I Had And Have A Choice

I'm going to talk about something that happened at church Sunday, I rarely discuss my religion on the blog and I'm not really going to start today... but I needed to explain how I was emotionally touched and it came from a lesson there.

It was about how we needed to listen and follow a certain path if we really wanted to be happy. I knew what they meant but it brought up emotions that I wasn't able to deal with as well as I had hoped... I broke down crying. I wanted to share my feelings with the other ladies there but I wondered if it would be too much for them.

This was because I thought about the many paths that I have followed in the past, many of them dark and empty, all because I was looking for peace and happiness. None of those paths I chose brought this to me, when a challenge came up in the past, I wasn't always strong enough to make the right choices...

I was dealing with the aftermath of my trials and my choices ended up having me fall deeper into darkness. There would be times I would have some clarity here and there, where I'd turn things around but none of them were real life changes as the next trial that would come along, I would fall back into old patterns.
I don't think most people knew how far I fell... it wasn't pretty, there were times I was out of control, so out of control... I couldn't even admit it to myself. It wasn't until this Christmas past that I gained a clarity that I had not felt for many years, where I came to understand that I could not continue on those paths... as I knew that no matter how hard I tried to cover the pain, it wasn't working anymore.

With that clarity came more trials then even I thought possible ... there has been incredible opposition but I knew this would happen as I can I see the trials for what they are and I am making other choices... ones that don't involve hurting myself anymore ... choices that are helping me to see even more clearly.

I remembered of course that I'm just human, I made mistakes, I will make more... ones that are hard to live with, ones that formed my future and although I can move forward and make better choices which I plan to and I have... I still have to live with the choices from the past.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe in true forgiveness and I have forgiven myself for the poor choices I made... most of them out of sheer sadness and depression... some made because I was beyond exhausted from lack of sleep and I knew of no other way at the time.

Regardless of the reasons,  I understand I was a hostage to my choices and that even though I had once thought I was free because I could make them, I was actually more unhappy because of them... Changing those choices brought me a freedom I needed.

I'd like to say that it is easier now but that's not so... but like that quote about it not being easy but it being worth it.. I believe that now. The greatest thing I learned was that I had and have a choice...
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72 comments :

  1. Once again a very thoughtful post Launna. I do agree, we do have choices, and some are much easier to make than others.We are always having to make choices and perhaps if we do choose wrongly or in-advisably then we must have the strength to choose again. Forever on-wards .....

    All the best Jan

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  2. The choices we make go a long in determining how our perspectives in life turn out to be. We always have a choice...thanks for the reminder!

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  3. Ciao, carissima Launna, mi piace come scrivi, nice post!!!

    WWW.ANGELICHIC.COM

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  4. Great post, è bello venirti a salutare nel tuo blog!!!

    WWW.ANGELICHIC.COM

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  5. Buon giovedì e a presto.Buon Lavoro!!!

    WWW.ANGELICHIC.COM

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  6. Thanks for sharing! It's so awesome we serve a God who not only forgives are bad choices but is accepting of us the way we are, then from there he changes and molds us into the person he planned us to be.

    God bless,
    XO, Claire
    Http://www.littlemissfashionqueen.blogspot.com

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  7. I definitely respect you for talking about your experience at church and with religion and while I understand you may not have wanted to tell them about your feelings and what you'd gone through, I think that is one place in life where people will be more understanding and truly there to help. We are all human and make mistakes so don't be too hard on yourself and learning that you have a choice is so important. :)

    Hope you're having a good week so far.
    xoDale

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  8. You know Launna, sometimes sharing is very hard. However, you never know how by sharing a personal experience you may be helping someone indirectly.
    I liked the honesty in this post.
    ..,and hey a little religion speak aint too bad :-)
    xx, Kazini Daily

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  9. Oh Launna, all those paths..even cold and dark...those had made you to be that woman, who understands life more. You have come light yourself! xoxo.....

