Our Characters Are Our Choices

Before I start writing, I wanted to let you all know I have made a huge dent in getting organized and decluttering... there is still quite a bit to do but my old bedroom is pretty well ready for me to work from home when it all comes together and my bed is in my living room. It looks pretty good, I am going to buy a partition... just so I can divide it up a little more. I am really feeling like it's all coming together... I am grateful that there was a solution.

I have never had a difficult time writing, usually I sit down and it comes out... I have been thrown for a bit of loop this week. Have you ever thought you knew someone? Really knew them? There are very few people in my life that I have felt that close to, so when a revelation comes out that basically changes their whole character to you, it can blow you away... I know it blew me away. I honestly thought there was very little that could change my mind but this did, when someone can agree with ideas that are decisive and perpetrate hate... 
It makes me wonder if I ever really knew them at all... It amazes me how people can hide who they are that deeply. I am not trying to be judgmental at all as it's not something I ever want to be... however; it hurts my heart to know that they could agree with such unkind and mean thoughts... I thought they were about love, I thought they were a very good person... Was it that I was blinded and refused to see this side of them? Or could I have been deceived so easily?

This whole thing has flipped my world upside down, to the point that changed my feelings for them... I don't much feel anything about them, not good, not bad... just distant. If that makes any sense? I have gone over the many conversations I had with them, trying to understand where this all came from... yet I don't remember even detecting any of it... I am a free thinker, I believe we all have the right to have our opinions and I am not confrontational but this is more than I can agree with... sometimes we have to stand up for what we believe in, even if it means that others don't agree. 
What this has done to me this week has made me question all my relationships... I guess we don't honestly know anyone totally... although I did believe that I at least knew the important things about a persons character. We are our character, we don't have a lot more than that... It makes me a bit sad that I am doubting so many other relationships, wondering if they will change so suddenly too... The truth is that I am about love and forgiveness... I am not perfect in anyway, nor do I ever claim to be...

When someone cannot forgive, it breaks my heart because I know that it will only hold them back, I know that it is their choice though and that I cannot make their decisions for them... That is why even though I have been rocked by this persons character and hurt to know that this was who they were deep down...  I must forgive them ... for me. I know it won't happen overnight but I also know that I cannot live with the feelings I have for them now... wondering what other things they buried about them themselves.  All I know is that I have been and always will be the character I portray...
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73 comments :

  1. Launna, firstly, I am just so proud of you and happy for you with the organizing. I really, really know. If I could teleport I would sooo be there helping you. <3

    About thinking you know someone...yes. I have experienced this too often and it has made me...cynical isn't the word, just...not surprised by anything about anyone anymore I guess.

    I honestly think the only thing to do is keep your heart loving, but with good boundaries.

    But yeah. It's like a smack upside the head and can leave you reeling for a long time.

    Love and hugs to you.

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  2. Launna!

    So glad to hear you are progressing with the decluttering and organizing plan! It's so refreshing to feel organized...and know where everything is, in it's proper place!! :o) Makes life so much easier!!

    This post is so interesting to me...because I had a best friend (we were friends for 13 years!) and our friendship recently ended... she was such a phony and lied a lot to me, and some of our mutual friends. Her reaction when we called her out? Block them all...and "start over." I've gotten word she has become super chummy with a girl she talked crap about all the time... and I just want to be like, "you phony!!!" I don't know why it bugs me... it all still bugs me... I cannot stand fake people!!

    Glad to hear you are always true to you, I strive to be that way, too... and to instill that in my daughter. Speaking of truths, my blog post tomorrow touches on some "style truths" for me! Hope you like the read!

    I hope you had a nice weekend!


    Amber
    All the Cute 🎀

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  3. So true, it amazes me too how people can hide who they are that deeply.I had a profound disappointment to her who I consider my best friend after 10 long years of attendance... I have suffered ... but we must look ahead. Now I am convinced that she not deserve my respect and my true friendship!
    Have a lovely week Launna!
    Kisses, Paola.

    Expressyourself

    My Facebook

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  4. Trust me, even the people who you are closest to can sometimes fool you about who they TRULY are and what they REALLY feel. I've been there.

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  5. Dear Launna, you have taken a great step decluttering. I'm sure you will enjoy working at home. On the other hand, it's so hard to forgive. Anyway, I think we care too much for people who don't care for us at all. Have a wonderful week!

