Life Is A Beautiful Struggle


Since I have been waiting to see the doctor, I have almost been in limbo... I know that she won't be able to figure out immediately what my issue is and truthfully I am frustrated. Part of me is fearful that it may take a long time for a diagnosis... if there is even one. I am trying to be positive and hopeful that she will be able to find a solution to my pain. The whole thing is depressing me, making me feel as if this is it and there might not be a way out.

I don't want to think like that but I know people who live with chronic pain... I have and I have had empathy for them, with a great deal of gratitude that it wasn't one of my trials. I couldn't imagine how they dealt with it, now that I have been dealing with it, it brings tears to my eyes... and I am saddened that many people have to handle such physical burdens. Once again life has intervened and thrown another wrench it to change it again.
I thought because I had to cope with one struggle after another and since I didn't end up with the dreams I had hoped for... I believed I deserved a life without debilitating trials, I wanted to travel in a few years. Once Valentina was grown up, I had nothing holding me here anymore... I figured maybe that was the way it was meant to be, I didn't believe that if I was with someone that I could travel to wherever I wanted to... whenever I wanted...

We don't always get what we think we deserve and life continues to give us trials ...  often they don't make sense until long after we get through them. I believe if I had the choice to take other paths in my life, knowing what I know now...  I wouldn't go down other paths. Truthfully if I was asked while I was going through them I would have run in another direction as quickly as possible... it only makes sense much later with deep reflection. I never did figure out why losing 'him' from my life was needed, I just ended up putting it on a back burner... otherwise, it would have destroyed me.
With my health deteriorating ... it has me questioning why? Not that there is an answer, it's just another challenge I have to cope with. I might sound a little selfish here but frankly, I don't want to go through this, for once I wanted one of my dreams to work out... I never took my health for granted, especially in the past couple of years where I worked so hard to be healthy, I felt blessed that I had put it all together at one time after many years.

One conclusion I have come to over and over but more now than ever, if there is something you want to do in your life, do it... don't wait. There will never be a good time, something will always come up. I often let everyday living take over, instead of seizing the opportunity... I do know that if I can get my health back on track, I won't be waiting for anything, I will just do the things I've dreamed of... hopefully, I will be given the opportunity to follow those dreams and more ...
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23 comments :

  1. So sorry and sad to read about this struggle. Living with pain must be impossible. Like you stated, trials don't make sense until long after we get through them. This too shall pass. Just like every struggle. Cos thankfully storms don't last forever. Feel better Launna.

    http://www.fashionablyidu.com/

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  2. hello Launna thank you so much for coming over my blog I really appreciate it. indeed life is a beautiful struggle, although sometimes a real nightmare hahah but at the end we came to appreciate every bad things that came out our way because it turned us into the person that God wants us to be. have a great week ahead. keep in touch hugs http://www.nanajover.com/

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  3. I hope your doctor will discover why you are suffering that pain very soon. You will do a lot of things and travelling in a while, I'm certain.

    Jasmine xx

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  4. Health is such a fragile thing and you never know it until it's taken away. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You never know, it may be something simple that the doctor is able to help with! One of my friends has chronic pain but is also able to to go to a specialist clinic for it and he's making lots of progress which is so nice to see - there are options out there and I hope you quickly find the one that works for you :)


    Away From The Blue Blog

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  5. I am so sorry you have this health struggle on top of everything else in your life, Launna. I did think things were finally smoothing out for you with the option to work from home in place and I felt like you were getting to a really good place.

    We have talked before about when I lived with pain for such a long time. You are right- never take anything in life for granted. Do things while you are able because you never know what curve ball will be thrown at you next.

    God bless you- I am praying for you and for a release from your pain. xo Diana

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  6. This is such a profound bit of writing Launna.
    I relate to a lot of it.
    Chronic physical pain is certainly not something anyone wants, and staring down that road is really terrible...I don't want that for you either.

    Sometimes our life is shaped by our own choices, or others' choices which change our course, or by things like physical limitations. My eyesight is a physical limitation that I really struggle with every day, I cannot drive because of it, and there is no fix. It has shaped my life dramatically. Others don't see it because I look "normal" for the most part. But I react very badly when something comes up that hits that limitation.

    There is never a good time for anything- saving money, having a child....so you are right it has to be now. Or "soon with planning". As always I am sending good thoughts and vibes your way. Love and hugs xoxo

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  7. Dear Launna, I am so sorry you are going through this. I have many health issues, so I totally empathize. I really hope that the doctor can figure things out and is able to help you. Our health is so important. Sending you much love and many warm hugs.

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  8. Launna, I am sorry to hear you are having to deal with this pain. I hope your doctor can make a diagnosis and find a treatment for you so that you can follow your dreams again. Hugs to you, my friend.

