I Can't Fix It On My Own...

Hi everybody, I know it's been a long time... truthfully I wanted to write sooner and many more times than I can even say. I have been dealing with a lot of items. First, I am still not working from home but it is looking like it will happen in the near future. There were many changes at work which slowed me down from working at home but it seems to be on course now. Second, I have been trying to come to terms with the election in the USA... it has thrown me for a major loop. (I know many will have their own views on this and I appreciate there are differences. I don't want to discuss my politics here... I just wanted to explain my long absence) Third, my depression has been front and center with weight gain, lack of sleep and generally trying to focus. 

Saying all this, I realized that I really needed to write, I have missed everyone. I often wanted to check in with your blogs but because I follow so many, I couldn't pick and choose and I knew I couldn't handle reading all of them. This week I plan to take a little time each day to visit each and every one of you. I am truly grateful for so many of you who reached out to me through Instagram, Twitter, FaceBook, Email and of course here on my blog. All of them touched my heart to know I was missed and that so many people cared about me, thank you.
What did I learn from my time off, a lot... I was overwhelmed when I just decided one day to take some time, which stretched on and on. I felt as if I couldn't just come here and write and not interact with all of you and that wasn't something I could handle at the time. Lately, I knew I wanted to write, I needed to get my feelings out so that I could find ways to deal with emotions and trials I have right now. By not writing, I made things more difficult for myself...
For the past six weeks, I have tried to cope with emotions past and present... This is a really tough time of the year for me, I was reading through my blog posts, I could see this  pattern happening over and over... I have to find a way to make this time of the year good and fun again. It has been a long time since I have truly looked forward to it... I do the things I need to do but my heart isn't in it, it has not been for a very long time.
I don't think I have dealt with the core issue, if I had, I would not keep coming back to them over and over. When I was exercising I could hide my feelings there but once I hurt myself I had nowhere to hide anymore. I can tell you this, it sucks having to deal with emotions that I just want to go away. They never go away though, they will just compound until I face them.
I have a new friend, which I have needed for a very long time... she and I hang out regularly and talk a lot. While talking with her I understood I needed to write and also once I am working from home, I will find someone to talk with, to see if they have other solutions I could use to finally face the core emotions. Doing this on my own isn't working for me anymore... maybe that's the first step I have to take to make the changes ... admit I can't fix it on my own...
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  1. Launna, I'm so sorry to hear about your depression and I hope you get to work from home soon because I think if that is something you want to do, it will make you feel happier. There are so many people completely upset by the election, so I don't blame you. I hope you had a great weekend and I hope the upcoming holidays make everything a little better too.


  2. welcome back Launna.Its a joy to read that you have a friend who you can now talk to and i think it will really help you
    Blessed week ahead

  3. I'm glad you're back. My wife and both struggled with the outcome and its outcome. We posted pictures and small talk most of last week.
    Take care and it's good to have a friend.

  4. Launna, I am so glad to see a post from you here. I quit blogging for almost a year while we went through a major health crisis. Sometimes you just need to step back, reassess, take a deep breath, and relax for a bit.
    It is hard when those old hurts come back to haunt you time and again. I, like you, am very 'time oriented'. Dates that others would long have forgotten jump up and bite me with the 'remember when' bug. Not a good thing. Sometimes having a good memory is a pain-literally.

    God bless you. I hope your job situation changes soon and that you can start working from home...and...I am thrilled that you have a new friend. Everybody needs a good close girlfriend. They have a whole different prospective than a male friend. There's an old saying- men may come and go in your life but a good girlfriend is there for life.

    Have a wonderful week and keep writing!!!! xo Diana

  5. So happy to hear you have a new friend and I do hope you can work from home soon and you will have a beautiful winter with lots of sweet celebration.

    Yes, I've been depressed since the election. Recently, I went on a roadtrip to see family and am so glad to be home. It is sad to see how frail many of my relatives are and their daily challenges, but appreciate them more too. I'm sure they are thinking I'm wasting my life, but oh well..you just keep going as more obstacles are thrown my way at work. I do take great refuge in writing.

    Of course, many friends have wanted me to do the Nanowrimo this month..that on a trip was definitely challenging. Writing on a phone is a little mind boggling. Of course, my word count is still very low for a 50,000 word novel and my characters are not from my 'ellie' storyblog this time around. Then there is finding time to go on with those stories too, but sometimes, its great to get away and write!

