Gratitude For What I Have And What I Lost

Sometimes it seems like I never have enough time in the day, between working, walking and having a little down time... I have a desire to write but it always gets put on the back burner for other things. When I first started really writing in early 2012, I wrote nearly everyday and I did this for almost 2 years of my life. Sometimes I wonder how I did that but it was something I needed to do to heal my heart, that is what writing does for me.

I rarely go back and read those posts I wrote a few years ago because they were raw and bring back memories of a time I believed in dreams that never came to pass... I read a couple of them this week and although they were very sad at times I also saw that I have grown more than I ever thought I was capable of... There were days back then where I wondered how I would or could make it through. Days I was sure that my life would never get to a point where I could ever believe in anything again. 
I had a couple of defining moments, one was when I finally decided I was tired of the excuses as to why I could not lose weight ... for the first time in my life I shelved every single one of them and put my whole heart and soul into me... I believed in myself, I saw my successes and each day I begin to know more and more that I could and would succeed. The second was losing 'him', I cannot even convey the pain I dealt with... words could not describe it... although I still miss 'him' I gained closure that I was unsure I would ever find.

I even think one day I will know why I had to go through that loss, there has to be a bigger reason, I will get the a ha moment out of the blue and smile to myself and think... that was why. Until then I rarely let myself think about 'him' or the past ... he pops in and out of my mind but I don't let 'him' reside there for too long. Usually I get up and go out for a long walk... it clears my mind and I gain focus again. One thing I learned is that although you can have a best friend as we were, you can only rely on yourself, people change. 
This is a difficult weekend for me as it is the anniversary of the fire where I was burned so badly at 15 months old and where my sister died... that catastrophic event changed my families life and challenged us all. Even though we lost so much that day, I still work on finding gratitude for what I have and what I lost... I survived and I thrived... 

Yesterday I went for a long walk, part of me was trying to convince myself that first I could skip a day and then second I only needed to do a couple of miles but I didn't listen to that part, I walked for almost 6 miles and I felt gratitude that I didn't give up, I pushed myself even though part of me didn't believe I could... It was an accomplishment that showed me, each day I wake up and make a choice to be better than I was the day before, I fought against all the odds and became a strong person who refuses to give up.
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101 comments :

  1. Hey Launna, great to hear from you again, after some time. I'm glad you realized everything that happened to you these past few years, all had its own reasons.

    You've gone through it, walked over it, and you survived. You can inspire many out there who always easily give up with life when there is a little set back happened into their life. I'm glad too that you believed in yourself and followed what your heart was saying. Keep believing and listening to your heart! It would bring you wonder! ^^

    Wish you have lots brighter days ahead and be happy! Take care!

    Love,

    Rima :)

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  2. memories especially the one that bring tears keep haunting but, keep going. take care.

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  3. Always do heartbreaking and deep. As if we can see right through your soul.

    Mrsinlondon.co.uk

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  4. You're so brave Launna and I admire you a lot!
    It's very important believed in ourself! And... your posts are always so inspiring!!!
    Kisses, Paola.

    Expressyourself

    My Facebook

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  5. Indeed Launna, everything happens for a reason. And everything has a positive point of view too. Glad that you survived it and inspire us all

    New Posts - OOTD - Bluestone Peacock Collection

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  6. Hi dear friend excellent Writing. God Bless you
    http://grabbit.com.pk/

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  7. Lots of Love and Hugs for you Launna! You are very often on my mind, i wish the best for you ♡

    lovely Greets from Vienna!

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  8. All the best launna. Always remember that it gets worse to get better.
    wendeeisaacs.com

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  9. We are all work in various stages of progress but as long as the work is on its just great. You are inspiring Luanna. The more I read here the more I realise that.

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  10. Beautiful Launna, I see your growth too and though you say dreams that didn’t come to pass, I don’t see that you are deterred. I’m proud of your diligence. You are a very strong woman! That’s an excellent model for your daughters and for people who read you who are where you were two years ago.

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  11. Your growth has been nothing less than remarkable.

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  12. So good to read ..that you pushed on. Everyday is a new day and yet it does feel it gets old at times, the thing we go through to make the day. I'm glad to read your blog and your words too. All the best!

