I've Been Looking My Whole Life


I read a blog the other night by Dawn called  With wisdom gained it touched me deeply in my heart and I hope that what I write here will really convey what I felt.  She doesn't write often but when she writes it touches me deeply in my soul.  The first quote she had in the post had me crying and I continued to cry throughout the whole post.

“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin 
“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin - See more at: http://healingmorning.blogspot.ca/2014/02/with-wisdom-gained.html#sthash.bhNJ0P4t.dpuf
“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin - See more at: http://healingmorning.blogspot.ca/2014/02/with-wisdom-gained.html#sthash.bhNJ0P4t.dpuf
“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin - See more at: http://healingmorning.blogspot.ca/2014/02/with-wisdom-gained.html#sthash.bhNJ0P4t.dpuf
“You carry away with you a reflection of me, a part of me. I dreamed you; I wished for your existence. You will always be a part of my life. If I love you, it must be because we shared, at some moment, the same imaginings, the same madness, the same stage.” - Anaïs Nin - See more at: http://healingmorning.blogspot.ca/2014/02/with-wisdom-gained.html#sthash.bhNJ0P4t.dpuf

That is not a bad thing, it meant I really felt what she was trying to convey to her readers.  It really spoke to me because I actually knew what she meant, I have had this happen once in my life, the feeling of... Ahh... there you are, I have been looking my whole life for you... and losing that left me empty inside. 
She wrote this earlier in the week and I took a few days to digest it, really think about it... and although I lost that person who knew me inside out, they lost me too... it is rare, very rare to meet or find someone that you can be that close to, someone you can share all your inner thoughts with and not feel like you are being judged. 

It has been more difficult than anything I can write here but I cannot let losing this person out of my life harden me so that I don't give that same passion to someone who deserves it... if I allowed it to harden me because of the deep sadness it caused I will never be able to move forward and find it again.  I will find it again and that person will be deserving of what I will offer.

I remember when I was a very young girl and going through the trial of being raised by my ex step mother who did all that she could to beat me down, literally. I always knew there was something better and that I had to be strong enough to make it through all her craziness.  I believed once I was free of her that I would find someone special who would truly love me for who I was and not try to tear me down. 
People that do everything within their power to pull you down to their level are nothing but insecure and they feel undeserving of love.  What ultimately happens with them is that they lose what they fight so hard to keep... because attempting to destroy other people to keep what you want will never last.  Just ask my ex step mother, she lost everything eventually and ended up a lonely old woman with nothing. 

I refuse to be bitter, I refuse to give up and I refuse to let the smallness of other people take away my dreams, my hopes and my wishes.  This last six months have been a refining period in my life, one I have needed to grow... so that I will be ready to have that someone special who will come along and feel lucky and blessed to have found me.  They won't leave or give up because they too will remember that feeling... Ahh... there you are, I have been looking my whole life for you... and I will say... I have always been here... becoming the best me so that I can give the best of myself to you, just as he will want to give me the best of himself too.
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80 comments :

  1. It sounds like you have this all figured out. I think you are ready to find that special person and share your life with him now.

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  2. Nice :) <3
    See my new post on http://itistimeforwonderland.blogspot.com/2014/02/happy-moments.html

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  3. Hello Launna:

    We so much admire your courage in speaking out and expressing your innermost thoughts and feelings. This we know is not easy but, in so doing, we really believe that you are coming to know yourself and finding that peace and contentment which only comes from within. And we so agree how the words of other people can assist and inspire us all along life's road.

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  4. It's crazy how you can sometimes relate to how someone else feels, huh. I have that too sometimes. I read a quote from someone, and all I can think is 'dang, that is EXACTLY how I feel/am!'

    I think it's good that you're not letting the things from your past harden you or make you bitter. You seem to accept and deal with things, and use them to learn from and better yourself with.

