One Moment At A Time

I am not one to make resolutions for the New Year, as I find that most times it is just a set up for failure.  I do believe in setting goals, I just don't like doing it at a set time... for me, I just have to do it when I am ready, the day doesn't really matter.  I actually find the more I think of making a change in my life, the more I find excuses not to...

I have had plenty of challenging years but truthfully who has not? No one has an easy or perfect life, it just doesn't exist. As much as we get upset about the trials we encounter, they have the ability to make us better, stronger more empathetic. Believe me when I say that many challenges make absolutely no sense and actually leaves us wondering why we would have to deal with it. However; given time, I usually have come to understand why. 

When Andrey raped me over 8 years ago, I crawled into a shell, I lost my voice... but then I started writing to get it back... I made questionable choices because of the emotional pain I was going through. I am not going to say that I am happy I was raped but I gained a strength I was not aware that I had and I gained an empathy for other people that went through this and other tragedies.  

I have been reflecting on the insanity of this past year, wondering what I need to learn from it, the answers don't always come instantly, sometimes they take a great deal of time. I do know that I ended the year on brighter note, I had a lovely Christmas and I am feeling so relaxed now that I am working at home...  I do have a goal which is an ongoing one, I want to be healthy again... I believe that I was given the opportunity to work at home so that I would have the time to work on regaining my health, for this, I am incredibly grateful.

I feel like the last year of my life had me going backwards with my health, I miss how physically fit I was. I read the first quote by Tony Robbins where he said that making a decision in a moment can change the course of our lives... It had me thinking about the many times in my life where I was standing on the edge of change, questioning if I would be able to leap off and trust that I wouldn't fail. Often I looked over the edge and come up with excuses why leaping might not be the best thing to do... Ultimately, I made the decision to go with it, it was only then that I understood it was never as hard as I believed it would be... which makes me question why I keep holding myself back... 

 

The main thing I want to take away from my trials throughout the years is that no matter how difficult they may be, I am strong enough to handle them. I need to remember that while I am right in the middle of a challenge, there is always a way through. Nothing is permanent. Life is so much shorter than we truly know, with the passing years I have come to appreciate the moment I am in... As all we have is one moment at a time... 

I want to wish all my blog friends throughout the world a very Happy New Year, I hope it brings love, joy and gratitude ...💗💗💗

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

The Light Within That Leads Me

After I wrote a couple of weeks ago I felt burned out and so I just stopped reading and commenting on blogs for almost a week... I would read one or two and then stop. After a week I really missed everyone and couldn't wait to catch up, I pulled up my blog list and I had over 150. I had to be selective if I was ever going to get on top of it... Last night I caught up, it felt good... we all need breaks from time to time, it was good for me. As I was reading many of my followers blogs they too were echoing my sentiments and making decisions to cut back... we seemed to be on the same wave length. 

I didn't do a lot but relax and think... I also read many of my older posts, which had me thinking about how far I have come but how far I still had to go... Many challenges I have overcome, others are still controlling me... It made me realize that I cannot just overcome something and think that was it, when I choose to think it's as simple as that, I fail and have to relearn the lesson. For myself I have had a defeatist attitude in the past when I had to go through the same challenge.

I thought about what was gained by having that attitude? Since the truth is that I am able to get through the challenges given to me, even though I may doubt myself time and time again. It has never been that I cannot overcome a trial, the question has always been if I wanted to?  I don't think we choose our trials but I know we choose how and if we deal with them... I have been a master of ignoring them, burying them and defending myself against them... Until I decide to face it, the issue continues to return. I read a blog yesterday where the writer explained how they were tired of trying to overcome their trials, that the pain was too much... this person has been through a great deal, however; I don't think giving up is the answer.

I say this as I know from past experience that deep pain that doesn't seem to allow light in has been a part of my past. I am sure a great deal of us have been there... some of us are better at dealing with it, I always seem to take the long road through the darkness, until I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel... it's only after I get there that I realize the tunnel was the illusion, not the light. I fail to understand why I cannot remember that when I am going through the next challenge... because there will always be another challenge. It's not easy to elevate ourselves over our human nature that continues to doubt.

