I Am Bent But I Am Not Broken

This week ended up being a lot to deal with, first my leg is still injured... when I saw the physio therapist the week before I promised myself and her that I would do anything that she asked of me. She had given me exercises that I have done every morning and night, I slowed my walking down and I walked much less then I normally do... yet there is no change. It has become almost unbearable to walk and I ended up searching for my cane that I had to use a few years ago. 
 
I started thinking about people that have chronic pain and I felt so much empathy for them, here I am with a pain that it almost certain to pass eventually... yet I am not dealing with it very well... how do people deal with this all the time, everyday? With no light at the end of the tunnel... yet I know people like this in my own life and many of them handle it with very little complaining... I am in awe of them.  
Next I had moment at work where I did not handle myself well... it was many things, all the changes, the pain in my leg and the time of the year (The Christmas holidays are not happy for everyone). Thankfully I have very understanding people that I work with and they were able to alleviate some of the stress I was dealing with. It will still be a bit trying as it is coming into year end, one of the busiest times of the year for payroll but at least I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel now... unfortunately I had to have a bit of a meltdown... however; I am sure we have all had a moment when we had to much going on at once. 

Then of course this time of the year has not been good for me, it is a constant reminder of what I almost had and what I lost. I know that by holding onto that sadness, it only holds me back from what the future has to offer. There were times I thought I had got over hump and I could see a different path to take but then I'd have times that brought it all crashing back. Acceptance is extremely important to moving on and it is one of the most difficult things for me to master. 
I am well aware that my future has nothing to do with my past anymore, it hasn't for a long time... deep down I don't even long for what I felt was to be my future, as time has proven to me that no matter how happy I was then, it couldn't have been a long lasting happiness as I have come to know things about 'him' that would have bothered me over time. Things I would not have been able to brush aside... and no, he isn't a bad person by any means, he really is a kind and sweet man... however; he doesn't have it him to forgive people that make mistakes. I need the person in my life to be forgiving as unfortunately I am going make mistakes, like anyone else. 

That was a tough lesson for me to learn, one that nearly broke me in the past few years... I had refused time and time again to see 'him' as he really is... I wanted to remember 'him' the way I had dreams about 'him'... if I really saw 'him' as he was, I would have to admit that I am the one that is responsible for the challenges I have had to deal with... no one but me. I couldn't hold anyone accountable, not 'him'... not her... just me... With that realization I also knew I could change the future, as I am bent... but I am not broken.
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65 comments :

  1. You will feel better my dear Launna. Wishing you all the best!

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  2. You are right, Christmas isn't happy for everyone! I have thought about blogging about exactly that this Christmas. It took me a long time to take back Christmas and enjoy it. I haven't forgiven or forgotten but I have stopped letting it get in the way. Not easy.

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  3. What an inspiring post! Sometimes we feel broken, but we are only bent and the fact that we get through those times proves it. We all have meltdowns once in a while, so just know that you are normal. Sending you sunny thoughts and progress with your leg. Hugs!
    ~Jess

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  4. Often, we learn our lessons the hardest way, but it's always good that way 'coz you wouldn't do the same mistake again. You inspire me Launna

    xoxo - Style.. A Pastiche

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  5. I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now, dear Launna, I'm sure everything will get better soon! Hugs xx

    Bella Pummarola

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  6. Sad to read your leg is still injured! Really hoping it will be getting better soon! Stay strong.

    Patrick | www.nevernotinspired.de

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  7. I hope you feel better soon, my lovely friend!!!!
    Good luck for your leg!
    Kisses, Paola.

    Expressyourself

    My Facebook

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  8. Sad about your leg and yeah, this time of the year isn't what it always claim to be. Wishing you best.

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  9. Very nice!!!Thanks for stopping by my blog!!! Happy week!!

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  10. Hope your leg will get better the soonest. As for constant pains which come and don't fully go away - I can you a little more. you get used to, when it's getting even little worse it crushes your mood. in the end of a day really constant pains are a lot easier than one which goes away. you live with it, you cope with it, you get used to it but still you hate from the bottom of your heart. and just like you now you do everything it takes to minimize it.