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  9. So sorry to hear this. I hope and pray the doctor figures out what is wrong soon. Hugs and try not to think about it too much.
    www.effortlesslady.co

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  10. Launna...I have no words other than I am sorry. It does seems unfair that life has presented nothing but challenges towards you. Maybe it will all makes sense in the end or at least that's what I'm hoping for you. You deserve happiness.

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  11. I'm so sorry that you're going through so much pain. I know it's hard, but try not to worry too much about what the Dr. will find. I'm terrible at imagining the worst case scenario, but things are never as bad as we think they're going to be. I know that you will get better and will be able to travel and reach all of your goals and dreams.

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear this my lovely friend. I hope you will get better soon, so you can follow all your dreams again! Sending you kisses & hugs darling, stay strong!!!
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  13. I do agree with you that waiting for the right time is something we shouldn't do. There will never be a perfect time for anything. Every time period of our time has its challenges. Sometimes we just need to take a go for it...and sometimes we can make baby steps. Take our dream and adjust it to our life...take an afternoon off, or an evening- do something we want to do for a long time, read a book we wanted to read etc...If what you really want to do is to travel, you can try taking baby steps. Plan a short weekend getaway or a two day vacation.

    I'm sorry to hear about your chronic pain problem, but try not to anticipate the worst. I had a problem with my foot and I could barely walk for three months last winter (and I was in pain for much longer) but in the end it worked out...the doctor never managed to figure out what it was and I was occupied with other problems so I didn't think about it much- I still don't know what it was or why my leg was swollen for months. We can't help ourselves by worrying because that makes us even more exhausted and it doesn't help our body that is struggling with whatever issue it might be struggling. I hope you will manage to figure out what is wrong soon enough and in the meantime try to help your body recover by listening to it carefully. Sometimes our body and mind needs not only rest, but a change of a routine.

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  14. I hope you are well my dear
    A big hug

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  15. Dear Launna...sending some healing power (wishing that I could) to you! I understand, that pain and thoughts are just so much... your attitude is so great! Also, being tired is all normal... you know? You do, I know :). Life is such a huge mystery! It dosent always listen us, it just throws stuff to us and we have to cope. I was thinking that if in this week we chat a bit?? Hugs a lot!! <3

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  16. I do hope you find the answers you need for your pain. You are so right, about doing things now ..instead of waiting. There are so many conflicts out there, personal ones and economical ones.

    Just don't give up. Stay strong. I know you have many adventures to get too.

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  17. Glad you shared your heart with us dear friend.
    I since my teens used to write the sentence that you used as title of your beautiful post except "beautiful "
    I believe that life test our courage and skill of survival more than often and i think each time this test make us stronger .
    What matter most is to looking at the half glass that still holds water!
    I truely from the bottom of my heart wish and PRAY that my dear God give you relief from this pain and you see your darling daughter growing and even her children Amen!
    I request you to stay strong and don't let your faith shake as I feel that this tough phase will pass quickly and soon you will be able to live a pain free life with your precious family

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  18. Hi Launna... i am sad to know u are not in the best of health.. trials r a part of life and it really depresses me too that why it keeps coming one after the other.. considering ur age there wud be health issues and it is better to accept them, treat them and feel better.. I agree we shudnt wait to do something and just do it... Hope u feel better soon xo

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  19. Dear Launna,

    I'm sad to read that you are unwell and I wish you a speedy recovery. I see that this health issue has triggered that frustration of why am I not 100% for you but believe me, pain inside and out are what makes us who we are and I just think this is something one cannot absolutely ignore no matter how healthy one's lifestyle is. I wish you spring back to your old positive self immediately <3 Can't wait to read more about your experience Launna!

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  20. Sorry to hear about your pain issues, but hopefully, the doctor will make a quick diagnosis and you'll be feeling good as new in no time. You're right about one thing, though. We've gotta "carpe" the hell out of every "diem". The only time we can count on is... right now. Don't worry. You'll still make those dreams come true.

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  21. I'm so sorry for your pain, Launna... hope you can find a solution. And thanks a lot fot the conclusions of your thought, I totally agree and maybe should act as a consequence...
    Big hugs!

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  22. Wishing you the best of luck with your visit to the doctor and figuring out what is at the root of your pain. I hope your health will get back on track. So sorry you are in so much pain. It can be hard to not put things off to the future as we work and go about day to day life- but you are right! Thanks for sharing. Sending big hugs. :)
    ~Jess

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  23. Dear Launna,
    I encourage you to look for a solution outside of traditional medicine. Look for what kind of herbal teas, natural products or type of food can alleviate your sickness. Sometimes, going to the soul doctor (psychologists) also helps. I wish you all the best and I hope to hear from you here soon.
    kss a lot
    =)
    New post in my Lifestyle Blog

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