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  5. Hey beauty love ur outfit and ur blog :) would you like if we follow each other on gfc and blog? let me know what do you think ? Regards from Bosnia ♥
    http://obsessionwithfashion.blogspot.com/

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  6. Yes it is very rare to meet someone that you can share yourself like that with BUT it's not an only one-time thing, meaning there are definitely others that you will find that with :)

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  7. Good night dear launna

    Not only her writing that thoching heart and make you cry..
    But your writing are teaching too..
    Hadweehh i can't to say...
    Sorry

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  8. God sure has his wings wrapped around you giving you courage and the strength to move forward, God will always be greatful that you trusted him faithfully . One day at a time . Baby steps,don't rush into anything be thankful for the doors that close , but be greatful for the ones that open. From Cindy Mulcahey

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  9. Don't stop yourself from trusting and searching for someone -- they are probably looking for you, too!

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  10. Very touching, Thanks for opening up to your readers.
    xx, Jodi
    http://highheelsandtutus.com

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  11. I admire and appreciate the way you write. :-)

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  12. So very touching Launna someone special is waiting for you...

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  13. I feel so fortunate to have found your blog. Your posts are always interesting, insightful, thoughtful...you are a wonderful person and I know you will find that special someone who will fill that void in your heart.

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  14. I loved reading this whole post, but I especially loved "becoming the best me so that I can give the best of myself to you". I knew someone who was always searching for love, but I told her she should focus on herself for awhile...that's exactly what I was talking about! I look forward to the day where I read about you finding your soul mate ;)

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    Replies
    1. Hey Launna! Just want to let you know that I added ways to get extra entries in my giveaway. I don't want you to miss out on that ;) xo

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  15. It's hard when the person trying to pull you down is family. So much damage gets done to so many other people though, when you try to be nice/do the right thing. It's a catch 22 sometimes...darned if you do, darned if you don't. :)

    It's nice that you're being positive, and having clarity with things in your life. Wishing you well as always. :)

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  16. Well-written post, Launna. When that someone special finds you, he will realize how wonderful you are, and he will be a lucky fellow.

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  17. This entire world have so much of the mess and full of the insecure people. No matter where we are at. nothing we can control, as us ourselves need to be strong and secure enough to show those people who messed and try to hurt us, that's they not allowed. There are so many out there spending of their lives with the mess and not smart enough how to figure that out which way and the right direction to go. I only can say, I really am sorry to those who, nothing that we can do but be secure ourselves and love ourselves and proud much more that we not one of them.

    For her post and quote, it does touchy feeling I can feel your heart Launna. you're smart woman I believe that you know what and how to dealing with all life trouble we all have to go through, we've always had the right to go to the better of our lives. I'm ins.

    You're so wonderful launna, You've got my strength and support. you aren't denied.

    Be strong as you could be Launna, I'll do just the same.

    :).xx
    Tanya

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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  18. Have a fabulous week dear!

    Stay in touch with me on BLOGLOVIN

    Love,
    FASHIONHYPNOTISED

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  19. everythink what you write isamazing, and You know what? I never love my hopes and dreams . . . have right we shouldn`t give up , never!

    hugs and kisses from your friend from Spain :)

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  20. Thanks for your thoughts Launna, appreciate it. Love that quote by Anais, she's really talking from the heart, I'd love to check her blog soon. Insecure people are the worst people to be around, got a friend before who's super insecure and she always tell me that whatever I do I'm not good enough, its so obvious that she's jealous of me. Now I stop communicating with her, she doesn't communicate with me too, these kind of people are not worth the mither and stress and we should avoid them. Have a great week Launna xoxo

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  21. Very lovely! Great post. Thank you for your comment on my blog. I'm following you now on GFC #324. Please follow back. Feel free to check out my outfit posts on MY LOOKBOOK

    Louisa Moje
    http://lapassionvoutee.blogspot.com

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  22. The entire post is so touchable,everything what you are writing about goes from your heart, I can feel your worries, pain and wisdom in every single word.... You are incredible strong woman Launna, I really enjoy reading your blog... Thank you for stopping by
    Have a very very great week!!!!!

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  23. Reminds me of Shakespeare's quote, "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

    Meaning people have roles they play which can make us stronger by defending ourselves from them or not getting involved in the hersay of others, as life is too short for that.

    We must do for ourselves.