I have to continue to remind myself that when I feel like I am failing, it's not true, I am learning... because each failure is teaching me something. I have to be open to learning it so that I can move forward to the next one. For me disappointment is one of the most difficult things to get past, there is a constant reminder of what could have been... I know looking back isn't good, hence this is why I have been moving forward but it doesn't always stop the sad feelings...

 

I have a chance for some big changes, I am aligning myself with them... although they may be extremely challenging, I feel these ones will be worth it... I have been wanting to do things that I have not have had the time to do... there is a good possibility I will have the opportunity to have the time I need... I would be grateful for any and all good thoughts ... once I know more I will write about it... I am letting the light from within me lead me...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Choosing The Road Of Success

I have been wanting to write since Saturday but I promised myself I wanted to get caught up with my blogs that I follow first, that took until today... if I take a day off, I get way behind. I honestly love following everyone and commenting because I think that is what the blogging world is about, it is about supporting each other. However; saying this, I do get overwhelmed at times. I do need to cut back a little here and there, I can't comment on every single post as much as I would like to... I am going to get back to allotting myself a set amount of time. 

What I really wanted to write about today is, as you all know I have been struggling with getting back to exercising and eating healthy... I know it is okay to treat myself from time to time but that doesn't mean daily. I hesitate to say these words as I know they will be taken out of context... but I was out of control... I don't think I need to watch every single thing I eat but I NEED to have limits. This is not for everyone but this is what I need, this is how I succeed. 

For the past three months I was upset because I couldn't walk and I sabotaged myself by eating whatever I wanted to... It didn't make me feel better, those things rarely do. I kept thinking in that mentality that I would get it together when I could start walking and exercising again... then I was given the green light and I still continued to eat whatever I wanted... I didn't exercise, I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin... my clothes were not feeling good on me .... All of this only intensified my emotions more. So, if you remember, I said I was at a crossroads... I chose a path on Friday, I am tracking my food and being accountable for it now. 

Also, today I was waiting for a bus... I looked down the street and realized the sidewalks were pretty clear, I just took off and started walking... it felt great, I pushed myself ... as I walked I wondered why I had allowed excuses to get in the way again?... because it is easier to ignore my feelings and just eat them... that is what the old me did, ignored everything and ate. I didn't like how I was feeling, how I was coming up with one excuse after another. Finally a catalyst happened in my life a couple of days  ago and I couldn't be more grateful that it did... without it I would still be in that rut... 

I feel like I did when I first started my weight loss journey in 2013, which actually turned into my becoming healthy journey... I was so committed, I never let anything get in the way. The weather is not going to always cooperate with me, especially in the next couple of months but that will not be a good enough excuse for me not to be accountable to myself. One day I will write about what finally got me all fired up, for now it's just good enough that I am goal oriented again. 

I realize the most important thing I need to do is prepare my food in advance ... I won't say it is easy as I have never thought it was easy to eat right and exercise daily but I can tell you that I will feel so much better, I remember what it felt like when I did... this is why I never gave up wanting it back... I might have taken the longer road back to where I want to be but the good thing is that I never gave up and I took the right road... the one that will set me up for success. 

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Joy Is Within

 I have been thinking about this post for a while, I have wanted to pick a word that I could ponder and incorporate in my life for this year and beyond. I had some great words and last week when I started writing about it, it never materialized... then a few friends gave me suggestions and I would think, oh... that's a good one. Yet nothing would come to me when I would think about writing about it. I spent my Sunday relaxing and catching up on all the blogs I follow... I knew I wanted to write tonight and when I came in to sit down... the word Joy came into my mind.... it's been something I have been thinking about for a while..

I have not felt joy for a very long time and this is the year I want to change that, it all started with forgiving her... I have to say, it feels good, she is still there, doing what she does best but I don't care anymore... what I care about is changing my mind and heart so that I can feel joy again. I have been so wrapped up in what I lost, what I don't have and what I feel the future holds for me that I was unable to see that nothing is set in stone, things change.. that is a part of life. What is the point of me being sad and not feeling joy? 