    Jasmine ♥♥♥

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  6. I understand that totally, Launna... sadly there are some deeper, dark spot in people´s minds...some has even darker and can hide it well... when you see a hint of it, well.. that makes you really wonder, can you know one, truly. Actions speaks so well..I´m happy about that your project is coming together!!! <3 xoxoxo have a great week dear Launna :)

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  7. Lu querida deixa a vida te leva e viva cada dia se o mundo fosse
    acabar hoje tenha mais foco que tudo já deu certo,
    tenha uma semana abençoada.
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM

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  8. I've been around people who turned toxic. The only thing one can do is put distance between yourself and the person. Life is too short to try and fix others. The best you can do is say a little prayer for them and set them free.

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  9. You rightly said when someone cannot forgive it is indeed painful. It is the most important virtue and wish we all have it.

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  10. Always freaks me out when someone reveals a character trait that they've spent months keeping hidden.

    It's hard to trust someone after that.

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  11. Yes, I have occasionally been surprised to find out something about someone's character that I didn't know. It can be unsettling and upsetting. As you said, though, everyone has a right to their opinions and views.

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  12. Launna, congrats on getting your bedroom set up for work from home :) And yes, there are some people who have turned out different from what I thought they were. But I have now started to expect this, just so I am prepared. Maybe I am pessimistic?

    http://everythingthatclicks.blogspot.com

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  13. Oh I hate that for you. There’s a quote my Maya Angelou that says “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” I always look for the inkling of the real person because I don’t want to shocked by them later on. That’s is especially important in the business world.

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  14. It sounds like you are really getting somewhere with your organisation! Don't let the other issue drag you down, you are better than that. Keep your head held high and don't let anyone hurt you. Sending hugs xoxo

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  15. It's not the same, but I can relate. I thought I knew someone too. I mean really, really really knew him. We were married many years. Turns out I didn't know him at all. It's sad if I think about it, so I don't. :) Like you said, I don't feel much of anything but distant. Oh, and glad to be distant (now). :)

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  16. Sometimes we don't see people for what/who they are and often it's nobody's fault. Sometimes we just don't see a certain side of their character until something happens that reveals that side. Also, people change, even though it makes me sad to think about it. Great post, Launna!

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  17. Hi sweet Launna,
    I am so happy and proud of you, when I read your words. I think that we should not stop dreaming, but we have to protect our hearts of all people.
    I think I understand your emotions and I can only tell you not to stop fighting to be happy.
    Thousand hugs to you.
    Maggie Dallospedale Fashion diary - Fashion blog

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  18. Good to read the de-cluttering and sorting has gone well, I always think that by doing it you can feel much clearer in mind...

    Sometimes in life we do not see what we should have seen (not sure if that makes sense) but we must carry on and re-build, re-structure ... we owe it to ourselves

    All the best Jan

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  19. Such an honest post - I think we've all felt this way at times. I'm currently decluttering as well. Such a long process!

    Laura
    www.blackcoffeebeautiful.com

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  20. Sometimes people hide the scariest parts about them/their lives from others because it's hard to trust new people. I'm not saying that this person is right for with holding this important information from you, but maybe they're telling you these new facts about themselves because they trust you and care about how you view them as a person. Everyone has their skeletons in their closets but it takes true guts to open the door and let someone see the darkest part of you.

     Sierra Berry | @itsberrystylish  

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  21. "I have never had a difficult time writing, usually I sit down and it comes out"; this is good to know. Wish it applies to me! I face difficulty every time writing!

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  22. I don't think we ever completely know someone. Most of us hide our flaws and insecurities. It takes a lot of trust to reveal those. It can be shocking when someone you think you knew well shows you another side. If they trust you to show you their flaws (this doesn't hold true if they're being malicious), then consider it an honor. It means they are comfortable with you, and they trust you.

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  23. It makes sense, Launna, tha same I fear is happening to me. People I thought I knew well, in fact I didn't. Now I feel distant...
    A big hug :)

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  24. Passando para ti desejar um belo dia
    Blog:http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM

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  25. Gostei bastante daquele spray, mas ainda procuro por melhores opções!

    Launna, fico muito feliz em saber que você achou uma solução para o seu trabalho!

    Muitas vezes eu lutei por coisas que outras pessoas nĂŁo concordavam. E quer saber? Nunca me arrependi disso! Quanto a nĂŁo conhecer completamente as pessoas, Ă© normal... A vida Ă© assim, nĂŁo Ă©? Uma caixa de surpresas!

    Ótima terça!

    Beijo! ^^

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  26. Knowing someone (in real life or fiction) and then finding out something that throws what you know out the window is really tough!