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  13. You are such a wonderful inspiration to many out there...always remember that dear! So never ever give-up. Even if we try harder, life is used to taking us back to our past painful memories; but I quietly smile at myself and realize- how bravely I have traveled so far; and so are you. Certain things will never fade away from our heart, but we can give them a makeover, make them look good by transforming the way things will happen next to you.

    Have A Great Smiling and Happy Week~~
    xoxo
    Epsita

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  14. This post is sad, but at the same time so hopeful about the future, lovely :)

    - Che

    www.style-che.com

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  15. I’m proud of your diligence feel free my web blog here socialbookmarklist

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  16. "memories of a time I believed in dreams that never came to pass"

    That is such a profound line, and pretty much the story of my life.

    I agree about writing as a way of finding healing and clarity. Sometimes my blog gets very heavy, but I know it can't be heavy all the time, so I look for things to write about that are also just mundane, or stupid, funny, or nothing in particular.

    Hope you are feeling better, yay for exercise!

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  17. Fantastic post dear! Hope you have a lovely day.

    ** I'm inviting you to join Love, Beauty Bloggers on facebook. A place for beauty and fashion bloggers from all over the world to promote their latest posts!

    LATEST POST: ColourPop Ultra Matte Lips Review, Photos and Swatches
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  18. Thanks for stopping by! Oh gosh, always be who you are and write honestly, heavy or not!
    I guess what I meant to say is that writing down the other stuff helps just as much as writing down the crappy stuff. Goodness knows I have done that plenty...but also incorporating other things helps me focus on other things too. If you feel light, write light. If you feel down, write about that. It all makes up life. You are doing great, be proud of yourself and thank you for sharing your journey. Sending you good vibes! <3

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  19. Launna,
    life has been so hard with you, I didn't know you were burned... May I tell a pray for you?
    A big hug from Italy :)

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  20. Hello!

    This is my first time here. Sending loads of love and hugs your way all the way from India. It isn't always easy to look for the positive especially in times of adversity. Very few people are able to do that. Being grateful for the things we have and counting our blessings is a rare feat. Cheers to your resilience!

    Best Wishes,
    Divya

    http://stardustsprinkles.blogspot.in

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  21. Very nice! have a Good day! kiss! 🍄🍁🍂🌂☔

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  22. Hi my sweet Launna,
    I think you are amazing and brave. I really admire you, because you are strong.
    Kisses,
    Maggie Dallospedale Fashion diary - Fashion blog

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  23. I love how honest you are in your writing !
    xoxo

    www.sorananistor.com

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  24. Launna
    Thoughtful and quite inspirational post.
    You have done so well over some extremely difficult years.
    It is so important that through bad times we continue to move forward, which of course isn't easy.
    Keep moving forward - thinking of you

    All the best Jan

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  25. You have come a long way Launna, I'm so proud of your progress! Keep on walking forward my friend, good things are around the corner!

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  26. I am sorry it was a hard weekend filled with painful memories. But as I read the rest of the post all I can think of is the old commercial "You've come a long way baby!" Now keep going!

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  27. These quotes are great, Launna! I agree with Janice, you have indeed come a long way and I, too, am very proud of how far you have come. Sending you a hug.

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  28. I'm so proud of you and I am so very sorry to hear about your losses x

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  29. Launna. I'm a person who love riding a roller coaster once and again and that made me tough and strong. I'm still think we all do and it's life that we called. Life is so colorful, you know all, black, white and of course blue:). You will smile and laugh out of the blue Launna. We all do walk pass by what life have to offer:) painful, hurt, romantic, thousand of dramas we been through and still on going. You've come along the way and see how far you are now today. I'm here with you Launna. Hope you a lovely week:). Oxoxo

    Tanya
    http://attraction2fashion.com

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  30. Your strength shines through in your writing, and it's one of the reasons I enjoy it so much. I'm sorry about the difficult weekend. It sounds like you worked through it in the healthiest way possible. Hope this week is better!

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  31. I love your spirit of not giving up! Hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving.
    www.effortlesslady.com

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  32. Dear Launna, you become stronger every single day. I hope this week brings you happiness.

    Jasmine xx

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  33. I'm sorry you relived those bad memories :-( But good for you for always pushing through and not making any excuses!