After injuring myself in November to the point that I couldn't exercise, I used that as an excuse to question why? Have I not had enough challenges, trials, losses? What was the point of me continuing to take care of myself when it seemed like an injury could come along and take away the little good I felt I had in my life. Believe me, whenever I was stressed I walked, whenever I was sad, I walked... I used walking to avoid my feelings. After being injured I had to start thinking about those feelings ... they were pretty difficult to deal with, so I tried to ignore them and eat. 

However; that is not acceptable to me any longer, I can't use that as an excuse to not take care of myself.... I started taking care of myself by forgiving her and I have been working on my surroundings, slowly getting that together.  Next was the word and I know it is a bit late coming but it finally came to me and I realize it's not just a word I want for 2016... it's a word I want to give thought about for my life. The truth for me is if there isn't joy, what is there?

Every last one of us has challenges, things that can drain us emotionally, physically and spiritually... if we don't have something to hold onto to get us through that... how are we to believe it can get better. For me, it is joy... it is much more than happiness.. it's a feeling that is possible even when a trial is happening because I know that no matter how challenging a trial is, joy will be there again. Somewhere along the line I lost that ability to see that as I was in a place I thought I would never get out of... so I questioned how could I feel joy again? Joy never left me, I just had a hard time seeing it. 

I have decided that one of the ways I am going to bring joy into my life is each day I will either write something down that I am grateful for, talk about it with someone or I will take a few minutes a day to ponder something I have gratitude for... Sometimes it is the small things that bring the biggest joy... I learned a great deal this past few weeks by forgiving her... I learned that joy is inside us, we just have to look within...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Overcoming Trials With New Dreams

I never have a difficult time writing, usually I sit down and the words pour out of me, then I go back and fix up thoughts, add or delete things... this last week zapped my thoughts. It seemed like there had been one thing after another bringing me down.

First I'm overwhelmed at work, there is a great deal of changes happening... not all good, it's causing me a great deal of anxiety. Second I was walking and near the third mile I suddenly felt a pain... I thought all I would need to do was keep persevering ... then I injured it more. Third, with all the stress I've been out of control with my food.

I'm totally frustrated that everything seems like it is out of control... for the longest I time felt gratitude that I was able to exercise... I was feeling stronger and in control of my health. I kept thinking that no matter how many challenges or trials I have, I could walk the stress off. Then I injured myself and I am trying to figure out another way to de-stress, instead I am feeling completely overwhelmed... I hear myself saying Why me? Haven't I had enough challenges? Where is my break?

Then I feel guilty for thinking this way when I know there are many people without a job that would be grateful to have mine... there are people unable to walk, let alone exercise... and there are people going through bigger challenges than I am. Yet I felt despondent with having one stressful thing after another this past couple of weeks. I don't enjoy feeling this way. So, I started reading older blog posts that I had written and saw how far I have come, how much I've changed.

Although I don't feel excited about any of the trials I have, I do have hope that if I can get through ten years of child abuse, being a young single mother at eighteen, an emotionally abusive marriage, then being raped by Andrey... and losing David as my very best friend...

Surely I can deal with a stressful job, a physical injury and having to change the dreams I had for myself to different dreams. That's what life is about, making new and better dreams by overcoming trials...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Love Is Never Easy

Last week was my birthday week, I took two days off to have an extra long weekend. I didn't do a whole lot other then rest and walk whenever possible. We have this really great trail near where I live that I have come to love. I wish I had started using it earlier this year as there are only a few places I have to worry about crossing a road, it is quite level and it is beautiful. I will be using this as much as possible as it is quiet and very serene.

So, last week I explained that things did not work out between him and I as 'apparently' he has taken a job out West. I really didn't want to write about it because I knew that I was going to hear all the pat answers I didn't want to hear. It was inevitable since most of us are wired to want to say something/anything to make someone feel better. I want to address a few things here. 

First, I did not chase him or search for love, I was prepared to cancel the dating service I was on when he messaged me. I was intrigued as we had spoken at great length a couple of years ago. Second, I do love myself... I could not have said this a few years ago, I don't think wanting romantic love means that I don't love myself... Third, I think it is wonderful for people that enjoy being alone, let me say this, 'good for you'... I may have to be alone but that does not mean I am going to be thrilled about it, I would much rather share my life with someone who I love and who loves me. Fourth, I have a wonderful family and many good friends, unfortunately they don't always fill the void that craves romantic love... that doesn't mean I am not grateful for them.