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  27. A great post and well done for taking the step to de clutter. I lost my mother recently and really did see the true colours of people. I thank the universe for showing me sooner rather than later and not allowing me to waste my precious time on people that don't deserve it.
    Keep going and best wishes always
    Shanel
    http://babblingonbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/mikasa-beauty-brushes.html?m=1

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  28. Launna I'm sorry to hear that you've been let down by someone you felt you really knew. It's true, people can surprise us sometimes, and there are some aspects of other peoples' private lives that we can never truly know. People are flawed, and sometimes they may feel they have to hide things and even be ruthless, in order to survive. That's not to say it's right, but people are driven by strange motives sometimes. The most you can do is stay as positive as you can, understanding that we can't control everything and just have to do our best.

    Hugs, Saba xx

    www.trulymadlydeeplyfashion.blogspot.com

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  29. No matter our age, it is always a stumbling block when situations arise like this. It is sad to know when someone's secrets are exposed. Especially, at work. I remember the time how great I thought this co-worker was and her perfect life, just to accidentally find out how she spent her night. Not with her family. So, I know your disappointment.

    Still, I think each of us are always evolving. A few weeks ago, I found out someone I've known for awhile is trans. We'd had a 'coming out' meeting for another co-worker (he's trans to her) and then another co-worker spoke up.

    Great post! Keep writing!

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  30. That is great you have made such a dent in getting organized! Keep it up!!
    www.amemoryofus.com

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  31. 1) Even the loveliest of beings on earth has found themselves do a thing or two that they aren't proud of. It doesn't necessarily characterize them, it could be a part of them that they simply cannot help
    2) I know it must hurt to feel betrayed or misled but until you've actually spoken to this person about your discovery, you really will keep turning it round in your head with it not making any sense. You owe it your friendship with them to talk about it. There could be a perfectly good reason for what you found out....or not, but, please talk about it,
    3) I'm glad the rearrangement is all coming together, :), wish you the very best always!
    Xx

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  32. I was thinking today about relationships too, but in a different light. I have 7 siblings. Truthfully, I think having that many prepared me better for any relationships outside the home--being able to see and understand so many different views on the world. There are some subjects I just don't address with certain people because I know we fundamentally disagree, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends.

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  33. Just because one person was good at putting on a mask and pretending to be something that they aren't - don't let that make you afraid to trust other people. I have to believe that most people are decent human beings - even if they do often disappoint and prove me wrong. Hugs!

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  34. Passando para ti desejar um belo dia
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM

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  35. absolutely true! and sometimes we need time to discover who we are in fact but the experience and reflexion help.
    kss a lot dear Launna
    new post: http://tupersonalshopperviajero.blogspot.com.es/2016/05/denim-shirt-outfit.html

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  36. First of all Im so happy to hear that you are that happy with the amazing way you found to organize your room!!! Im sure it gonna look wonderful and that you will feel happy at any time!!!

    I know exactly what you mean! So many times I felt like I would know a person and had to find out that I was wrong! people I called best friend turned out to lie to me or to act behind my back. It was the point on which I decided that you will never no a person or trust anyone. It took me several years to realize that this trust is necessary and that its worth it to find a person who is that honest!!!

    After I founded my blog and started traveling a lot of friends thought to talk about me so that I decided to go into my own and to see who is really important to me. know I have a subset of friend i totally trust!

    Always remember how sad those people are who are acting like friends and working like devils! These people never will be satisfied with themselves and I guess thats the reason why they are the way they are!!

    Never give up to trust those you love!!

    Many hugs,
    Martin

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  37. There r many ppl whom we think we may know bt fail to understand and we get to understand when they change so quick and do not be the way we perceived them ,which i think is the saddest thing ever.. Ppl change overnight and i have seen that.. I now don't feel anything fr anyone and am happy alone with my family and hv decided to concentrate on my life.. good people will come and stay if not its better they go...
    Decluttering and making changes at home can make so much difference to our lives i tell you. I shall also be doing the same very soon. I am happy you are now able to work from home and that is what u wanted.. Wish u good luck Launna ♥

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  38. Forgiving is first well to ourselves, great post, a big hug darling!

    La Flò ♡ blog

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  39. Firstly, I'm glad you managed to get your situation with the living room and bedroom sorted out so far, it sounds like it's all coming together really well! Glad there was a solution for you too, Launna!

