You Can't Rewrite The Past That's Written

I was thinking about my next post and what I wanted to write, this phrase came to mind and no matter how many times I thought I want to write about something else, I kept coming back to this. You can't rewrite the past that's written... you can only move forward but that does not mean you should forget or try to change the past, it means you should learn from it and cherish most of it; for the past made us who we are today.

Why is this on my mind? This is a really tough week for me... it is my best friends birthday this week and I can't even wish him a happy birthday.  I think that is very sad and it didn't have to be that way... however; it is that way and nothing I say will change it.  So, although I cannot say it directly to him, I will be thinking of him and wishing him the best.  For I could wish nothing less than happiness and joy for him ... that would make me happy.

The phrase came to mind for a couple of reasons; one, I was told that I remembered things the way I wanted to... not true, I remember the way they were.  In the past I couldn't have said that because it is too easy to change our memories to how we want them to be... In this day and age though, it is easier to stay true to what was, since most of it is in writing. Two, I often wish I could change a key moment... although I know that is not possible either.  Instead I just have to move forward and remind myself that not everyone wants to remember the past the way it was... and leave it at that.

I have come to terms with my past and I am moving forward as I have been for quite some time... it was about a year ago that I knew my path was not the one I wanted to be on.  It was that realization that made me finally make the changes that I needed to make in my life, eating right and exercising; generally getting healthy. It was the best decision I ever made and stuck to in my whole life.

I also remember the day everything changed, one night everything was fun and laughter and within a matter of days it all changed... that was when I stopped sleeping through the night... and it took me a long time to center myself.  I still have days but I am moving forward as there is no where else to go and I refuse to be stuck... my life changed by 180 degrees and although I am not as happy as I wish, I know I will be again because there is always a light at the end of the tunnel... I just have to hold on.

Things change and people change, all of this can happen in a moment... but you can't rewrite the past that's written...

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My Big 50th Birthday And My Mission

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore. 

Well today I turned 50 and I can tell you this, I don't feel like it (except maybe in my knees, lol) but the more I walk the less I will even feel it there.  I don't look it and I can say that because everyone and I mean everyone tells me that.  I certainly don't dress like I am 50, nor do I want to... I rather enjoy the fact that I don't look or act my age.... nor do I plan to.  Above is my latest picture that my oldest daughter took of me about three weeks ago, she is quite the photographer as is her wonderful hubby Paul... 

I know that I have been a bit moody over the past few days and I will deal with that in time... for now I am extremely busy with staying on track with losing weight and getting as healthy as possible.  That is my main focus, I am hoping it will rub off on Valentina... if she sees there is no choice but eating healthy and walking to wherever we go, she will lose the weight and become healthy herself.  I just have to keep on that path and eventually she will follow.

I won't go into the reasons that I have been moody but last night I had a bit of an eye opener and it only made me want to eat better and exercise more... bring on the bike/elliptical/treadmill... no more words from me about how I hate them and how boring they are... who cares... I am going to use them and get healthy and keep myself fit.  Oh and I can't wait to try out Zumba, I am looking into classes tomorrow, I think it would be fun to dance/exercise.  I have said this before but I mean it and I think the past almost six weeks proves that I mean it, I am on a mission, a mission to become the best and healthiest me.

I could care less about cake/cookies/chips/chocolate/fried foods and anything with mayonnaise...  none of them appeal to me.  I was the girl who loved her cream sauces and thick salad dressings, I don't care if I ever eat them again.  You know what makes me really happy?  Walking further than I thought I could and following a great eating plan, then hopping on the scale and seeing my weight go down to a healthy one... Today I went to the doctors and she said it had been almost one month since I was in to see her, which was almost two weeks after I started the challenge at work, I had already lost 10 pounds, she said I have lost 12 pounds in four weeks... that made me feel so good.  She said I might want to slow down... I said nooooo... I have a challenge to win and then I have other goals I need to get to as well.

She realized that there was nothing she was going to say to change my mind so she told me good luck with the challenge.  I thanked her and reminded her that this won't stop with the challenge, that was the catalyst that started me on the right path... that and something my David said to me... I will have to thank him sometime... I couldn't be more thrilled that I finally put the two together and that I am SO committed  to looking after myself.  It might have taken me a while to get here but I am here and nothing will take me off this path. NOTHING!!!

I am happy to hear that I am inspiring people to walk, I know that nothing and nobody could get through all the excuses I had for not getting healthy until I was ready and boy... am I ready.  I feel like I am finally following the right path, the one I was always supposed to be on... As for feeling sad, that is because some things have not worked out as I had hoped or know that it should... but that is okay for now... I am putting all that on the back burner so that I can focus on the main plan right now.

I will eventually deal with the sadness and even that won't be completely overwhelming to me one day.  Maybe I will even be able to look back and smile at this time in my life, maybe I needed this to get me on the right path to become the healthiest me... I also think this is going to change the lives of some people that are close to me.  Maybe not the way they think but I know it will leave them with a lot of questions... I wonder if they will get the answers they are looking for... Time will tell...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥ 

Happy 50th Birthday To My David‏

Fifty years ago today my David was born at the Grace Maternity hospital in Halifax, Nova Scotia...  I was born in the same hospital two months later.  I didn't get to meet him until we were fifteen years old in grade ten Biology. 

My David was sitting behind me and he said something to me, I turned around and came face to face with the cutest smile and brightest blue eyes I have ever seen.  I was instantly smitten with him.  I wrote about our story here My One And Only.

I never forgot that sweet boy even when I had no contact with him for over twenty three years and that was only fleeting.  My David made that deep and strong of an impression on me, I even talked about him to people over the years.... he was always a very special memory of mine.

He's away on an exercise for work so I can't talk to him today.  I wanted to write a post just for him for his special day.  He and anyone who reads my blog knows how very important he is to me, how blessed I feel that he has been in my life.

He is the love of my life and honestly although I may love again in the future... I will never love anyone as deeply as I love my David.  My birthday wish for him is that both his children are safe and happy... I hope he has joy in his life.

Happy Birthday to one of the sweetest men I have ever known... my David will always be that cute fifteen year old boy I met in Biology class thirty five years ago... he grew into the man I fell in love with a year and a half ago...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Happy Tenth Birthday To My Valentina

I can't believe it has been ten years since my Valentina was born... a day when I learned it was possible to love two children with my whole heart but in different ways.

Right from the moment she was born, I was enamored by her as many people have been over the years.  She has a kind and very sweet personality with a beautiful smile.  It's difficult to not be drawn to her, she has that beautiful quality.

Every day I have her in my life I feel beyond blessed... my Heavenly Father knew the personality I could handle... My Valentina is so soft hearted, if she becomes snappy with me.. she apologizes quickly.

Her spirit is so beautiful and she shines from the inside out.  Today the weather was so much like the day she was born, sunny and cool... I'm transported back to that day, remembering how my heart opened so wide once I held her after delivering her.

Happy tenth Birthday to my beautiful baby daughter Valentina.... my life changed in such a good way ten years ago today <3

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