The most important thing I wanted to say was in no way do I think love is easy. I know it's not perfect and simple to achieve... I know that no one has a perfect love where everything runs smoothly all the time. I also know that social media gives this illusion at times.... of course we as human beings don't want to post that things are not perfect, most of us don't want to do this because we don't want to be negative. Other people are insecure when they are over posting about how perfect the person that they are with is... the truth is, no one is perfect.

I am grateful that I didn't put him and I all over social media and only generically mentioned him in the blog. I think it would have been more difficult otherwise... Losing him was really nothing, I barely knew him, I didn't have time to have real feelings for him... what it did was make me build higher walls as I had started to trust again; it brought up old feelings and reminded me of how broken my heart was a few years ago... I thought I had come a long way and put that behind me, this showed me that maybe I am not quite ready yet.

For the time being I won't be dating and quite frankly as much as I want that great love in my life, it will have to wait... He will have to jump through hoops of fire to prove he is worthy of me... I give myself over to love completely when I love someone, the next time if it is to happen, the guy will have to go to great lengths to show me he is serious. I deserve absolutely nothing less... besides I know love is never easy but it's worth it...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Soaring Higher Than My Dreams

I spent this week reflecting on the changes I have made and the ones I want to work on in the very near future... When I look at how far I have come, I am both surprised and grateful... Not that I didn't think I could make all the changes I have made because even though I fell many times I never stopped getting back up and believing in myself... I often wondered if I would just get out of my own way and allow myself to soar like I knew I could. 

 

For some reason I put my own road blocks up, I often become fearful of how much I can soar, how far I am really capable of actually going... I saw a little of that fear this week when I decided on a whim to go for a two mile walk and I realized I didn't have my headphones with me. I was tempted to go back and grab them but I only had a set amount of time so I decided to go without them. It was then that I understood how much I used the music so that I could zone out and not think... that was eye opening... for the 30 minutes I walked/jogged I had nothing to cover up my thoughts... I actually had to be present with myself...

I thought a lot about why I seemed to need sounds, like music or talking... why I didn't want the quiet.... The quiet allowed me to really think deeply about certain changes I needed and wanted to make but didn't seem willing to do as I was always finding excuses. One of them was how I want to meditate, I kept thinking about how I never have the time for this... I know I certainly do not want to get up any earlier than I already do but while I walked I remembered a time a couple of years ago where I kept talking about how I wanted to exercise and I wondered where I would find the time. 

Not even two years later I have seen that I just needed to shift my priorities and make the time for what is really important. I spend about 5-7 hours per week exercising and I don't feel like I am squeezing it in to my life, it is part of my life that I couldn't imagine not doing anymore. I can't begin to tell you how good it feels to push myself beyond what I thought I was capable of... and seeing that all the changes I often wondered were possible become a reality. 

So now, I need to make meditating a part of my life by just doing it... I had a quiet weekend where I was able to keep the noise level down which is not always possible with a tween in the household but if I want to make changes, true changes I need to find the way to make them happen. I am the only one who can make them happen, no one can do the work for me, no one can make those decisions for me... I am accountable to me...

Although I may stumble, I will not stay down or give up on myself... I have come too far to ever go back to where I was... I read a really wonderful blog this week from a woman I know personally... she has changed her life and lost a great deal of weight by making herself a priority... she talked about how she loved her 40+ year old body that was able to move even though she had spent many years being sedentary ... it made me think about how much I love my 51 year old body that I neglected for far too many years, yet it proves to me daily that it can change if I am willing to make the changes needed... 

Now I need to make the time for meditating the way I did for exercising... I know if I take the time to clear my mind through meditation, I can soar even higher than I ever dreamed...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest //  

Life Doesn't Get Easier, You Just Get Stronger

I lost focus this week because of disappointments, you would think I would know better by now but I am human, no matter how much I want to always rise above my challenges and disappointments just like that, it isn't that easy... some days I need to take the time and deal with the feelings and emotions of having life not work out the way I had hoped. What did I learn from it? I learned life doesn't get easier, I just get stronger.