    And secondly, I fully understand what you mean. It's happened to me before, you think you know someone and then all of a sudden a topic might come up that you have never discussed before and you think 'wow' I can't believe we are so different and I never knew you had those views on this. Sometimes it's often a deal breaker for me as I've been in a position before where someone I worked with and was friends with came out about hunting animals and how much they loved it and were putting photos up on Facebook and that just broke it for me. I can't deal with things like that when I feel so strongly about animals and nature, everything having its own right for life. So I completely understand how you can feel deceived or silly for not even noticing, but the truth is, if you haven't ever had a discussion on that topic before, you wouldn't be able to know. Their views are what's normal to them, so it wouldn't show up if they felt like they were hiding something as you'd notice them acting funny. So we aren't to blame. I understand it questions your friendships with others too, but at the same time we have to take everyone as individuals and can't tarnish them with the brush of others, so it's a tricky position to be in. I hope it all sorts itself out soon and if it means the friendship is over, that might be a good thing as you can move on xx.

    Raindrops of Sapphire

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  40. It's so good to declutter Launna. And it can be quite shocking and eye opening when certain people you thought you knew turn out to be totally different. It's the reason why I am guarded and have trouble trusting people. It's good to find out how people are sooner than later.
    BEAUTETUDE

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  41. Oh gosh, Launna...this post brought back a horrible memory. I had a best friend, someone whom I spent all my time with back in 2010 and I truly thought she was my best friend for life. And then one day another secretary called me up and said she doesn't know how to approach me about something but she heard that I am facing severe financial trouble and unable to pay my rent and bills. It took me by surprised because I wasn't in any such situation and finally she told me that my supposedly best friend have been borrowing huge sums of money behind my back using the reason that it was to help me. I was shocked, hurt and I haven't forgiven her until today because she denied everything in front of me but continued to lie behind my back.

    You're right, sometimes when you thought you know the person, it turned out you don't know them at all..

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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  42. You know Launna? This pst really touched me, since I'm that knind of "naive" (or kind of stupid, I don't know...)that easily trust people. So I've been deceived so may times.... It's that I really don't know how to know id a person is reliable or not, and at the start everybody seems so nice!
    Luckily I'm pretty good (or maybe just trained?) on to cut bad relationships and to find the way to solving problems that have created me, still every time I'm really brokenheart for this...
    Anyway I'm happy you've found a good solution for your home! :)
    xxx
    S
    http://s-fashion-avenue.blogspot.it

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  43. There are some people who present so good that it's hard to think they are anything but good. And when they hurt us that is beyond the normal, it's shocking. But like I tell my kids, there are more good than not good people in the world. Hugs Launna. I love that you, like me, are a writer.

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  44. Launna! Aquele é um bom produto. Não faz milagre com as rugas, mas dá uma disfarçada, sabe?! Estou amando aquele blur.

    Ă“tima sexta!

    Beijo! ^^

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  45. 'when someone can agree with ideas that are decisive and perpetrate hate...'..That's a huge NO for me. I don't have place for hate in my life. There are a lot of things that are frustrating and disappointing in life, as it is, so Hate is not something I'd want piled on top of it. I know what you mean about feeling distant with the person. Distance can be good. It helps with perspective. You don't necessarily need that person in your life. Especially if they make you feel bad :( You deserve better than that.

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  46. Congrats on accomplishing so much de-cluttering in your house. If you're cutting this person whose worldview surprises and disappoints you out of your life, sounds like you're de-cluttering your life, too. That could be a good thing.

    On the other hand, sometimes we can agree to disagree, without entirely cutting people out of our lives. That's exactly what I've done with a number of people in my life. They may hold an opinion that is toxic to me, but that particular opinion doesn't entirely define them. There are still many wonderful things about them which I can respect and admire.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

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  47. Sometimes I sit in front of my laptop so blank, -don't know what to write. Ha!
    Don't even get me started on shady people. I'm starting to declutter my friend list.
    Enjoy your weekend, beauty! :)

    http://missymayification.blogspot.co.uk

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  48. Passando para ti desejar uma semana abençoada.
    Blog:http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM

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  49. Getting organized is such a good feeling. It not only makes our spaces feel better, but our minds too! Forgiving someone is a very freeing feeling- but it definitely doesn't happen overnight.

    Hoping you have had a wonderful week!
    ~Jess

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  50. Dear Launna,
    it's a very spring day in Italy... at last! Blue sky, 20 C°... a great gift to us all. I hope you are well and wish you a lovely weekend :)

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  51. Hello my friend. Yes, sometimes we are surprised when we find out that someone is somewhat different than we thought...all we can really do is control who we are, I suppose :)

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  52. Tenha um belo dia
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM

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  53. Such a wonderful post, Launna!
    Have a nice week-end!
    Gil Zetbase
    http://gilzetbase.com/