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  10. Hey Luanna, we all make mistakes. I continue to stumble occasionally, but that's only humane.
    The trick, I've come to understand is what I do when I mess up.
    R

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  11. Dear, Launna, I think that all the choices we made have a great influence on our lives, but we can make new choices every day. I'm happy you now feel free. The best is yet to come.

    Jasmine ♥♥♥

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  12. Yes, you ALWAYS have a choice. But that doesn't mean that we can't forgive ourselves for bad choices that we made in the past. After all, we always have the choice to do better in the future.

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  13. Wow ,you write so clear and well ,i understand what you talk about and i feel your emotions! It is strong to share this with us ,want to hug you Launna ♡

    lovely Greetings!

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  14. I think I understood what you wrote about - yet I believe we shouldn't fear making choices!

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  15. Making good choices can be hard at times because it takes changing our old perspectives to get diffferent positive outcomes. Remembering your goals helps so much when you feel like you are going to fall into old negative patterens. Hope it gets easier anf better for you day by day.

    Love,
    Tania
    http://inspiremyfancy.blogspot.com/

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  16. Gorgeous. Gorgeous post, Launna! You always have a choice!

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  17. I'm so glad to see that you have a church family to lift you up and support you.. I am always so happy to see how brave you are with sharing your thoughts and emotions and lessons learned on your blog. You are REAL, and that's a rare thing these days. *hugs hugs* - www.domesticgeekgirl.com

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  18. Awesome! Thank you for sharing this to us and have an amazing Friday! :)

    xoxo;
    STYLEFORMANKIND.COM
    Facebook / Bloglovin

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  19. I love the first sentence end: you can always make new choices. For me sometimes it is difficult to do new choices, but I will improve that. Thank you for your lovely comments. xoxo

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  20. I will enjoy spring, although there was snow last week. xoxo

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  21. Just remember we are our own worst enemy and a much harsher critic of ourselves than others are of us. You have amazing inner strength -- keep going! hope it is a great weekend -- and maybe even a little warmer!

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  22. Hi my sweet Launna,
    I think you said a beautiful thing: we must forgive ourselves.
    We all make mistakes, but we all deserve to be happy. I'm glad you felt this emotion last Sunday (Church is a magic place for me). You are a beautiful person, please remember this always.
    Love
    Maggie Dallospedale Fashion diary - Fashion blog

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  23. Launna, you touched me again! Great thoughts darling! xx
    Margo Raffaelli

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  24. Un abbraccio e a presto.

    WWW.ANGELICHIC.COM

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  25. Launna I'm SO happy that you've been able to comment on my blog today! I really, truly appreciate that you didn't stop trying <3
    Regarding to this beautiful post, what you did is very important: being aware of your mistakes, realizing that maybe that path wasn't the best for you and most importantly, choose to change that, is something that takes a lifetime to many people. I bet the process must be hurtful and it's not something that you can change from one day to the next but as you said, it's not easy but it's worth it! Keep strong :)
    xx

    http://www.stylebydeb.com

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  26. Thought provoking. I can relate. We sometimes do things without thinking but it still was a choice. Even so, we must live with that choice. It's better to learn from it than sit back & dwell on it.

    :] // ▲ itsCarmen.com ▲

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  27. Don't let past mistakes cripple you, you are not your mistake. Remember no one on earth is perfect, learn from your mistakes and let it go so you can be certain it never happens again. Good day Launna!

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  28. I wish you had felt comfortable to reach out to someone at church. You can't be the judge of what is too much for someone to handle. With that thought you are being too hard on yourself. You deserve any opportunity to talk to someone. You never know, that one person might just be your angel.

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  29. I have made some bad choices but I refuse to let them steer my life.
    Thanks Launna

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  30. It's good to remember that we can always make our situation better by making better choices. It's always great to read you, Launna!

    Bella Pummarola

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  31. Dear Launna,

    I have made some not so good choices in my life, but I have moved on and do my best to not let my past choices and events govern my present moment. I try to live in the moment and enjoy the time, things and people that are in my life in the here and now.