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  24. Lovely post, thanks for sharing with us!
    effortlesslady.blogspot.ca

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  25. I am sorry you went through that hun. Nobody should have the right to bring down anybody. This world is full with people who like you said are insecure with themselves and their own life and instead of trying to change their life they just want to beat down other people and make them feel insecure with themselves.
    I personally loved this quote and appreciate you making this post.
    I'm sending you a cyber hug.
    Beautetude

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  26. Awww Launna....you know something? As much as i am sad that you went through all that in your life, I am glad it happened because if not for all that, you would not have been what you are today. I look up to you...you're seriously an inspiration!! Lodas of love to you!!! I know you're going to get nothing but the best!! <3

    http://anshul90.com

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  27. Wow, that is so touching!

    xoxo
    www.its-dash.com

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  28. lovely blog dear, I follow you,hope You follow me to. :*
    http://shopaholicbyilda.blogspot.com/

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  29. I love your post Launna, because your words really tal kling from the heart!!!!
    Oh Yes, they are so tuochable!!!
    Tnx for sharing, Kisses my dear!!!!

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  30. Amiga bom dia post maravilhoso tenha um dia glorioso.
    tenha uma semana abençoada.
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br
    Canal de youtube: http://www.youtube.com/NekitaReis

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  31. Beautiful post!!! Be happy and have a nice week!!!

    XOXO!

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  32. I hope that something good is waiting for us. I never know which is the good decision.
    Hugs and kisses

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  33. Thanks for your sweet comment :)

    Love, Aline
    http://www.fashionzauber.com/

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  34. i wish you a wonderful new week sweety!

    <3
    http://www.getcarriedaway.net/

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  35. It's hard keeping our heads up in the face of other people's cruelty, but if we don't no one else will either. I'm an optimistic-pessimist. I believe everything is going to go wrong, everyone is going to be mean... but deep down I really and truly hope that isn't true. I believe the good IS out there, it's just held down or back sometimes. But someday, eventually, it'll find us here and there, and we'll cherish it.

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  36. Wish you a beautiful week my dear!

    Stay in touch with me on BLOGLOVIN

    Love,
    FASHIONHYPNOTISED

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  37. I agree with Kyra. Take care, have a nice week!

    www.hungrycaramella.blogspot.com

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  38. Yes ,love the last Part of your Letter :)

    Happy Monday ,big Hugs ♡

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  39. I can relate to this. It's such a hard thing to put into words, isn't it? New follower here by the way. I am loving the way you write!

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  40. Launna,
    Thanks so much for your kind support to me. I really appreciate hearing from you and look forward to your comments so much! I so can relate to this post. Of course anyone being bitter from their past will affect their future in finding something healthy and wonderful. I believe putting out your thoughts in the universe out loud and saying what it it exactly you want, you will then get it. So, say out loud what you see for yourself and what you want and believe it. Eventually, it will come to you. I did this before I met my husband. I cried one night so badly and said out loud lying in bed exactly what I wanted in a man. I was so over the crap I had been through with men at the time. A month or two later, my now husband walked into my life. :) Everything from his image to the way he was with me was what I had put out in the universe that I wanted. You will have what you want. Just believe it and keep on doing what you are doing. :) Have a great Sunday Launna and talk soon!
    xx Easy Outfits, by Pip

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  41. Have a wonderful new week start Launna! thanks for everything!!!! xx!

    http;//www.attraction2fashion.com

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  42. I wanted to tell you that I love your posts, you reflexions help me too :)

    xoxo

    Necklace Giveaway now on the blog!!! // Sorteamos un collar!!!! Link
    Style and Paper
    Bloglovin
    Facebook

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  43. Amiga tenha um belo dia com muito sucesso.
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br
    Canal de youtube: http://www.youtube.com/NekitaReis

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  44. I have always known that you are an awesome person. How else would you write such inspirational work.
    Please take care of yourself.

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  45. lovely and helpful post, thanks for sharing. I would like to invite you to my blog, http://noveltyeye.blogspot.co.uk follow my blog on GFC & bloglovin xx

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  46. well said♥ people who enjoy pulling others down usually end up alone or surrounded by mean people. And it's quite logical. We all have to learn to give love first so we can accept love♥

    www.Lorietta.cz

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  47. touching post. it is sad that often we go from being strangers to friends to lovers and to strangers even after we have learned everything about eachother. ah, I guess most people come and go. some hurt more than others.

