Back to the gym

I had a week off from the gym, first my youngest was feeling well and then I wasn't feeling well and then I was lazy... really the last part was not an excuse, just my being honest. Well, I finally made it back today and although it was tough, I am glad I did it, I did a lot of weights and it felt good. So back tomorrow and now the hard work begins but then from the hard work will come  great results. I am looking forward to it again. 

Back into training again tomorrow... as if I understand all the other training I have learned in the past month, yeah no... I can tell you right now, I am NOT looking forward to assisting customers when I have no clue what I am doing. I KNOW that one day I will but until that day arrives... I will just be muddling through. Oh well, it's the only way to grow and progress, being thrown to the wolves that is... lol

Next thing, I nearly had a melt down at the bus depot today, I went to get on the bus and I could not find my bus pass, not only that, it was in a case that had $90.00 and my bank card as well. I freaked and searched everywhere, just when I thought I would have to go back to work, I remembered putting it in my bra... yes my bra, when I have no pockets I always put things in my bra... lol.   I had forgot. Leave it to me to do the silliest things possible. I am forever making a joke of myself, I don't think I do this on purpose.. I really don't want to be this silly, yet I keep doing things that give people a great laugh. 

Anyhow, I am working on some ideas and plans... nothing that is concrete right now but I know some things are going to change in the near future. If they go the way I want them to go, then yipee... if not then I have to accept that as well.

Trying to understand some people

I guess I will NEVER understand some people, what in the world do they possibly gain from hurting other people? I have been wondering this and talking to some of my friends about this and they have all made me come to the conclusion as follows: I am never going to be able to understand this because I don't think that way, I don't think about trying to hurt other people, I always want the best for people, I want everyone to be happy and to have what they need. I don't want to put people down or in a place that is less than what they want. 

I am so into honesty, I beg for this from people... yet they think that I don't want this and they lie. Believe me, lying is the worst thing you can do for a person, if you were just up front and honest we could all move on, why would you not want to move on... you have no answer???

This past week I have felt like I was in high school again, where I was the weird unpopular girl when really I am the friendly, outgoing and honest girl. I am about all about being gentle and being loving, it's all I have ever wanted... and yet it eludes me. 

I am grateful that I know deep down inside that I am a good person and I deserve good things and most of all good things are happening to me now and in the future. It cannot be denied me, if this is what I give out, this is what I will have in return. This has been a tough week but one that I have needed to grow, those are the hardest but in the end the most rewarding. There are great things around the corner, I just have to keep focused... I will attain all that I desire and who I desire.

Trusting myself to make the right decision

This week went by quickly but it was so jam packed that my mind was overwhelmed with everything that went on.

I had a rough week at the gym, not because I didn't want to go, I got out of the routine. So, back to the routine next week with no excuses.... I can't wait. It made me feel so wonderful putting so much energy into helping myself to be better, stronger and have more energy.

I have also had some difficult thought provoking questions to handle this week as well, hmmmm.... just not sure where to go with some of the questions, both of them could be huge changes... one involves trusting myself. Do I really trust myself to make the right decision? I honestly want to believe that I have changed for the best and that I have learned to trust my decision making abilities. Just because I have not always made the right decision in the past does not mean that I cannot make better ones in the future.

Why do I doubt myself because of what other people say? I need to jump in with both feet and give myself the chance to really be fully happy. I have that opportunity.... I am going to go for it. Really what is the worst thing, I could be disappointed, so what? If I don't take the opportunity, I really believe I will be more than disappointed, I will be stopping myself from progressing. Progressing is the only true way to be happy. Staying in one spot keeps you back.

So next week is all about me getting to the gym, being a better mother and giving myself the opportunity to have an all consuming happiness. I am looking forward to this week, my heart is racing at what can be, I haven't been this excited for a very long time. So long, I almost forgot the feeling, it's back now;)

Changing our thoughts

I just read this quote and I am a quote fanatic for anyone that really knows me;) It went like this 'You are the author of your life, choosing how to believe, live and love.' Most people don't want to believe the truth because if they did, they would realize that they wasted a lot of their life being victims. I wasted some time.. but I no longer beat myself up over that, I have moved on and I know that I am lucky and blessed that I know that all I had to do was change my thoughts. I had a horrible day on Friday and I could have let it own me but I turned it around and I ended up having a fantastic weekend. 

I have seen this concept change my life easily, there are times that I think, I can't get passed something in my life, be it a thought, a vice... whatever, but when I truly decide in my head to make the change, it is almost instantaneous, which makes me laugh sometimes, that it took me so long to make the right decision for me. 

