I have been thinking a lot today, thinking of the saying or poem "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all". Although the losing part is difficult the loving is always worth it. I have only ever loved one man and came close a second time. Each time it has been so worth it even if they haven't lasted. I am no longer trying to find the 'one', I think there is more than one person for each of us. I know this as although I thought it would be near impossible for me to ever care for another man as much as I cared for the man that I loved when I was 23. I did come to care for someone else almost as much, sometimes I think I could have cared more if given the chance.
I have come to see that I have been sabotaging myself this past few days, I have been eating so well and seeing results. At least I recognize that I have been doing that, I want much more for myself. I see the doctor on Friday and I am hoping for the good news of losing at least 20 pounds. I can't wait to even drop more, I just need to focus and continue to listen to my body and it will happen.
I was talking to a friend of mine today about how I feel like I have accepted less than what I have deserved in the past year when what I really want is everything. I did however; come to a conclusion today that I am no longer trying to find the love of my life to spend my life with. I am now looking for something even if it doesn't last forever. Because it is worth having love than never having it at all.
I am also thinking about how I want to make more changes in my life that will draw the things that I want into my life. So tired of having other things control me, I want to be the one to control my life. All of the changes I want to make are possible and they will all help me to be a better mama, a better sister, a better friend and a better worker. All of this will help me to draw to me what I have always wanted and desired.