    All the best to your writing, you happiness and overcoming those daily struggles. I know you're a prayerful warrior and mean so much to many. Don't forget that.

    Keep Writing!

  6. Welcome back on blogging Launna, I'm so glad!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I'm so thrilled that you have a new friend!
    Take care and keep writing doll!
    Kisses, Paola.


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  7. glad you are writing--that helps to get it out. i'm sorry you are hurting. i am too, esp over this election. it felt like a nightmare waking up.

  8. It was so lovely to read your post - although I appreciate things are still not right.
    Talking about issues, and even writing about issues/worries can help, and I hope you may find that by writing your post here ... it has helped.

    Take each day one step at a time, think a positive thought when you first get up ... it is going to be a good day. Take a deep breath and I'm sure it will be.

    ... and you will be working from home soon now - that is good!

    Take care my blogging friend

    Sending good wishes and loads of positive thoughts your way.

    All the best Jan

  9. It's nice to see you writing again Launna.
    Lots of really disturbing stuff happening on a global level...life seems to get harder and harder. I hope you get to work from home really soon, seems like it is taking a long time. Hang in there, I guess that's all we can do. hugs

  10. Welcome back dearest Launna, I'm sure it is not only you but the entire world reeling from the US Elections. I personally believe, its a Joke. Or a bad dream from which a lot of us would wake up from one day and realise we are still living in the good old dream. I'm so glad you decided to come out and start writing again. Depression is a devil that each of us faces, it either comes when we have a lot to do, or nothing to do. It comes and reaches everyone, But to seek out the light from the darkness is what takes so much motivation and courage and I see you have done that <3

  11. Dear Launna, I'm so happy you are back again and have a new friend to talk to, it's so important to share one's feelings. Don't worry if you do not work work from home, it will happen. About Us election, just know - I don't want to bother you - that I was shocked. What's important is that you are back again, I missed you so much...
    Big kisses from Milan :)

  12. Launna, I am sorry that you've been struggling along lately (as an American, the elections results are indeed the worst) but it seems you've got how to handle the painful moments in life.

    Good luck to you!! You can do anything!!

    All the Cute

  13. Welcome back Launna. I've missed you! I'm sorry that you're going through a difficult time right now, but I'm glad you've decided to write about it. That always seems to help me too. Having a new friend to talk to is wonderful, and realizing that you can't do it all on your own is a great step in the right direction. I wish you happiness and peace.

  14. I'm very happy you're back, Launna. I hope things come to place gradually. Please, don't work too hard or worry about things you can't change.

    Jasmine ♥♥♥

  15. Hi Launna, it's good to have you back! So sorry to hear that things have been so rough for you lately :-( I hope you feel better soon... X

  16. Hello Launna:
    Welcome back! I am doing well and I hope that you too :)
    I specially agree with one of the sentences: The more you hide your feelings, the more they show.
    Have a great day dear! XOXO

  17. Welcome back, kiddo. The problem with old pains that we try to keep hidden in the darkest shadows of our minds is they have a way of jumping out at us to demand attention, no matter how hard we try to ignore them. They will NOT let us forget them. This election has dragged some of my buried emotions and memories out of the darkness, too, and I'm still struggling to get them under control. But I'll win, and so will you.

    It's fantastic that you have a new friend. :)

  18. I'm so glad you have a new friend to talk out everything with. That makes such a HUGE difference. It sounds to me like it's time to establish some NEW holiday traditions--ones that are all your own. I'm so glad you're back and sending love and cheese your way.

  19. I'm glad to see you back here even if it is only to pop in and let us know that you are OK. You need to take care of yourself first. Don't worry. We will be here whenever you feel like writing. I'm sorry to hear this is a tough time of year for you. I hope you can find a new way of looking at it and getting through it. I'm glad to hear you have a new friend to talk to. Seeing things from another perspective is often helpful. Hugs to you.

  20. I can't believe everything I typed just went off��‍♂️��‍♂️��
    I'm so glad you're back Launna. I know how it feels to get so overwhelmed. I am personally thinking of going off social media for a while as I need to focus on somethings in my personal life now.
    I'm so happy you've made a friend, sometimes all we need is someone to talk to, to listen to us, to hold our hands, to just be there.....
    I pray it all goes well with you and that you get to your happy place in no time at all.
    Love you.