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  32. Hi my dear Launna:). Ox. I am so sorry to hear that you've broke down at church and it must been hit you at the right spot:). When I'm at church I always a person who broke down easily no matter what reason I can easily cry just seeing other people in pain and listen to their stories. I'm a a sensitive person:). If I was there with you I probably crying with you:). Life is all about choice making and everyday of our lives is always some decision for us to make which way we want to walk through. Hope some snow's moutain is melting down:) over there Launna. How have you been this week? I'm super busy - meeting and meeting:). I'm picking up even more busy with our family moving! I'm not looking to that a millions boxes packing:).

    Have a lovely weekend to you:).

    Tanya
    http://attraction2fashion.com

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  33. Hi Launna. Thank you for sharing all this! My heart goes out to you for what you’ve been through even if some of it was self-inflicted. I think your approach and attitude are really positive, and I know it isn’t easy at all to maintain. I sure understand having to live with choices from the past. There’s a huge choice I made a couple decades ago and that choice caused a domino effect of events that were not what I ever wanted. It’s too late for me to walk away from it now and when I feel blue about the way things turned out, I just work hard to refocus, find something positive. I always love the quotes you add to your posts, they are so meaningful! My favorites here are your quote on cherishing, accepting and dreaming, and the Deepak Chopra quote. Btw, I love your profile picture, so pretty, you look awesome! Have a great weekend! xox

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  34. We all must learn from our mistakes.... you are so strong Launna, and I love your positive attitude! You are so real!!! Thamks for sharing with us your experience!!!!
    Have a Lovely friday!
    xo Paola
    Expressyourself
    My Facebook

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  35. Beautiful post Launna...so thoughtful!
    xoxo
    Shipra

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  36. Stunning post!
    Have a nice day!
    Photographer Gil Zetbase
    http://www.gilzetbase.com/

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  37. I'm happy you have identify your darkness and are working towards getting out of it. Happy weekend!!
    www.effortlesslady.com

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  38. You need to have a good cry sometimes and let it out - you let out so much more than you think!
    Keep being strong and positive and write it all out xxx

    www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

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  39. Its nice that you got clarity about life. Trials will always be there, but we need to learn from them and move on. Easier said than done of course. Glad that you are moving on :)

    http://everythingthatclicks.blogspot.com

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  40. Always come back for more inspiration. Your blog is so motivational! Thank you!

    Have a wonderful weekend! xo
    ♥ www.thekawaiiplanet.com

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  41. So so true, when you put things into perspective and reflect on past actions, you realize how down and out you were but now you know better and now you can keep forging forward and becoming stronger as you head down the path suited for you. :)

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  42. The best thing we can do when we realize we've made some bad choices is to acknowledge them, forgive ourselves, and move on. I believe every path we take, whether it's the "right" one, a detour, or a dead end is a path worth exploring, because altogether, those paths and decisions teach us about the kind of person we want to be.

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  43. Am loving the quotes you have on this post,they have a really great message so as your post.
    The choices we make now will surely define our future so its upon us to try and make the most correct choices
    Have a blessed weekend

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  44. The first quote...that certainly is wonderful, isn’t it? That even though we may have made wrong choices in the past, we all get a new day to forgive, to make changes in the world, to become a better person. I realize how fortunate I am to have a life….no matter the arising conflicts, there is still so much beauty in the world, so many things for me to be thankful for.
    I’m so sorry for what you have gone through, Launna. I can scarcely imagine it, what it must have felt like to have fallen like that….
    It’s true that although we get new chances each day, we still have to live with the effect of the choices we’ve made in the past. It’s not something that can just be erased, but that’s the beauty in it all, I think. There are choices that we regret, choices that can haunt us in the future. But then there are choices that we make to change things around, to be at peace within ourselves. It shows truly how much we’ve grown as people, and that no matter the circumstances, if we really do believe in something, we can get things done.
    It isn’t easy, life. We make good choices, we make horrible mistakes. But at the end of the day, it’s really how you are going to continue to approach things from the lessons you’ve learned, from the journeys you’ve endured.
    Such a thoughtful post, Launna. You understand life so well, and I always feel much more human or “full”, in a sense, after reading one of your posts <3