    Lyosha
    Inside and Outside Blog
    P.S. I’m hosting great glasses giveaway here check it out!

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  11. When things like this happen it also makes u humble thinking how wud others hv to deal with it if they know they hv to bear it all the time like in ur case the leg pain.. I wish u feel better soon so that you can do ur daily chores with much ease... have a great week ahead Launna..

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  12. Hope your leg heals quickly. Keep looking for the positive things in life. That will get you through the hard times.

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  13. Hi sweet Launna,
    I hope you feel better in this Christmas season.
    I'm sure everything will better soon and you feel better.
    Kisses
    Maggie D.
    Fashion Blog Maggie Dallospedale fashion diary

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  14. Oh Launna, sorry you're still experiencing a lot of dis-comfort, I do hope you heal soon.

    Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts.

    All the best Jan

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  15. Oh, Launna! I really hope your leg heals quickly.

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  16. Hope this week is less stressful for you and your leg heals quickly!
    www.effortlesslady.com

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  17. I'm so sorry that you're having chronic pain. A few years ago I was having trouble with my back, and it really does make everything so much more difficult to deal with. Hope this week is better!

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  18. Pain is unbearable indeed but godis with you, helping all the way, take care.

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  19. Hope your leg feels better soon.what you say about liking a person in a way that we think of them and not necessarily they way they actually are is something i do as well. I build up an image and love that image and realise that the real perspn can never match up to my image and it hurts me pointlessly. I cant even blame the other person as it is not his fault that i built a persona for him that wasnt even there to begin with.

    The joys of active imagination!!

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  20. such as rice science, the more bent, the more contained.

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  21. Launna, I am sorry that your leg has not heal properly yet. We all have our ups and downs. Forgiving the person (even though he or she may not deserve your forgiveness) is the greatest key to healing. Unforgiveness makes prisoners of those who won't or can't forgive. We are all broken people and we all need to forgive and be forgiven. Bless you.

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  22. I am sorry you are still going through with your leg. That and combined with the season is a recipe for a meltdown. We all need to have one of those from time to time, purge it to make room for what's next - good or bad.

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  23. I am very sorry for your leg Launna, and much more because it happened in the Christmas time, making it harder and depressing for you...
    Well, I think that everything happen for a good reason, son don't let you down and wait for the best!
    Anyway I think that our happiness shouldn't depend of other person (even if sometime is inevitable), but we should try to find everything beautiful in what we have now and here, or one day we'd regret what we don't enjoy now!
    Anyway you did so much for yourself since now, with no doubt you'll rise even from this challenge stronger than before!
    xxx
    S
    http://s-fashion-avenue.blogspot.it

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  24. I'm sorry to hear you are still having pain from your injury. I hope that you start feeling better soon. This time of year is difficult for many, that is true. Know you are not alone. Wishing you the best.

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  25. I hope that the pain in your leg gets better. Sometimes one injury can cause a lot of disruption. Do not be too hard on yourself, if you cannot concentrate it is understandable.
    This time of the year is hard for a lot of people. We like to keep up with every body in gift giving, but sometimes we cannot afford. I hope that every one understands that they do not have to give gifts if they cannot. I am sure that you will withstand a lot of hardships as you have done in the past. You are an example for a lot of us and we get inspiration from you.

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  26. Oh sweetheart I hope you start to feel better soon. My best wishes and prayers for you. With your post always encourage me so I feel sad because you are not good of health.

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  27. Amiga espero que esteja bem postagem muito boa sucesso
    DEUS seja contigo uma boa noite
    Vídeo Novo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r34Wc33xns
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/

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  28. Feel better soon girl!! You arent allowed to feel icky during the holidays, its a Christmas law!!! *hugs* - http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com

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  29. I hope you feel better soon Launna. Pain only makes us stronger =)

    xoxo, rae
    http://www.raellarina.net/

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  30. Keep looking to the future Launna... you'll be golden! Glad your leg is recovering...slowly but surely... you've got the right thinking about patience. Smile and keep moving forward... bright things are coming! New Year... Refresh!


