somewhere broke me and sometimes helped making me stronger.

    And I soo agree with you, I too believe unless commitments are made, there are only promises but no plans. If we want to achieve something there should be a commitment. Again you motivated me here!! Biiigggg hug for you my dear friend Launna

    Kisses
    Ritcha
    http://www.myglossyaffair.com/
    http://www.myfashionfootprints.com/

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  67. Happy friday... better days are coming. They are called: Saturday and Sunday!!!!
    Have a lovely WE Launna!
    Kisses, Paola.

    Expressyourself

    My Facebook

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  68. Amiga bom dia belo dia para você e família, tenha um final de semana abençoado.
    Vídeo Novo: https://www.youtube.com/user/NekitaReis/channel
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br

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  69. Sometimes we have to go to work only because of money but I hope that your situation get betters soon. (I'm using my shorts to have less stomache ;)) Have a great day!

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  70. UGH. I HATE fleas. Not many things I can honestly say that about, but fleas is near the top of the list. Kinda makes you wonder why Noah didn't squish those nasty things when he had the chance.

    But you dealt with them, just as you're dealing with all the other unpleasant things you've had to face and overcome. Hopefully, the bad memories will soon be as dead as those fleas.

    Happy weekend, kiddo.

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  71. Eu sempre faço resenhas verdadeiras! Falo mesmo se não gostei do produto! hahaha!

    É horrível encontrar pulgas! Dá um baita trabalho acabar com elas.

    Quando fizer promessas, faça planos. Assim fica mais fácil!

    Ótima sexta, Launna!

    Beijo! ^^

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  72. I'm so sorry to hear about that incident on Christmas day and I really wish everything gets better soon, dear Launna! The fact that none of us had no idea that something happened until now, shows how strong you are. On the other hand, I totally agree with that last quote you shared, nor you nor anyone should settle, in any aspect of their lives. I'm proud of you for saying it out loud and going for it.
    Oh, and it's funny because while you had your first snowfall of the year, here in Argentina we just had our first heatwave, so I'd love to enjoy a bit of your weather right now ;)

    http://www.stylebydeb.com

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  73. Hi Launna. Many years ago I had fleas, well not me LOL! But it was my cats. They were outdoor and indoor cats then and I had to de-flea the whole house even after I gave them flea baths and got flea collars. So much work, I can empathize with how exhausting that is!! Oh, and my legs were full of flea bites before I was done! Later when I had dogs, I gave them Advantix recommended by the Vet, that really worked. I think they make something similar for cats, maybe ask your Vet about it.

    I sure understand about issues always beneath the surface, hovering there. I have those too and it really never does go away. I’m trying to learn to deal with stuff too. So sorry about whatever happened on Christmas Day and I'm very happy that friend in Australia was there for you. Hugs! And bravo for the changes you’re making. Yes, never settle! I love your quotes here. Wising you all the best!

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  74. Have a great Weekend Launna! lovely Greets <3

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  75. Wish you a great weekend Launna :)
    Actually I'm going to live in London not just for tourism, I'm looking for a job there I hope I'll find something soon!

    See you sweety xx

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  76. Curious where the fleas came from especially in winter. That's awful that you had to do all the cleaning. Yikes. And walking in this cold. Bravo. Hugs and wishes for a beautiful weekend.

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  77. you're not some woman. you're the woman. and you're so strong, valuable, and you can be proud of yourself.

    x
    dahi

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  78. How did the flea get into the house in the first place? I'm terrified of fleas and bed bugs infesting the house as I've heard of my friends who had to debug and deflea their house. Most have dogs but the most recent account I heard from my pal pal, she doesn't have dog. Glad to hear that you had de-flea-ed your house.

    Walking in the cold, getting all warmed up yet cooling down easily sounds like a really great way to exercise!

    Hmm well, wise men always talk about not looking back. But I love to look back coz sometimes when we see things in retrospect, everything falls in place which allows you to anticipate and plan your course of action for the future.

    Jo
    Jo's Jumbled Jardinière

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  79. I'm so, so sorry you are going through such a tough time, Launna. Life certainly is tiring...and I was horrified when you mentioned the flea! I would have been so freaked out and started screaming, I cannot deal with any insects in my house, at all...I'm glad you were able to deflea it, though!
    I hope things can get better for you. Life is stressful, tiring, and so overwhelming, but try your best to keep your head high and think positive. It's not as easy as some make it out to be, we face challenges every day, but you are strong and you can most definitely do it.
    Commitments are certainly difficult, but the love shown through them is amazing. I'm sorry that you might feel lonely, but I'm happy you are not one to "just settle." Never, never settle for less....you will find someone truly deserving of you, and that person is going to be oh so lucky :)
    God bless! Have a lovely rest of your week xx

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