What Do I Want For 2014...

What do I want for the New Year?  To conquer my fears, one after the other, I don't want them to control how I feel.  This year I have a list of items, all culminating into something bigger than I have ever done. It starts with me committing to getting in the best shape of my life, then starting on completing my payroll compliance courses so that I will have options.  I am zip lining this year, even if I have to bus it back and forth, although it would be more fun to do with a friend. After that, the sky is the limit.

I met him, he is nice... we have another date on New Years Eve, not exactly sure what we are doing, we are making more solid plans tomorrow.  He's going to stay with a friend of his in Halifax so that he doesn't have to drive back so late that night.  It should be fun, just hanging out getting to know each other. Also, a great way to start off 2014.  Regardless of how it all goes, it has been nice being attracted to someone, I was beginning to wonder if that would ever happen again and it did... and it will again.

I probably won't write again until after the New Year, work will be keeping me very busy for the next couple of days and then I have my date with him.  He told me he considers himself lucky to get to know me, I smiled.  Then I will be back to work and year end will be in full swing, it is the time of year all payroll people do not look forward to.  I have decided that this year will be a year of change for me, since change is inevitable, I am going to embrace it and see how far it gets me.

I have written, rewritten and rewritten this paragraph again and again, why?  Because I wonder how it will be taken or interpreted... Where I plan to make 2014 a year that I embrace change, I really think that 2013 was a year of loss, some good losses... like losing the weight and gaining self esteem and self worth. However; I lost some things that I am not sure I can replace... What I really want to do is start my 2014 off on the right foot, some things can stay back in 2013 but others I hope come through 2014 with me...

Happy New Year to everyone, I hope you all have a blessed year that brings love, joy and happiness <3

2013 And Beyond

Christmas day 2013 is over, Valentina and I had a lovely and quiet holiday this year, she was up early and excited about all her gifts.  She is one of those children that is very happy with whatever she gets, she is a very grateful little girl.  Most of her gifts entailed jewelry this year, all kinds of kits to make her own too and of course she is into make up these days as well.  We had a nice dinner and I didn't bother counting calories, I didn't go over board but I allowed myself to indulge a little... Christmas is about having fun and relaxing, the New Year is just around the corner, I am looking forward to all that it will bring.

So, update on the date... he doesn't live in the city, we had freezing rain in both places last Saturday so it was postponed until this weekend... So far the weather looks like it will be good in both places, we are tentatively speaking about meeting on Friday night.  Hopefully the weather will co operate and we will be able to meet to see if we are as attracted to one another as we seem to be.... Either way I am sure it will be a fun night out of getting to meet someone new.

One week from today the new year will have been rung in, I think this is one of those years I am looking forward to saying good bye to, other than losing the weight ... it has not been a good year.  There were just too many incidents that out weighed the good... maybe it wasn't that there were too many incidents, more like there were bigger issues to have to deal with than I thought I could handle.  I have to say one thing here, I don't like the saying that 'we are never given more than we can handle', I am paraphrasing that.  This year I feel like I was given way more than I could handle and I haven't dealt with the challenges as well as I had hoped.

Losing the weight and becoming healthy was one of the best things I have ever done for myself... I wish I hadn't taken so long to put exercising and eating correctly together, however; even though it took me some time... I am glad I finally got to that crossroads and took on the challenge to become the best me.  I am excited for 2014 and continuing on my healthy plan to take off the last 20 pounds or so that I want to lose. I am aware that it will take making a goal, having dedication and exercising.... the great thing is that I actually love exercising and I see this as a way of life in the future.  I remember wondering if I would ever love exercising but I found my niche (walking) and when I did, it helped me to stay with my goals.

I know that loss in the sad form is something we all have to deal with in our lives ... this year it seemed like there was one loss after the other, each one became more difficult to handle.  One came along and it almost took me down, I don't sleep well to begin with but I rarely slept for months following this loss.  I still don't sleep through a full night, I am actually lucky if I can rest for more than 2-3 hours at a time... this doesn't help me to deal with the challenges I have to handle... sleep would go a long way to helping me... I have been learning to deal with the lack of rest, I wish I could find a way to handle the other challenges I have been given.

I guess that 2013 was a year of change and a year of growth, although these types of years can be overwhelming and challenging... in the long run they can turn out to be the greatest years. It is not easy seeing that, especially since I am still in the middle of all of the changes... I am hoping in 2014 that I will be able to look back and know that everything worked out for the best and I might even be able to be thankful for each challenge I was given...