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  34. Well dear Luanna, I think you should look at your past with no sadness, but full of pride!
    Even if thinking at these days bring you sad memories, you're a survivor, and you choose to become a better, stronger person instead of settle the role of "victim"!
    I'm absolutely sure that there is something really great waitin for you! You definitely deserve it! :)
    xxx
    S
    http://s-fashion-avenue.blogspot.it

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  35. Your resilience is astounding Launna. You are so strong and courageous it amazes me how you bounce back from all the difficulties you face in life. Take care friend x

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  36. I am sad and happy for you, sad because I read that you had big painful events in your life, happy because I read that you became over the years a strong, confident woman, I wish you all the best Launna.

    La Flò ♥ blog

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  37. I am glad you survived the fire, but am so sorry that your sister didn't. It must've been a horrible experience for you! You are a very resilient woman!

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  38. Oh my! You are a strong soul, Launna, and have jam packed a lot of living, learning and thriving into your life. You are an inspiration to all your readers.

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  39. I have said this before and I will say it again, you are strong, you are very inspiring and I want you to know that you make me want to be and do better. You went through a lot and damn, you went through some really testing and tough times that would have easily broke others but you prevail and you rose to the occasion time and again.

    You are strong to go back and revisit your past, Launna. I cringe and feel pain whenever I think back of my past. Unfortunately I wasn't the nicest person and whenever I look back, I feel so much shame and sadness about the people that I've hurt in the past. But it definitely made me more determined to be a better person today.

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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  40. Que maximo sempre arrasando na postagem amei,
    tenha uma semana abençoada.
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgeQXJjUpSQ
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/

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  41. I think it is great that writing is so healing and therapuetic for you! It is important to find somethigng like that!
    www.amemoryofus.com

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  42. Good reflection. Sometimes we have to shelve inhibitions and limitations to really push ourselves, mind body and spirit to achieve what we want!

    Always reflect and be thankful for another day of breath! <3 Much love, as always. :)

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  43. Launna time and time again you show your strength in not only living it but also sharing it with us. You have definitely brought a lot of inspiration int o my life and I only hope to better myself too.
    xoxo

    Beautetude

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  44. Isn't it crazy going back and looking at old posts? Sometimes it can be heart wrenching.. but always edifying. *hugs* Thank you for always being so brave and sharing your thoughts so selflessly! <3 - www.domesticgeekgirl.com

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  45. Beautiful, you have been through so much, I didn't know some of it and I am so sorry. You are so brave and the way you look at situations is inspiring. Here for you always.

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  46. It was really nice reading this Launna. I feel you! I think that everything really happens for a reason and God's plan is way better than ours. And so, sometimes, the most painful moment we experienced is the beginning of a much better life moments. :) Also, you are so right. You can only rely on yourself... Anyway, I wish you all the best in life and Good luck! :D

    xoxo, rae
    http://www.raellarina.net/

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  47. Que maximo postagem maravilhosa tenha um lindo dia
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgeQXJjUpSQ
    Blog:http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/

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  48. I am so sorry, I didn't know you had such a traumatic event in your childhood... it must have been a painful recovery at such young age.

    But look at you, you are so strong.. you mastered many challenges!!!
    And I am glad to know you as much as I do through this blog. :)

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  49. You can’t change how people feel about you, so don’t try. Just do what you want, be happy, live your life to the fullest and prove them wrong. You are a proof that you can learn something from every experience in life. You won the world over with your inspiring life stories and honesty! I know great things are coming your way! Have a nice day Launna. <3

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  50. Oh sweet. Hugs. So sorry for that trauma in your childhood. Be strong and yes, write. Don't put it on back burner...start now. Put pen to paper.

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  51. Definitely a hard time. Writing can be so therapeutic, eh? My mom caught on fire when she was young too and suffered third degree burns and skin grafts. Fortunately she didn't lose a sibling because of it, but it left a lasting impression on her. These things change us, if not for the better, to whom we're supposed to become. Here's to rising above our sad times.

