I had a fairly good week in getting things done that I needed to do... I finally started to declutter, it has been overwhelming. I had to get to a point that I realize I won't get it done in one day, not even one week... possibly a month. As I am not looking to just move things from one place to another, I want to completely rid myself of things I no longer need or use. It's awful how I have accumulated unnecessary things, I have started with the bigger items and rearranging furniture.
As furniture and bags have left the house, I have started to feel lighter... I am looking forward to the day I have my house in order so that everything has a place and nothing new comes into the house unless something is leaving. The older I get the more I want to downsize... I have gone through cleaning thoroughly many times but until I downsize the clutter will always take over and become uncontrollable. It's like putting a band-aid on a cut that needs stitches... it never heals. If I want Valentina to learn that things are not important, I have to set the example.
With learning to live in the moment, it has given me the desire to do what I can each day, not thinking of ways to leave it for another day... I came to a conclusion the past couple of weeks that I was ignoring things that needed to be done because I didn't want to deal with it... just like opening my heart to allow love into it... I had to open my eyes to my surroundings and do something about it. My house is not a disaster by any means, I just have too many things that don't have places to go.
I had to take a hard look at myself and know that I had allowed it to get to this point because I didn't want to handle it, I didn't want to take responsibility, if I did, I would have to admit that I could do something, ... it meant I could no longer come home from work, sit down and veg out with my phone and the TV (which I don't even really watch)... When I had really committed to exercise, I gave up TV for 5 or 6 months and I didn't miss it at all, I am doing this again.
I have two goals by the end of this year and going forward, first the short goal is decluttering my house, which I have a very good start on and two getting back to walking and strength training. I have not felt good with my health, the added weight has made me want to move less and it has caused pain in my knees... luckily for me I remember how good it feels to be healthy and I am looking forward to getting there again. I don't have a goal weight, I have exercise goals... I'm back on My Fitness Pal and I am starting a couple of walking challenges tomorrow, this is what I need to get myself back to exercising daily.
I think opening my heart to love was one of the best decisions I have made, it helped me take a long look at my life and by not hiding, I had to do something about it... is it easy? No, I can't say that but I can say that I can see it will be worth it... I had open up to see that happiness can be a step away...
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