I Will Be Me

 
It's been a long time since I sat down to write, I lost my muse ... it was easier to veg out in front of Netflix and binge watch show after show. If I did that, I didn't have to think about what I was doing with my life, I haven't been able to really stand up and say what I was thinking or feeling... One because pain messes you up more than I ever could have imagined, it makes you someone who can barely think of anything else. I keep chasing the next idea that supposedly has helped this person or that person but I ultimately end up back where I started.

Also, the last couple of weeks has brought back the rape as I am sure many women (people) are dealing with the past... you are so sure you dealt with it, then you hear people belittle the survivors and it opens every wound. If people could just understand how difficult it is to come forward and tell their story, it took me over a year to lay charges and then I was in limbo until we had to go to court... that was like being raped all over again... I saw no empathy. He ended up getting away with it, the only reason he had to spend time in jail was because I lost it when they said they would let him out on timed served, I was able to give a victim impact statement... Finally, he ended up spending a year in jail on top of what he'd already served.
All too often, men get away with the assault or rape, we see it over and over and as women we wonder if it is worth it to be treated like we are liars and to feel the pain all over again. I think there is a shift with the #metoo movement and I think it is about time. Until we feel we are seen, heard and believed, nothing will change. I think we all need to share our stories, nothing is too small, we need to show everyone that we are strong, stronger than our pasts and that we stand together in unity with each other.

I've also been thinking about how I gave up my writing, something I love so much, whether out on the blog or privately, it is my place to write my truths, my pain, my joys... somewhere I can lay everything out, it is usually with the writing that the answers I have looked for have come to me... I feel like writing it out seems to show me the paths I have in front of me, they become more clear and I can make more informed choices. I often felt like writing but it meant putting stress on getting back into blogging fully. I don't know if I can handle that all at once but I will pick it up slowly again... Even though blogging seems to have slowed down a great deal in the past couple of years, I will always write, even if it's just for me...
It is Fall time in Nova Scotia, that perfect walking weather... I am going to purchase a walker so that I can get around a little, I am housebound and I have been holding off with the walker because I feel like it makes me feel like I am 80 but if I don't so something right now, when I am 80 I will be stuck in a bed all the time... I don't want that, I need to get my mobility back I need to not care what anyone else thinks...

I hope I can get around and visit everyone in the next week or so, I know many of you have left blogging and that will be a bit sad for me but life changes for us, things that are important at one time in our lives has to take a back seat to the new things that are going on.  My new motto is I Will Be Me...
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14 comments :

  1. You always have so many visitors that I'm thrilled and shocked to be the first to comment. Yay! So true, there's nothing worse than having to live a nightmare over and over again, and it's even worse when there is no support. Nothing wrong with watching Netflix and watching movies for a little while until we get our mojo back. You're such an excellent writer, and I always feel the things you talk about so much, which I appreciate. You also remind us that even when it's slow moving, we can get back to being who we are, and ready to take that next step. I appreciate you so very much, and you always motivate me. Hugs...RO

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  2. Me too, I appreciate your writing very much my dear Launna. I have loved watching you spread your wings to new opportunities and experiences. So, I was very happy to see your post today, as my only contact with you has been online for the past few years. I want you to know that caring so much about what other people thought of me was a real obstacle in my life. Thankfully, I managed to forge ahead to write and record my music, reinvent my life and find good, supportive people for friends, and a loving companion, despite the people who mocked me. People who inhibit your progress should have no stake in your life - be yourself, because SHE is beautiful!!! I love her...

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    1. I would love to check out your blog FreeSpirit59, I can't find a link to get there.

      Thank you for your very kind words, I truly appreciate them❤

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  3. I can’t imagine what you and other women have gone through. I wish we lived in a place and time where this type of behavior could not happen.
    R

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  4. Ok, I started writing and then is disappeared. I'm glad you are sharing your story. I hope you can continue to strive and go forward. Unfortunately, it's hard to stay balanced on so many levels.

    Recently, I've been using essential oils for my anxieties and aches and pains. I'm trying to do new things too, or possibly, just not giving up..as in sewing and those sort of things. I've even made Fire Cider.

    Many prayers for staying strong and staying active, even at home. Keep writing!

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  5. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to have the news of the day continue to stir up painful memories for you and others who have been assaulted or raped. Hugs to you, my friend. I'm glad you are back to writing, whether it is here or elsewhere. It can be a healing activity. Wishing you a good week.

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  6. Just coming over to send some cyber hugs! RO

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  7. hi dear, hi launna

    honestly i agree with you. i m just write for my pleasure event no body respect or read it, i m just happy write what i love. yups a little sad when the other went, may be this time for being youtuber :D lol

    but yeah i love it, so i cant let it go. just write make my day better. i m not sure will write regurally coz i have so much ting to do in real life being a momy :D but i love it

    i dont know how to tell you what i fell and think when my english so bad :C so i just can pray good well soon launna :)

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  8. Keep writing and sharing your thought with us Launna!!! And be you always!!! :)

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  9. So good to see and read this blog post from you.

    Fall time in Nova Scotia, sounds wonderful. I hope you do get to enjoy the wonderful season.

    Take care, and my good wishes

    All the best Jan

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  10. Hello dear Launna,
    its been a long time since, I have passed by your blog, really sorry. Life is sometimes busy. But yes we should always find time to write or pen a few lines, which really helps us to stay in tune with our inner self.

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  11. Quick peek! Happy Friday and hope you're feeling well today! RO

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  12. Dear Launna,
    I hope you are having a wonderful November and getting ready for a beautiful holiday. I hope you are staying well and your spirits are up and her surrounded by friendships and loved one. Stay strong! All the best to your writing!

    Peace,
    ellie

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  13. Dear Launna,
    So happy to see you back even though I was missing since August 2018. But I finally could get some time to pen down few thoughts.

    I am loving this #metoo movement that's kind of creating that lost courage in all women to come forth and share their pains. We all need that vent to bring out our pain and sorrows. I am glad it's happening now!
    Vulnerability is the next big thing. There's no shame and judgement in sharing the darkest things of your life. I feel that makes us stronger than ever we were.

    I love reading your words. There's so much Inspiration and motivation in every single word you use. So never stop inspiring us.

    Hugs,
    Epsita

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