    Amber
    All the Cute
    Today’s Post: Beautiful Holiday

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  31. Hugs to you.... sometimes a girl just needs to have a meltdown...everything gets to be too much. I hope your pain (on all levels) dissipates quickly.
    xoxo

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  32. I am so sorry your leg is still injured. It sounds very painful!!
    www.amemoryofus.com

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  33. Amiga passando para ti desejar um belo dia
    Vídeo Novo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0r34Wc33xns
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br

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  34. I'm sorry to hear that you're not seeing an improvment on your injured leg, Launna. This kind of things happen and sometimes recovery is uncertain. But you will get better and you will go back to your excersice routine. I truly hope you're doing better this week and that you keep a positive and hopeful attitude towards these tough days. <3

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  35. I hope your leg is better and you soon recover of this difficult time xxx
    Have a lovely week
    xxx
    www.travelera.es

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  36. Sending you a big hug and many blessings of love and light!! 💖

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  37. I love love these quotes
    http://islandchic77.com/

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  38. how's your leg now.....hope you recover soon....

    www.crazyaboutcolors.com

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  39. I'm so sorry to hear you're not any better, but I hope this will change soon. My grandmother has the chronic pain in her legs for over a year now and doctors can' t figure out what it is, she learned to live with it (kinda), but it doesn't hurt any less. I hope you get better soon and be able to walk as you use to again.
    But it's great to hear you have nice coworkers. That approves your job so much. I remember when I worked with people I had nothing in common and nothing to talk about, and even if the work itself was OK, I just wasn't happy to be there. Yet another time I was helping somewhere, just for a month, and I was berly paid, but I was put into a trully great team and many time stayed for extra time, just to hang with them.
    I also hope your holidays get better and you won't be hanging on past to much. You have such great daughters so I hope you'll spent the time with them. I'm very lucky for my family have decided we'll all get together for some days.

    Have a lovely week,xx
    Danny

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  40. I understand your thinking in the post. I was married so long, and the person I married is trying to destroy me in so many ways. Outlandishly and unbelievable ways that baffle me and leave me very much stung. But like you have noted time and again, it bends me, it does not break me. I'm not longing for a life with a person who really didn't have my best intersts at heart. I cherish my past (because I did love it and him). I accept my present. And I dream for my future, having 100% faith that God will lead me to a better life. :) I'm sorry for your meltdown at work... and glad you have people there to understand and help make it better. I bet payroll is busy with the end of the year goings on!! Merry Christmas to you and your family, Launna. We may not have our 'hims' anymore, but we've got more blessings than the 'hims' could even comprehend. May our lives be forever full, yours and mine, without 'him.' :)

    And I know I'm rambling... early morning sentiments,lol!! Hugs to you!

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  41. Muito obrigada pelos parabéns, Launna!

    Todos temos fases ruins. Eu mesma estou em uma fase terrível. Mas o jeito é ter pensamento positivo e esperar passar.

    Melhoras para a sua perna.

    Ótima quinta!

    Beijo! ^^

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  42. I am hoping in time..and soon that you will be back in full form and ready for anything. It is best to keep moving. Its just figuring out the right pace that can be difficult. Hope you are getting ready for a wonderful holiday...full of smiles and bliss!

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  43. Dear Launna,
    hard times, we are bent, not broken... I send you my biggest hug, we deserve a happy Christmas indeed :)

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  44. Dear Launna I'm sorry if I do not step frequently on your blog, but for quite some time I'm a little bit away from the blog and web, if you have the patience to follow me, you see why ... :)
    But how are you??? you broke your leg? I'm so sorry and I hope you're feeling better and it will get better.
    a big hug.

