Life Is A Circle Of Feelings

I want to thank everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes, they were incredibly sweet... I had a quiet birthday with Valentina, which ended up being exactly what I wanted. I wasn't able to go para sailing as I had originally wished but I wasn't able to find someone to go with... and we ended up having massive thunder and lightening... so I am sure I will get there in time. 

Also, thank you all for the encouragement to keep working towards being organized, I spent Friday with that lady who helped me before, we were able to clean and organize all six closets. Most of the time was spent on Valentina's two closets, teenagers can be pack rats and so messy. I allowed her to have some say as it is her room but I encouraged her to purge as much as possible. Her two closets took more time than the four other closets combined. 
I feel like by being organized that first I feel lighter, I instantly know where my items are and I want to keep it up, second it's easier to clean when there isn't so many items in the way. With all this, I am encouraged to keep eating healthy, which is even more of a reason to keep this up. The exercise is really coming along slowly due to the weight gain which causes pain, however; I have lost some weight by eating properly and I believe it will get easier with time once I lose a little bit more weight. I have decided that a bike is a good way for me to go, it will be less stress on my knees and help my quads to become stronger. That way I can take a couple of bike rides down the trail each day. 

I've had a major challenge that normally would have put me into a tailspin where I would have just ate so that I wouldn't have to feel the sadness and pain but I don't want to fall backwards and I know eating won't help me in the long run, I would just feel more unhealthy and uncomfortable... I am in charge of how I feel and how I will react. Just because someone accepted less doesn't mean that I have too... actually I have to say I feel sorry for the people that accept much less then they deserve. 
With saying all this I will always be there for those people, if a person realizes the choices that they made were not really the best, they need for their family/friends to just be there for them... no judgement ... we all make poor choices in our lives and honestly it is easier to admit it if you know you have someone who will never judge you and try to tell you they told you so... Forgiveness really comes with letting it go and not trying to be the right one... 

I know life is about trials that bring emotions we need to learn how to handle... because if we don't figure out how to deal with them, they just keep coming back to us until we do understand... This past month of organizing has given me a clarity, having less clutter really frees me up to deal with emotions I have buried... ones that were too painful to deal with at the time. Life really is a circle of feelings, knowing this reminds me that sadness really can turn into joy in time...
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Nothing Is Impossible With Change

I don't think I can explain how good it feels to be organized, since I have made that a priority I have had the time and desire to plan my meals. I know what I have and I know where everything is... every night I come home from work I immediately go to the kitchen, start preparing a meal that I have planned.  I never go to bed without washing dishes, it is so nice to wake up to a clean kitchen. I can feel some opposition from myself at times but I push through and I am happy when I do. I end up enjoying my evenings so much more as I can relax and enjoy whatever I plan on doing. 

Valentina isn't as thrilled with it as I am reminding her often of what she needs to do to help me keep up.  Her room still isn't completely organized but that is on the top of my list on Friday... I have a vacation day and I am going to spend it with the lady who has helped me organize before. I think if Valentina can have a place for everything, she will feel like keeping it that way... I am well aware of how overwhelming it can be when you have an abundance of items and no idea where to put them.
I feel like I am on the path I had strayed from after the new year... the exercise is coming slowly but I am okay with that for now as I want to work up to daily activity so that one it will be a way of life again and two I won't go overboard and injure myself... especially since I have put weight on... The really good thing is that I feel better about my food choices and physically I am feeling better with those decisions. I have made a commitment to myself which I know is the only way to be successful... the truth is no one can do it for me... 

Next Saturday is my birthday and I have some plans for this milestone... none of the ideas I have include cake or treating myself. I think that is great for some people... for me I need to stay focused and honestly I am quite thrilled with the food that I am eating, I am enjoying the flavor that comes from good fruit and vegetables ... I am not feeling the least bit restricted, I am more aware of what I am eating and appreciating it more. 
I won't be using my blog to write about how much weight I lose... I will write about what is working for me and how I am feeling from week to week... Besides how much weight I lose is not as important as how I feel... I believe that making small changes will build on bigger changes which will ultimately help me to be more successful. I have always known that losing weight isn't the most difficult thing, maintaining it is the trial... I have confidence that it is possible if I continue to have a strong desire. 