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  52. A good long walk always helps to clear my head too. Nicely written post. Your words are always so inspiring to me. I hope you are having a good week. :)

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  53. What I read in this post is extemely hard and I see how you've got over circunstances. I wish you've a nice week Launna.
    kss
    new post: http://tupersonalshopperviajero.blogspot.com.es/2015/10/americanas-medida-online.html

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  54. What a hard anniversary to go through. I can understand why you almost didn't go for your walk, but I am happy for you that you stuck with it and proved something to yourself. You are an inspiration! :)
    ~Jess

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  55. Wow! I barely made it through one mile today on my first day back on the fitness track. Such a great accomplishment that you got in 6 miles and that you do it daily. I wish I could, I am making a huge effort with my fitness and healthy eating starting this month. I shopped for greens and veggies too. Trying to cut out all the sugar I take in as well. Not all but most. I have goals which are keeping me motivated! I am happy for you Launna, and I know too well what loss feels like. Love the quote you wrote in the beginning and feel so strongly about it. Can't wait to do a fitness post myself. Sending you good vibes!

    Much Love,
    Tania
    http://inspiremyfancy.blogspot.com/

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  56. I agree. Writing is cathartic for me too. I wish I had just an inch of your strength and positivity. I'm so glad I found you.

    M xx
    Come say hi: Lois Lennon

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  57. I didn't know about the fire, or your sister. I'm really sorry that happened to you, her and your family. :( As for seeing growth, that is a wonderful way to use your writing. Good for you, for seeing the positive, Launna, from writing that at that time came from hurting.

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  58. Dear Launna,
    after working, today, I'll go for a walk downtown Milan (it's not a lovely landscape as yours) and I'll be thinking of your posts and your wonderful super long walks :)))
    A big hug from Italy!

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  59. I am so sorry that you had painful experiences♥♥ Hope you have a great week♥♥4

    summerdaisy.net

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  60. I read now your post, I understand you more right now. You told me about the fire. I wish you all the best. xoxo

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  61. I love writing bt nt everyday in the past i hv written not so good things abt my life.. I rarely write nice things even today perhaps i m suffering from a phase of depression & this is not a disease but one has to keep oneself happy by being thankful to whatever god has given me.. I like that u dnt give up on ur walking my health is so poor that i am not able to walk regularly... Hope u have a wonderful weekend xoxo

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  62. Aquela bebida é fantástica. Estou adorando os resultados.

    É triste ver um post sendo copiado... Fiquei chateada! Mas vou ficar de olho. Se a pessoa continuar eu vou denunciar o Blog!

    Launna, eu acho que já te disse isso, mas volto a repetir: Você é forte! Vejo que passa por momentos intensamente complicados, porém consegue se fortalecer com isso.

    Ótima quinta!

    Beijo! ^^

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  63. i love long walks,they are good for clearing ones mind
    Cheers

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  64. Loosing a sister at such a tender age is like being robbed off a treasure that can never be replaced. Also getting burned must have been a horrible experience. You are indded very brave and very gracious.
    I have not been able to read or write. like you say, working takes a lot of time and now I am commuting a lot as well as I am sent to different locations.

    If you like to write fiction NANOWRIMO will be coming in a couple of weeks. I am planning on writing but I am not sure that I will be able to keep up. I like to read more than I like to write. Hopefully I will be able to catch up as we might slow down at work.
    Take care of yourself.
    Hugs
    So glad that you had a chance to grow up as you are a great inspiration.

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  65. it's so great to hear or rather read with how much grace you are handling all of life. I let the excuses run wild in the past weeks. it's time to take some inspiration from you and get going again. sending lots of love your way xo

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  66. Glad you survived and thrived. So sorry you lost your sister in the fire. I haven't exercised in a few weeks. I'm inspired to get up and go thanks to you.
    http://fashionablyidu.blogspot.com/

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  67. Laura I wish you a wonderful, amazing weekend, dear.
    Sincerely, Flò.

    La Flò ♥ blog

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  68. Anniversary dates of some of the more trying events in our lives can evoke pain every year, but sometimes it helps to reframe them. As horrible as the fire was, it didn't just mark a terrible tragedy for your family. It also marked the beginning of you becoming a strong survivor, something you have re-proven time and time again. That is cause for gentle celebration. If not celebration, then gratitude. Have a wonderful weekend, kiddo.