  21. Hi dear Launna,

    First of all, a very warm welcome back! I am so glad that you were able to take some time for yourself and to do things, think, whatever you needed to do. It is so nice to see you back. I remember a couple of years ago I closed off my Facebook page for 5 months!!! However, I can't seem to do this with my blog, but in my case, I find my blog therapeutic, and I know each person is different, so I totally respect and appreciate your need to take a blogging break. Sometimes the core of anything is very difficult to first...pinpoint and identity, and even more difficult, to change what is needed to be changed. The important thing is that you are trying, and I think this is just wonderful. Sending you many hugs and lots of love. :)

  22. I've missed you Launna and so glad you're back and writing. Writing helps me too, to have my voice, and to be present. Glad to hear you have a new buddy, someone who understands you and has your back. I think life is a series of amazing times and tough ones but there's a strength in you, and a determination to live your best life. Hugs from my heart to yours.

  23. Welcome back Launna! I'm sorry you are going through all this and glad you took the time off. I believe getting help is the best route to go at this time and hope things work out for the good. Happy to hear that you have a new friend too. Hugs!

  24. Oh Launna, it's so good to see you back. I've not recovered from the elections either. Like what in the world??? Well, we'll wait and see. I hope you get to start working from home soon as that may be more relaxing for you. I think acknowledging what or how you feel is a step toward figuring out how to handle them. You are such a strong woman Launna. I'm loving and I believe in that quote that burying your emotions isn't the most effective way. I do that sometimes too though cos don't we just have to keep going sometimes. Like no down time to deal with emotions. So sucks! I'm very very very glad you have a friend you can talk to. I pray she's a good friend to you cos you don't need any bs. Not now, not ever. Hang in there friend.


  25. Aquela água termal é muito boa. Estou adorando! ;D

    Launna, estou feliz com o seu retorno. Pode ter certeza de que várias pessoas se importam com você! Realmente não é fácil passar sozinha por um momento difícil. Por isso é importante que você escreva pra desabafar e ler nossos conselhos!

    Ótima quinta!

    Beijo! ^^

  26. Glad to see you back Launna.. u can take ur own time and m glad u found a friend to talk with.. Hope everything gets sorted out for you... Have a nice weekend xoxo

  27. It's so lovely to have you back Launna! I looked at your blog often during your absence, and I was tempted to get in touch with you at various times, but I felt I should respect your space while you were dealing with personal issues. This post is very well-written and thoughtful, something I always appreciate about your posts. I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties you've been facing, which are harder to deal with at this time of year.

    It's a really positive thing that you've made a good friend and will be arranging to talk with someone about the recurring problems which have been holding you back.

    I wish you the very best of luck. Stay strong and I'm certain you'll get to where you want to be.

    Lots of love Saba xx


  28. Hi dear Launna! Welcome! I am so happy that you are back! Don't worry to much dear! Wish you all the best! Because you deserve all the best!


  29. My dear Launna! So good to see you back, we missed you a lot these past weeks, but as I said back then and I repeat now, the fact that you were taking the time you needed was comforting :)
    I'm sure you learnt a lot during this time off. Each of us has our own way to deal with our issues. It's clear that you have a gift for writing and reaching out to different people this way so it's good you keep doing it, even for yourself. But I'm also glad that you discovered something new, which is the fact that you might need a face to face talk with a friend to probably see your problems or what's bothering you with different eyes, that always helps.
    Once again dear, I missed you and I'm happy to welcome you back to the blogosphere! <3

  30. Welcome back Launna. You have been missed dearly. So glad to hear you made a friend to talk to that really helps a lot. It's good to get things off your chest. So glad this election is over.
    Simera |Beautetude

  31. Yay! You're back, and glad to see the new post. Isn't it exciting to meet new friends that you can bond and have fun with? I have a tendency to ignore situations that are unpleasant to deal with, and have made some situations worse, intensifying my emotions. I'm learning to handle them head on, even though they are uncomfortable at times. So I totally understand what you are going through. Having someone to talk to who is unbiased and "gets you" is so wonderful. God has blessed you also with the wonderful gift of writing, and I'm glad that helps too. Continue to stay strong and keep writing. We miss hearing from you. Hugs...RO

  32. Hi Launna,

    I'm so glad you're back writing. You definitely were missed. I think writing your feelings down is so helpful, it's something that I've learned to do as well, with inspiration from you actually. I've personally been going through such a tough time myself (I wrote about it on my blog it's called 'Finding my way back home') and I had been keeping everything to myself and for about a month of that I was so depressed, filled with anger, upset, frustration, it was such a dark place and I could feel myself slipping back into my old habits. I didn't care about anything at all, but writing about that and getting it off my chest, not hiding, really helped, it was such a weight off my shoulders. So much so I even just created a diary page on my blog. I really hope you will be able to share with us your problems, perhaps you could make this like a community where we all share advice. I know problems are hard, but it seems like once you face them and push through, you can come out the other side.