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  45. Sleep deprivation can definitely cause you to make the wrong decisions. I love your line, " I was a hostage to my choices"---that is sooo true for many of us. <>

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  46. I generally don't blame myself too much for bad choices. I justify it by saying it was the best I could do or all I knew at the time...and I know that at times of being extremely depressed I can't hold myself to a particularly high standard. What I struggle with is to break the cycle of bad choices and to change- depression just keeps you stuck for years and years on end.

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  47. I guess I would say, that making good or bad choices is all part of the path we take in life. It all depends on how we actually react to the bad path. Do we just say, yes we made a mistake and fix it? Or do we curl up in a ball and fall into depression about it?

    Choices is what makes us free and independant, and what gives us life experiences to be able to tell others what might happen if they make the same mistake. Then it's up to that person to avoid it, or go for it. Nice post Launna, and thanks for the message which I will respond to soon.

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  48. Great post Launna...great insight. You are an inspiration Girl. Have an amazing weekend. Sending you a ton of hugs.

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  49. the thing about the past is that it would loom above us if we allow it to. But you know we would always have a choice to let it go and move forward and let the past become the past. That's I am always thankful every morning that I had the chance to wake up again becuase it means i have another chance to make amends of past mistakes =) great post... mentioned you on my new blog post. thaks for the support =) http://anotsosecretlife2011.blogspot.com/

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  50. Hind sight is pretty clear, but unfortunately we have to make those mistakes first before we can see that. Great post, Launna!

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  51. Bello post, siempre hay como tomar nuevas decisiones para ir por el buen camino.

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  52. A very thought provoking post :) Nicely written !

    Those quotes are awesome. We have to be careful with the choices however minor that we make each moment. Those who have understood how to do it early enough in life become contented and happy eventually.

    Well, no matter what our age is, we always can reclaim; it is a choice :)

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  53. Don't know what happened to you in the past but I can see is that you are a really brave and amazing determined woman and I really hope you can find peace and happiness some days <3

    See you Launna xx

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  54. The past is sometimes far away from us (as we are in the present I mean) It's difficult for me just to imagine how you could be in the past. When I read your blog I realize the way you've improved your life and I really admire to you due to it
    kss a lot
    http://tupersonalshopperviajero.blogspot.com.es/

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  55. I can so painfully relate to this, but I am glad that we almost always have the choice to make things better and you are making that choice.

    All the best wishes!

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  56. Your posts are always really great and beautiful!

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  57. I didn't know that you older daughter was Andrea. I haven't gone to the church in the last time. xoxo

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  58. It is hard to reflect on the choices we've made, especially..when all we can see is the rut we are in. Beautiful post!

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  59. Mistakes are there to remind us to be wiser in making our next choices. I'm happy that you're getting there Launna.

    And I like this new blog template of yours! :)

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  60. An inspiring post, thanks for sharing.

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  61. You are a wise and strong girl who have given so much thought to things you do now and have done in the past. I wish that I was there when in the church ( of all places) you felt that you could break down. However I am so happy and proud that you were able to pick up and become strong all over again. You are an inspiration to a lot of us. Great post.

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  62. The great thing is that we can make new choices all the time. I agree with you that it is important to forgive ourselves for some of the choices we are not proud of because we really need to understand what caused us to make those choices It sounds like you are being very reflective and that is helping you to make better choices. Keep up the wonderful work. Have a beautiful week!
    ~Jess

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  63. I honestly believe that anything you do is the only thing you CAN do at that moment and what you NEED to do at that moment. no matter how much you regret it in hindsight. there is a lesson in all of this. and yes, we can choose differently every day. every moment. which is the beauty in all of this. xoxo

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