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  48. Thats life. People come and go! Nice post :)

    http://shareasecretmag.com/

    xoxo

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  49. (; Reb, xoxo.

    *Sul mio blog c'è un nuovo post, fammi sapere cosa ne pensi:
    http://www.toprebel.com/2014/02/ba-ba-baciami.html

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  50. I am kind of torn when it comes to the whole Soul Mate Theory & Love. I want to believe it, but Logic just keeps getting in the way... :)
    Very inspiring post!

    Follow the royal Peach!

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  51. Beautifully said as every time here! xo Caroline

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  52. Great positive attitude for your future, Luanna. Self love is important first and foremost.
    www.amemoryofus.blogspot.com

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  53. Hope you are feeling okay today Launna. I wish you a better day than yesterday and the day before! ox

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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  54. Amiga passando para ti deseja um dia espetacular e com muito sucesso.
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br
    Canal de youtube: http://www.youtube.com/NekitaReis

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  55. 'People that do everything within their power to pull you down to their level are nothing but insecure and they feel undeserving of love. ' these are such wise words and so true. i had to learn this too, after my relationship with my fiancée. he and his whole family pulled me down and from time to time i thought that i was the fault, i had to blame myself what i had to endure, but that's untrue. and those people who want to pull you down are simply dissatisfied with their own lifes and deserve our compassion.

    launna, everything will get better. one day there will come a person who deserves you, who deserves me. there's a time for everything, that's one of my favourites quotes from the bible. and very soothing. and true.

    and you've already got people who love you. think about your family, friends, your dear readers. you'll never walk alone.

    have a wonderful weekend.
    dahi

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  56. by the way i love your idea about writing good things into a notebook, but the jam jar filled with colourful papers is also a nice idea - why not try both? :)

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  57. Have a beautiful Wednesday dear Launna!

    Stay in touch with me on BLOGLOVIN

    Love,
    FASHIONHYPNOTISED

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  58. lovley post!

    http://www.mrsnoone.it/2014/02/choies/ kiss

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  59. I love your Blog
    Would you like us to follow each other ?
    if yes, just follow me and let me know so i can follow you back

    www.shaunasharp.com

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  60. How said to end up as a lonely old woman after a life of living the way she did. I am sorry you had to endure that process but glad your are able to write about it and have come out of that darkness. I know your daughters a blessed to have you because you are everything you never had and more.

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  61. lovely post, very inspirating. Thanks for sharing. This is my pray everyday: to be victorious in spite of...
    kss a lot
    =)
    new post:
    http://tupersonalshopperviajero.blogspot.com.es/2014/02/spanish-cosmetics-grupo-nueva-dietetica.html

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  62. Dear. I am so in live with our words.. You are so inspirating. Amazing. Love and Kisses Anna

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  63. Dear Launna, whatever you write is priceless. Everytime I read your post it touches my soul!! You create a magic with your words!! :)

    Hugs and kisses
    http://www.myglossyaffair.com/

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  64. Beautiful writings and sharing, coming true (through) your most inner thought and you express it very nicely!
    http://sepatuholig.blogspot.com/

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  65. Ciao bellissima!!!!
    Have a lovely day!!!!
    Kisses

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  66. Bom dia querida amiga Deus seja o teu guia e protetor.
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br
    Canal de youtube: http://www.youtube.com/NekitaReis

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  67. amazing...

    che belle foto ;)

    http://www.mrsnoone.it/2014/02/choies/

    kiss

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  68. Lovely! What a beautiful post sweetie!! <3

    Diana
    www.ManhattanImageandStyle.com
    New Blog Post: [Health Tips] Stay Fit While You Sit

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  69. (: REB, XOXO.

    *NUOVO POST SUL MIO BLOG, FAMMI SAPERE COSA NE PENSI:
    http://www.toprebel.com/2014/02/blue-cardigan.html

    ReplyDelete

I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