    Lots of love to you!

    Raindrops of Sapphire

  33. Welcome back Launna! I wish there was something you could do right now. Me with this election - I can't grasp the big picture. I haven't cried and I haven't hardly had any real emotions about it. I think I need to face that for real or I'll have a breakdown on inauguration day. It's not good to hold onto emotions. I feel that in just a week, I can't imagine what you feel like. Glad to have you back. Hope that working from home pans out really soon so you can get the ball rolling with everything else.

  34. First of all: welacome back dear Launna!
    I'm very happy to hear that you have a new friend: friendship is a very important thing, since nobody can live alone even if it's often very hard to find someone good, true and sensitive enough for you...
    But I'm sorry you had hard times, I think it's pretty normal to front down moments from time to time, but if you don't let things overwhelm you, you'll see that everything come back to normality, eventually even better than before! But don't hide your feelings, even if you don't like them if you don't front and resolve them they'll end to control you!
    Anyway I bet that since you'll start to work at home everything will be ok! Don't worry, try to resolve one thing at time and in no time everithing will be ok again! :)

  35. Wonderful to read a post written by you Launna, but sorry to hear that you're struggling with things at the moment. I think I can relate, especially with past and present emotions taking control of your life. I'm always here for you if you want to chat about anything, just get in touch anytime. Sending you my love, Annie xoxo

  36. First of all, welcome back, Launna, I missed you. I know what you meant by the election...my husband told me that there's no way he would be elected, it's just not possible and we woke up the next day to the news. Needless to say we both were absolutely stunned and the whole day was like a daze.

    I'm glad that you met a new friend and it seems like she's good for you. Again, if you ever need someone to talk, please know I'm always here for you. xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

  37. Happy to see you back and yes, I can totally relate to what you are saying about hiding from the emotions but they still come back. I have been in a funk for months, and it just got worse after the election. I'm still searching for my funny bone. I see glimpses of it here and there and my family has been incredibly supportive but I just don't feel like my old self. Guess I have more work to do. Hang in there, Launna. <>

  38. Hi Launna,
    welcome back. I missed you. I agree with you sweetie and I don't know this election. Any way, I'm so happy because you came back, your post send me emotions and They make you think.
    Maggie Dallospedale Fashion diary - Fashion blog

  39. Hello Launna! Its soo good to see you back. I hope everything is fine. Just wanted to remind you that you shouldn't feel like you're alone! I am always here for you. I hope you have a great weekend!

    Sending love.


  40. Welcome back beautiful Launna! i missed you a lot. Big Hugs from Vienna <3

  41. i think that thanks to your friends you will be happy again very soon :) follow:) now waiting for U:)

  42. Very interesting read and I really loved your description about yourself <3 <3
    very inspirational.


  43. It would be a tough time to balance work and home. I have experienced it. Now i am free from work and fully resting in home...

  44. Glad you're back! I love reading posts from wise and positive women! :) you're amazing. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday, Kisses from London! Dominica.

  45. You were very missed while you were gone. So happy you are back!

    I am also so excited for you that you have made a good friend and they are helping you to see some things in your life. Writing is definitely a good outlet to help get our emotions out. It can be hard, but worth it in the end.

    Sending you hugs and positive energy. :)

  46. I am glad you are back Launna, we have missed you, I think writing helps you to bring out all these feelings so do not stop writing dear

  47. Happy to see you writing again Launna. I have found it difficult to blog lately as well because of my new job, and studies, life in general. I've been blogging about once a week, not as often as I used to. Dealing with painful or unwanted feelings is so tough, but they have to come out in order to make room for happiness in your life. Trust me, I had to do it too. I actually got a lifecoach and she helped me so much. It doesn't matter if it's a therapist or friend, as long as you are talking out your feelings with someone it will help. I do recommend a therapist though for endless reasons, number one being that once you leave your therapist all those feelings and emotions are left there. It's one of the best feelings. Then you have new memories and fun things to do with your friends. Hope you find that balance to bring you back to your best self.

    Much Love,

  48. I am 17 days behind in my reading and as I read your first paragraph about NOT working from home yet I just grinned because I know that now you are! Missed you my friend!


I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