He didn't intentionally go out of his way to hurt me and he wasn't mean to me... what did I need to forgive him for so that I could move forward? The only thing that came to mind was that he offered me my dreams and then shattered them by ending it with me. Still I don't feel that I need to forgive him for being honest with me... Maybe I need to forgive myself ... it was okay for me to have that dream ... it was a sweet and beautiful dream..
The dream is so broken that I'm not sure it could ever be fixed again... I'm not even sure I want it to be sometimes. It's much too sad to see it almost happen and then have it end for no reason. At least no reason that I can see or none that I was given. Then I wrote a post the other day about how I wasn't really happy but I also wasn't really sad either... I was in a state of limbo. One of my lovely readers commented that she too was not happy but she was not sure that she really wanted to be... This caused me to think... and deep in my heart I realized I want to be happy.
I say this because I know what true happiness feels like, I was over the moon with such joy and happiness when I was with my 'D' ... I know how it feels and I know it exists... The thought of never feeling that again really breaks my heart because although the fallout was and is extremely painful, I really was never so happy in my life. It was so incredible to be filled with so much joy and love... I guess it is why I can never give up on wanting that feeling again.
Although I know this will be a long road for me, I am willing to take that journey to try... I want that joy and happiness that I know exists...
I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