I have been thinking about how disappointed I was, that once again, someone wasn't who they portrayed themselves to be... I told my sister I just wanted to throw the towel in and give up on dating... I feel like I take care of myself, yet men choose women the opposite of me... My sister told me that she will never give up on love no matter what and although I have been burned many times over, I have to agree with her... I am not giving up on love either.
I may not hop back on the dating site for a few months but I will go there again and I will be more discerning than ever. Honestly the guy is going to have to prove he is worthy of dating me, I don't want some guy who just talks the talk... he has to walk the talk too... when I made my profile in the past I don't think I was specific enough, I am going to be choosier... I am willing to give the best of myself to someone and I expect the same in return.
Just a very quick update, I have been walking a lot and enjoying it, I plan to walk every day I possibly can without excuses... and the best part is that I am eating consciously, I am not eating to numb myself. With that of course comes a lot of emotions I have to deal with... definitely not easy but when has change ever been easy? Of course no one wants to feel pain, sadness or disappointment but as awful as those feelings are they are the only way to grow.
When I have decided to numb those feelings in the past, all I did was prolong the pain and I stayed in the same spot of sadness, which stopped me from growing. This week as I walked I thought about how I just needed to push through so that I would no longer be standing in the same place anymore... I honestly cannot go another year and look back... to see that I have not progressed again because I was unwilling to feel the emotions that have been holding me back.
I don't want to build those walls around me anymore, yes I know that is more than likely inviting more pain into my life but I am hoping eventually it will invite the joy I want too... I read the quote above over the weekend and although I have read it many times in the past, it resonated with me as I could see that each wall I built around me in the last few years didn't really protect me, they actually made me more sad.
So, I decided this week that instead of building walls, I am breaking them down... and giving myself the chance to heal... With that comes one very important thing I have to do... I have to really forgive someone that I have been unable to forgive up until now... which has upset me as I am really a very forgiving person and holding onto this anger for her has just held me back. Besides the truth is that what we give out comes back to us... I want to give forgiveness and love...
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