Thoughts About Myself

I had a chat with a friend tonight who I realized is frantic to get through to me. Which made me wonder if everyone feels the same way? Does everyone think I am wearing rose colored glasses?

I have just been feeling SO euphoric lately, you know that kind of happiness and joy that is so amazing you just know that the memories attached to the euphoria will always be imprinted in your mind. Tonight though after being questioned and then really thinking about it, I began to wonder if maybe all the euphoria is worth it. Then I guess that is really the decision we are all trying to make in our lives.

If we are totally honest with ourselves and the older I get the more honest I am with myself. Aren't we all just looking to be happy? Don't we all just want to have joy filled days? I know that's what I want for myself, my children, people I love and my friends. I just want them to be happy. If I can help someone else to be happy than I will be filled with joy. I love myself for being me and not worrying about what everyone will think of me, I am truly happy in my life, the kind of happiness that makes me radiate. People have even said they have never seen me so happy.

I know everyone worries about the inevitable fall but isn't all that joy and happiness worth it? It is to me. I'm so much stronger than I used to be, I feel like I can handle what may come my way. It's amazing to me that I don't fear what the future holds because I'm pretty sure it's wonderful;) I promised myself that I would stop regretting the mistakes I've made or will make as all things in life make me who I am today and who I'll be in the future.

I am a kind, loving, grateful, thoughtful, stubborn, funny, tenacious, dramatic, loyal, interesting and so much more. Basically I'm a very good person who learns and grows from all her challenges.

Challenges can come in many different packages but they all give us the opportunity to grow.

Jack Layton

I was totally shocked when a colleague told me that Jack Layton had died today.  I mean I knew he was sick but I was totally unaware of how sick he was.  I have always like the NDP for my political party and today I can explain why.  Jack Layton grabbed my attention immediately, it takes a lot for me as I rarely watch the news or read the paper.  I hear everything from a great friend who follows the news and now I get it from Facebook and Twitter.  He was an amazing man and it is all in his letter, my hope is that all Canadians will read the letter and be as touched by it as I was.  Jack wrote what all NDP's believe in and I believe they can be the future government just as Jack Layton believed.

I am placing a copy of his letter here on my blog so I can look back and read it whenever I want.

August 20, 2011
Toronto, Ontario
Dear Friends,
Tens of thousands of Canadians have written to me in recent weeks to wish me well. I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughtful, inspiring and often beautiful notes, cards and gifts. Your spirit and love have lit up my home, my spirit, and my determination.
Unfortunately my treatment has not worked out as I hoped. So I am giving this letter to my partner Olivia to share with you in the circumstance in which I cannot continue.
I recommend that Hull-Aylmer MP Nycole Turmel continue her work as our interim leader until a permanent successor is elected.
I recommend the party hold a leadership vote as early as possible in the New Year, on approximately the same timelines as in 2003, so that our new leader has ample time to reconsolidate our team, renew our party and our program, and move forward towards the next election.
A few additional thoughts:
To other Canadians who are on journeys to defeat cancer and to live their lives, I say this: please don’t be discouraged that my own journey hasn’t gone as well as I had hoped. You must not lose your own hope. Treatments and therapies have never been better in the face of this disease. You have every reason to be optimistic, determined, and focused on the future. My only other advice is to cherish every moment with those you love at every stage of your journey, as I have done this summer.
To the members of my party: we’ve done remarkable things together in the past eight years. It has been a privilege to lead the New Democratic Party and I am most grateful for your confidence, your support, and the endless hours of volunteer commitment you have devoted to our cause. There will be those who will try to persuade you to give up our cause. But that cause is much bigger than any one leader. Answer them by recommitting with energy and determination to our work. Remember our proud history of social justice, universal health care, public pensions and making sure no one is left behind. Let’s continue to move forward. Let’s demonstrate in everything we do in the four years before us that we are ready to serve our beloved Canada as its next government.
To the members of our parliamentary caucus: I have been privileged to work with each and every one of you. Our caucus meetings were always the highlight of my week. It has been my role to ask a great deal from you. And now I am going to do so again. Canadians will be closely watching you in the months to come. Colleagues, I know you will make the tens of thousands of members of our party proud of you by demonstrating the same seamless teamwork and solidarity that has earned us the confidence of millions of Canadians in the recent election.
To my fellow Quebecers: On May 2nd, you made an historic decision. You decided that the way to replace Canada’s Conservative federal government with something better was by working together in partnership with progressive-minded Canadians across the country. You made the right decision then; it is still the right decision today; and it will be the right decision right through to the next election, when we will succeed, together. You have elected a superb team of New Democrats to Parliament. They are going to be doing remarkable things in the years to come to make this country better for us all.
To young Canadians: All my life I have worked to make things better. Hope and optimism have defined my political career, and I continue to be hopeful and optimistic about Canada. Young people have been a great source of inspiration for me. I have met and talked with so many of you about your dreams, your frustrations, and your ideas for change. More and more, you are engaging in politics because you want to change things for the better. Many of you have placed your trust in our party. As my time in political life draws to a close I want to share with you my belief in your power to change this country and this world. There are great challenges before you, from the overwhelming nature of climate change to the unfairness of an economy that excludes so many from our collective wealth, and the changes necessary to build a more inclusive and generous Canada. I believe in you. Your energy, your vision, your passion for justice are exactly what this country needs today. You need to be at the heart of our economy, our political life, and our plans for the present and the future.
And finally, to all Canadians: Canada is a great country, one of the hopes of the world. We can be a better one – a country of greater equality, justice, and opportunity. We can build a prosperous economy and a society that shares its benefits more fairly. We can look after our seniors. We can offer better futures for our children. We can do our part to save the world’s environment. We can restore our good name in the world. We can do all of these things because we finally have a party system at the national level where there are real choices; where your vote matters; where working for change can actually bring about change. In the months and years to come, New Democrats will put a compelling new alternative to you. My colleagues in our party are an impressive, committed team. Give them a careful hearing; consider the alternatives; and consider that we can be a better, fairer, more equal country by working together. Don’t let them tell you it can’t be done.
My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.
All my very best,
Jack Layton. Jack Layton

Feeling Content

I have always wanted to just feel content, I do now.  Part of my desire was to feel content with someone, it seemed to elude me so much in my life. In this past year though, I realized that I would never feel content with anyone if I didn't feel it within myself.  Much the same way that people state that no one will ever love you if you never love yourself.

Why I wanted contentment though was mostly because I have had so much drama and craziness in my life, from having to live and grow up with the step mother from hell, to being a single mom at 18 and living on assistance, to marrying Andrey and going through untold abuse.  All I ever wanted was calmness and peace in my life.

I found that finally and I found it in me to begin with, now I have it with someone.  I feel so relaxed, I am not constantly worried that I will do or say the wrong thing.  It's such an amazing feeling, it's all I ever want to feel.  People are brought into our lives for a reason, it's all in deciding what we learn from these people to make knowing them great.

I have learned that there are people who are calm, easy going, sweet... the list could go on forever, I now know that I will never want any less than this in the future, all because I decided to listen to a prompt and do what I know needed to be done.  I also am well aware that things in life don't always last forever but when you learn something about yourself that changes you, it makes it completely worthwhile.

I love feeling content, it makes me extremely happy!!  What I have been chasing all my life, was always there but I never believed it.  Now I do and I know that it can always be there, I am content with me.