What I learned from the past 6-7 months of eating as I pleased and not allowing myself to be aware is that whether I like to admit it or not... it was a decision I made. I also know it's important not to blame myself for poor choices, if I change them that is the best way to move on... will I fall again? More than likely but I am more mindful and with the knowledge I have, it means I can't really allow myself to fall too far and say it's impossible to turn the choice around... I know the truth, it is possible...
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There Is No Perfect Time, The Time Is Now

I had a very productive week, I took time off from blogging and from TV while Valentina went to camp and I had a woman I know come to my home and we cleaned my entire home... when Valya goes to another camp the end of this month, the woman I know is going to come over so that we can finish off by organizing and purging the closets. I have been loving how clean it is, it's so much easier when you know where items are... the main idea I have to teach Valentina is that she needs to pick up after herself... I cannot do it all alone. 

I want to be completely ready when the time comes for me to work from home, which should be very soon... I feel like if I can be organized that I will have more time to do the things I want to do, such as get back to walking regularly... I am even contemplating purchasing a bike to drive on the trails... I think it would be good exercise for taking pressure off my knees. The trail is fairly flat and very scenic... I think it would be awesome to bike it daily, it goes out for quite a distance too..
I have been feeling an urgent need to start taking better care of my health, I have been conscious of how uncomfortable I am with the weight I have gained back... I know how good it feels when I am paying attention to my health. I also am well aware that when I make a commitment as I have done in the past, it doesn't take long to get into the swing of it... success is most certainly possible... What has always been the difficult part of losing weight and becoming healthy is maintaining, there are so many challenges that can get in your way, weather, depression and injury... None of these should stop me...

When I was at my most successful in the past, I didn't let anything get in the way of my goal... not even my 50th birthday when I made a watermelon birthday cake, instead of a high calorie cake. I didn't feel like I was missing out, I felt incredibly good and on top of my health. The more I exercised, the better and stronger I felt... It was an incredible feeling... at first I started because of the contest but ultimately I kept doing it for me and I then competed with me. 
I think we all need to find what brings our passions out with exercise, mine was walking... I know I will enjoy biking as I biked about 15 years ago and I loved it. For the past couple of months I have been waiting to feel motivated but waiting won't give me the desire, just doing is the only way. My birthday is in less then two weeks, I also will have enough money to purchase a really good pair of sneakers so that I can be successful.

I will be back to tracking my walking on Map My Walk, I would love to surpass the 600 miles I walked in three months last year. I also know it will be slow going in the beginning, it's very easy to get out of shape but I also know it doesn't take long to get back into the swing of it... I don't plan to push myself too hard in the beginning, the last thing I want to do is re injure myself. This time I plan to listen to my body and take a day off here and there to relax my body. What I understand the most is the perfect time does not exist, the time is now...
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Writing For The Love Of It

I had a friend reach out to me last week, telling me they wanted to start a blog and they wanted to know how to make it successful... isn't that what many blog writers would like to know?  For me when I started writing my blog nearly 7 years ago, I never did it to be successful... I did it to give myself a voice and because I have always wanted to write. It gave me a platform to write my feelings, at first very few people read my blog and I rarely read other blogs myself.  

I was quite sporadic when I first started, sometimes I would write once or twice a week and then sometimes not for a month or more. Then when things didn't work out with 'him' and I in early 2012, I started pouring my heart out daily... It was about this time that I started following other bloggers ... I found many and I also found people who were writing only to become successful and make money off their blog. Many of those people no longer write as blogging isn't a simple way to make money by any means. 
So, I told my friend that I think being successful with blogging means writing about what you love and what you know... also it is very important that you support other people. It takes a long time to build up readers, it comes from supporting each other and doing this with genuine comments. Believe me as time has gone on, I started moderating my comments so that I can stop the ones that aren't meaningful and that are only looking for you to visit them. 

I personally don't think this is a way to be successful as I have seen many of those bloggers stop writing... For myself I know I have read a blog where someone poured their hearts out and when I went to respond I was shocked with some of the generic comments that showed they never even bothered to read the content.  My question then is why blog?
So, I told my friend that if they really wanted to write, by all means write... I know it has helped me grow in many ways... I often cringe at some of the early entries I wrote but I don't delete them as it is where I was and I learned each step of the way... I also told them not to expect instant success as it would be a great deal of work and interaction. I feel like I have made friends by really interacting with other writers, often through other social media. I enjoy that aspect of blogging, as I get to know people better. 
The main point I tried to get across to my friend was that they should write about what they love... it will resonate with their readers. Otherwise they won't enjoy the process and it will just become a duty and not a love...  I know that one way to be successful is to write a certain amount of times per week, I think it is great when people can be so disciplined... I write when the mood strikes me, it is usually once a week or less.  I don't want to write, just to say that I did... I love writing and I want to keep it that way.
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