Although I am no where near where I want to be, I at least see myself on a path. The past couple of weeks I have gained my voice back. First I stood up for myself in family court against my ex, second I allowed myself to open up about how I have had to deal with my ex and all the ramifications of that relationship, I feel stronger. Third and most important is that I want better for myself, I don't just want second best, the reason I ended up with my ex is that I accepted less than I deserved.
We all deserve better and we shouldn't accept any less than that. This has all helped me to be in a happier mood, not one that is holding on to the past. I am sure I will have more hard days but these last few weeks I have felt like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It has taken me almost three years since that awful night for me to finally see a light.
I am not going to sit back any longer, I am going to be using my voice and standing up for myself whenever the need arises. This was truly who I was before I met Andrey, before I allowed him to take that away from me. It must be shocking to Andrey that I am standing up to him, not letting him control me. I don't want anyone to control me and in turn I don't want to control anyone else.
I lost my passion for life when I met Andrey and allowed him to be my voice. When I did that, I gave up dreaming and hoping for better. I am finally feeling like dreaming and hoping and most of all, I am looking for passion. I want to find the things I know that will uplift me and help me to grow. I never want to give away my voice again. I almost gave away myself... no one should ever do that.