Lately though, I have found that when I am having a bad day that I am able to turn it around faster because I keep this thought in my head at all times. My thoughts are creating my circumstances and I alone can change those thoughts, We all can, when we really believe. 

I know there are circumstances that happen in our lives that are out of our control but how we choose to react to them is what sets us apart. I choose to always look for the good, I am the eternal optimist, it is so much better than being a pessimst. You get exactly what you expect.

That is why I expect to be with the love of my life, for I know that what I believe is what I will have. It may not be tomorrow but it will be, Some things are just meant to be and this is one of them. 



One month

It has been a little over one month of me exercising regularly, atleast 4 to 5 times a week. Have I seen a huge difference, not yet but I will not allow that to discourage me, I know that my body is trying to hold on... why I will never know... lol.  However; I do feel better and stronger, all this exercise gives me energy and helps me to be more positive. I start out at the gym each night and think, oh no... can I do this but I continue to persevere and I feel so great when my workout is done. It actually makes me want to continue each day.

I have been working out on the elliptical, I do a full 20 minutes and I have my speed anywhere from 3.9 to 4.6, so much better than 10 minutes at 3.2 to 3.5. Then I work out on the treadmill for at least 10 minutes with a 3.0 incline and 3.3 to 3.5 speed, I started out without an incline and my speed was only 2.5. I can feel myself becoming stronger, so I know that if I continue to make this a daily workout that my body will have no choice but to give in and get healthy. 

I am grateful that my youngest daughter Valentina wanted a sucker that day in the grocery store and thankful that my sitter Cindy was motivated to want to join the gym with me. Even though we don't workout together all the time, it has been wonderful having each other to talk to when there are days that we have or will inevitably hit a wall. 

I also know this will help Valentina as if she sees me exercising regularly that she will want to have this in her life as well. She has so much energy and she just needs to harness it as it is a bit wild right now. 

I am listening to one of my favorite songs 'When She Danced'  - Can you go back in time to a place in your mind, to the one who knew a part of you, that you just couldn't find. If you ask me to choose between a memory or two, when it's said and done, I'll take the one who's love I had to lose. 

I will always choose the love I had to lose as it was the best and most intense love, I never want the watered down version and nothing can compare to what I had, maybe that is why I can never give up on my dream for the future. That feeling keeps me wanting the best for myself. 

Well off to another day of work and then another workout;)

Accomplishing small things

I was finally able to get some housework accomplished. It has been a long time since I actually took any time to make my home feel comfortable. I actually cleaned out my fridge, which was empty once I removed everything dated, wow... then cleaned out the freezer that had two inches of blueberry ice that had to be removed, unbelievable. After which I was able to scrape up the energy to scrub my kitchen floor with a scrub brush, can I say amazingly clean. I have lots more to do but I now see a light at the end of the tunnel. It is awful when you are sitting in chaos is your house and life, no amount of positive thinking can make you feel your best until you actually unclutter and clean your home.

I took one day off from the gym yesterday, just so that I could clean my house but I was back at it again tonight and wow, did I ever feel the burn, I wish I could go tomorrow but no child care... so, I am definitely going on Friday and Saturday and putting a lot more effort into it. I really don't like missing a day but I refuse to give up. I have so many goals and I will accomplish each and every one of them, one by one. No one ever arrived at their destination by giving up... I plan to make it to my destination and then travel that road with someone in particular.

So, it is back to work tomorrow, I have lots to do but I am sure I will do fine, I am tenacious and I never give in. What I don't get immediately, I find a way to understand it and I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. I just breathe and everything always ends up working out the way it should;)

The Right Decision

I've had to make some hard decisions this week. not life changing but difficult ones. Everyone who knows me, knows what my one main desire in life is... I have been working towards that goal for the past couple of years.

For right now, in this moment... I am letting that goal go. For the long term it is still what I want but I have come to realize that if I had that goal in my life right now... it wouldn't work. So many things have to change for it to work right now. As hard as it is to give up on a dream in the here and now and it is difficult. I know that ultimately I will attain the main goal that I want more than anything.

I just have to move on with my life with all my other little goals and trust that when the time is right that it will all lead to the my one hearts desire. I just knew that if I kept pushing for it in the here and now that I would I have it but would it really last? Do I really want it before I am ready to have it? The answer is no, I want it when I am supposed to have it and when it will truly last! For I will never truly be happy until I have it for a certainty and not just for a short time.

I am going to relax, enjoy myself and prepare myself for what will come.