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  45. Hello dear! I hope that you feel better soon, I hope that the leg improves. I know this time it is hard for you. Lots of hugs

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  46. Sounds like you're going through an emotional roller coaster, Launna and I hope you'll stay strong. Look forward to what 2016 brings and I hope you'll be able to close the chapters and move forward, I know it's not easy, sometimes the past haunts us and our mind plays tricks on us but take a deep breath and continue walking forward. Hugs. xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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  47. Have a lovely weekend, Launna, I wish you all the best :)))
    A big hug!

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  48. Like you said, its temporary. Its good to take one day at a time.
    Its surprising that both of us wrote about empathy.

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  49. I love your entry!!! !!! thanks for your visits , Happy Friday !!

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  50. See? God always knows what's best for us. Keep healing dearest Launna. You are an epitome of strength!
    http://fashionablyidu.blogspot.com/

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  51. tons of hugs Launna and wishes for a gentle and beautiful weekend.

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  52. Hi Launna,
    I'm sorry this time of year isn't good for you and that you are having chronic pain, I understand fully how hard it is to cope with it since I do on a regular basis. I've found myself becoming quite short tempered and angry a lot of the time lately due to health problems and the weather, so you aren't alone. I just hope you will be able to let go of the problems and emotional pain you carry around with soon and move on to enjoy your life and love it. I realised that the only one getting hurt by harbouring grudges, grief and upsets from the past is ourselves because we have to have that weight on our shoulders every day. I hope it will get better for you as you deserve happiness and sometimes the only way to get that is by going out and finding it and creating it yourself :) :)

    Raindrops of Sapphire

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  53. Sorry to hear your leg is still giving you what for. Patience, kiddo. This, too, shall pass.

    Be kind to yourself over the holidays, okay? And find your peace and joy. It's there for the taking.

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  54. Dear sweet Launna, I'm so sorry that you had such a tough week last week! Constant pain, even for a short period of time is not easy to handle and I think most people don't handle it well. Don't be too hard on yourself for that. Allow yourself to feel it, it'll help you to deal with it :) As for people with chronic pain - I'm there with you, I admire them for their strength as well!
    Meltdowns at work? Been there, done that. Even recently, and so did almost every single one of my colleagues at some point. It IS a stressful time of year. As long as we can support one another when it happens and help each other to prevent it from happening again in the future, all is well. Again, we are so hard on ourselves. Let's acknowledge that we're only human and that we have a limit. Let's accept that limit and love ourselves for it.
    Christmas is a hard time for me, too, and a time I choose to spend away from certain family members so it can at least be without painful memories.
    It always takes time to really see a person the way they are, and some distance. And that does help the healing process some. It is good, that you can see it now, even though it is hard to accept nonetheless.
    Thank you for being so open and vulnerable again, Launna. I feel like we're so much alike and that we share a lot of experiences in life.
    I'll be thinking about you a lot this week. I'll send you lots of love and positive and kind thoughts. And lots of hugs :) You are not alone during those hard days. I'm right there with you.
    Love, Beate

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  55. Feliz Natal!!! Que a manjedoura do seu coração esteja pronta para receber o Menino Jesus que irá nascer!!!
    Um ano novo repleto das bençãos de Deus!!!
    Doce abraço com carinho, Marie!

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  56. Great post! I wish you a Merry Christmas!🎄🎄🎄

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  57. Hi Launna,
    Thanks for stopping by. It's so nice to hear from you. Wishing you the best this holiday season!

    www.lesley-kim.com

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  58. Hi Launna and greetings from London,

    I'm sorry to hear you've had problems with your leg and walking is proving difficult. It's easy to be discouraged sometimes when there are setbacks to deal with, but at least you're being pro-active, and doing the things that will help your situation to improve. Dealing with disappointment can be tough, but I find it helps to focus on creative pursuits, and the sense of accomplishment they bring.

    I hope this helps.

    Best wishes,

    Saba

    www.trulymadlydeeplyfashion.blogspot.com

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