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  69. Que maximo amei a postagem arrasasou, bom final de semana.
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgeQXJjUpSQ
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/

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  70. Launna, thank you so much for reminding us all that we have things to feel gratitude for. I didn't know the story of that tragical fire, and I'm deeply sorry for your family's loss and for what happened to you. I honestly can't believe how strong you are after all you've been through. I'm not exaggerating when I say you're an inspiration.
    Also, there was a phrase in this post that really struke me: "I even think one day I will know why I had to go through that loss, there has to be a bigger reason, I will get the a ha moment out of the blue and smile to myself and think... that was why." I felt like you put in words something I was feeling but never expressed in this way. For some reason I felt really identified with that part.
    As always, thanks for sharing your thoughts, dear.

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  71. É tudo tão breve
    Habitamos as pedras
    Inventamos sonhos
    Vislumbramos quimeras

    Mas, falemos dos suspiros dos pássaros
    Falemos de ti
    Nas irreprimíveis asas dos anjos
    Na noite primeira dos mil encantos



    Um radioso fim de semana



    Doce beijo

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  72. nice quotes sweetie
    would you like to pass from my blog?
    I wish you an happy day
    a big kiss
    <<< fashion blogger >>>

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  73. I never knew about the fire or about your sister! Have you ever blogged about this? My heart goes out to you. October is a rough month for me, too---I love fall and I love celebrating my birthday this month....but my sister also died on Halloween, so it has never been the same for me. I hope one day you can share your story. So much of what happens to us when we are young (the tragedies) shape who we are today.

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  74. Amazing post!
    Have a nice week-end!
    Gil Zetbase
    http://gilzetbase.com/

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  75. I'm hoping you've had a good week. With STRENGTH & ENDURANCE. As one woman told me yesterday, "Winter is coming!" Just one more element to hold us back, from time to time. Hope your weekend is blessed.

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  76. Something weird happened while I commented and I'm pretty sure my initial comment didn't go through. It's so nice to see you back, I missed your honest and inspiring posts. I feel the same about writing, my mind is always so much more clearer after I write what's bothering me down :) Being grateful is one of the most important things, once people understand that they will be a lot happier!

    Fashionably,
    Patricia
    http://www.wingsforliberty.com

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  77. Great quotes again xxx
    www.travelera.es
    Instagram @travelera.es

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  78. yes. I always believe that there is no strong person out there who has an easy path. good things awaits <3

    keep in touch!
    http://chasingculprit.blogspot.com/

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  79. I agree on you on the writing bit Launna! I'm sorry I've been really late to come visit you but you are on my mind. Its been a crazy past couple of weeks with sorting with pictures, edits and shooting new content and I'm happy I'm finally able to come visit you today and say Hi!
    Nilu Yuleena
    BIG hair LOUD mouth

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  80. Welcome back Launna. You've been through a lot, but all that comes from within you is positive messages -that means a lot. I hope and wish you more strength for today and always lovely.

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  81. Oh wow! I didn't know that. Stay strong this weekend. It's a blessing to have you in the world. <3 Also, I'm so proud of you for reaching goals you never thought you would! Strong and still going! :D

    Blessings,
    Christine
    www.beyoutifulhope.blogspot.com

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  82. Those are the best moments when you realize that something bad that happened to you happened for a reason. I'm sure it will all make sense in the end.

    Bella Pummarola

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  83. Great blog!
    Would you like to support each other by following each other´s blog? ^_^

    Et Omnia Vanitas

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  84. Passando pra ti desejar uma boa tarde
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgeQXJjUpSQ
    Bloghttp://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/

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  85. Very well!!!

    Have a nice evening!
    Angela Donava
    http://www.lookbooks.fr/

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  86. That's a beautiful perspective, Launna. We need to be grateful even of our misfortunes sometimes because through it, we get better and braver. :)

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  87. To be honest, I don't think everything that happens has a meaning or a reason. Not necessarily. Sometimes shit just happens and bad things happen to good people, for no reason. But that doesn't mean they can't make you stronger.

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  88. Dear Launna,
    I wish to wake up in the morning and try to be better than the day before as you do. It's so challenging for me, it's a tough period.
    I send you my best hug from Italy :)))

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  89. Launna, you're so brave! I have so much respect for you. Please be strong and stay strong.

    xxx Linsey from POSE-BLOG.com

    You can also check my BLOGLOVIN & FACEBOOK if you like! :)

    ReplyDelete

I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