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  54. Dearest Launna, I'm so glad you made a dent on your 'to do' with your home. That is always a great feeling. I hope it all comes together exactly as you planned it. It's sad to read about the individual you considered a close friend. Loyalty is very slowly becoming a thing of the past. I've had a few disappointing findings lately myself. My circle was small now it's even smaller. Almost down to 1 and that's just myself. I just read a quote on Instagram from Phuckyoquote (do you follow them) that said 'Characterize people by their actions and you'll never be fooled by their words".
    Have a great week my friend.

    http://fashionablyidu.blogspot.com/2016/05/pedals-and-petals-feat-jord-wood-watch.html

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  55. I feel you, Launna! ...actually I always do. Your thoughts are inspiring, my dear! Yesterday I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower for the first time and really loved this conversation:
    Charlie: Mr. Anderson? Can I ask you something?
    Bill: Yeah.
    Charlie: Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?
    Bill: Are we talking about anyone specific?
    [Charlie nods]
    Bill: Well, we accept the love we think we deserve.
    Charlie: Can we make them know that they deserve more?
    Bill: We can try.

    Sending you lots of love, Launna! <3

    xoxo Ira
    JOURNAL OF STYLE / BLOGLOVIN

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  56. i hope you'll share with us your old bedroom or house once everything is okay and done.:) I hope i can declutter as well. it takes me so much time. since the first week of this month, I've been cleaning and decluttering every weekend. I hope i can pull this off too. anyway, forgiving is really hard but if you have the heart and you are willing for change, i know it will happen. good luck on that Launna and God bless! :)

    xoxo, rae
    http://www.raellarina.net/

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  57. Launna! Respondendo as perguntas sobre o esmalte em spray... Se fizer debaixo da torneira demora uns 5 minutos para sair dos dedos! A cor durou bem pouco nas minhas unhas (uns 4 dias). Custou quase 26 reais, o que convertendo dá um pouco mais de 7 dólares!

    Ă“timo domingo!

    Beijo! ^^

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  58. So happy that you are organizing too, because I'm actually doing that on my room. I have it repainted, redecorated for my baby and gave away stuff I no longer use. It is really true, that there are people that we thought we have known for such a long time but turned out that there's still something we missed to see. and oh, just like you, I'm always the character I portray :) And yes, we're not all the same, I on the other hand can forgive but I know someone who doesn't even know that word and it saddens me.

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  59. Decluttering always makes me feel so good, glad you are almost done. So great that you will be able to work from home Launna! It's hard to see or learn about people making the wrong choices in life, and portraying otherwise. I've been hurt by people who I thought were true friends before, so I can totally relate. I hope that the knowledge you gained about this person was through your own means, and not someone else talking about that person. I'm not quiet clear on that. If it was someone else telling some personal information about your friend, I would really have a chat with them one to one. I say this just to make sure you are doing right thing by ending the friendship.You have such a great attitude about the whole thing. I hope it all works out for you. Can't wait to hear how your office/homelife goes!

    xx.
    Tania
    http://inspiremyfancy.blogspot.com

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  60. The good character quotation is so true. Launna, I hope that your week will be filled with happiness and peace. Hugs to you.

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  61. Oh my gosh- speaking to this, it's true that we can fid out that people are two faced, but sometimes it is also that they just are developing themselves and the relationships they have with us and then when we get to know the real them we realize that who they are with us is just one part of who they are. it sucks when we see that people aren't what they seem but just yesterday I realized that I am too quick to think this- because all of us are in a way since we can't just be our wacky selves from the get go. :P

    Big hugs,
    Christine
    Ethical Fashion + Faith
    www.beyoutifulhope.blogspot.com

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  62. Blessings......
    I am jealous yet happy that you are progressing nicely with your decluttering. I say I will do it, take a look, feel overwhelmed and put it off. *sigh* I have to stop doing that and simply jump in.

    Recharging Characteristics....
    It is indeed a choice. Often when we witness deeply disturbing character flaws of those we consider, love we tend to make excuses to the detriment of ourselves. It benefits us better if we see people as they are, as they show us they are and accept then make the choice as to whether we want to maintain, start or end that relationship. If we choose to go forth in spite of what we have experienced, witnessed and heard then we must be prepared for the consequences of that choosing.

    good piece.
    thanks for sharing.

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  63. This has happened to me before, and it's such a difficult situation to deal with. So hard when you think you know someone and they disappoint you. Sounds like you've made the right choice for you, although I know it still hurts.

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  64. This post relates to me so much, Launna. This has happened to me several times, and I am always surprised to know that some people are so good in pretending to be good. I have seriously come to the conclusion that- take time (really more than required time) to share your secrets to someone, or to give them space in your heart, and home.

    I can totally understand how you must be feeling....

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  65. Lovely Greetings and lots of Hugs Launna!

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