 

It's okay that I take a step back but I have to decide if I am going to be stronger than the lesson or if I am going to give into it... I don't want to give into it, I have done that in the past. It didn't bring me happiness, I only thought it did at the time... This whole week I thought, life isn't fair... other people attain their dreams why not me? I know that sounds selfish and I don't like to sound that way, nor do I want to feel that way... Disappointment has a way of allowing me to feel that way, even though I know that absolutely no one has it easy. 

Just because I look at someones life and I think they have it all together, past experience has taught me that is crap, that's a lie... no one has it easy, no one has all that they desire or wish for... if they did, they would have nothing left to work towards. How boring would that be? The truth is that even though disappoints hurt more than I can ever convey, they also teach us something about ourselves. 

The real question is if I want to learn from it?... it means really looking deep inside myself and changing a part of myself bit by bit... It cannot all be changed overnight, that would be too much to deal with all at once. I have the choice of walking away and giving up but frankly that has never helped me grow, giving up always made things worse because the lesson comes back, bigger and stronger... I either take the time to learn from it now... or I learn from it the harder way later on.

This week taught me that I can either have excuses or I can make changes, I cannot have both, that is sitting on the fence and that isn't possible. There is no standing still, we are either moving forward or we are going backwards... and I don't want to go backwards anymore... I have learned the trip back is only more difficult than if I kept going forward to begin with.

Yes I have had huge disappointments and challenges many people would never want... but so has everyone else... and when I think about some of the other challenges other people have to deal with, I am grateful that I don't have them... Regardless of how many disappointments I have to deal with in the future, at least I know my worth and not everyone can say that... So, even though life doesn't get easier, I am thankful I am getting stronger.

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

All The Scars That Made Me Stronger

This last week was a week that gave me time to reflect, due to two massive snowstorms that essentially shut our city down. We had so much snow that it was actually a little scary... I thought about people who might need medical care or if a fire were to happen.

Thankfully I didn't lose power, so I just waited it out. I do live very close to a store that is open 24/7, so I ventured out there once the storm stopped. What normally takes me 3-4 minutes to get there, took me about 10-12 minutes of hard exercise. I used muscles I didn't even know I had.

We are all hoping this is the last of it, it's been a long hard Winter here that has made me think about some alternatives. Which I'll get into later after I look into my options more in depth. The Maritimes can be a tough place for the Winters, yet I am aware that all places have there weather issues.

It's much like the trials we have been given throughout our lives... we often think life would be easier without the challenges we have ... but truthfully aren't they what makes us who we are? Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by them and I just want to hide but there's a part of me that won't allow that.

I'm sure many of you know that I was burned in a fire when I was 15 months old, I wrote about it in the post The Fire - 48 Years Ago. Over the years I have often wondered where I would be in this life if I had not had to deal with the trial of the fire. I learned early on that we are not truly loved for what we look like on the outside, that comes from who we really are on the inside.

I have thought over the years that my being scarred has prevented me from finding love. I have even had a few men tell me that it bothered them, which hurt but I came to the conclusion that if they could not see past the outer me, they were missing out on the real me.

I am the girl who would love someone with her whole heart and I would be tenacious enough to never give up because of superficial things. I feel sorry for the men I have met in my life who couldn't look past the scars I have...We all have them, some of ours are more visible than others.

Even though my life was incredibly difficult with having to live with the scars, I don't think I would change it if I could because I might not have learned that we are not truly loved for who we are on the outside, it is what is inside that counts.

I believe those scars made me stronger, kinder and more compassionate than I would have been without them. They helped me to be more real, more myself and more understanding... I wouldn't trade them for anything. 

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Christmas This Year

Our Christmas tree, 2014

I have had another busy week at work, thankfully I had a little time to decorate the tree with Valentina... I completed my shopping, now baking and wrapping. I am thinking of begging someone else to do the wrapping as I don't have a fondness for it, I am usually wrapping on Christmas eve. I might actually have it all done by this weekend, that would be great, then I can just relax and enjoy my time off.

I read a couple of blogs that were writing about their goals for 2015, which has inspired me to think about the goals I want to set for myself. I don't care much for New Year's resolutions as I think the day we decided to change a behavior or do something good for ourselves is the right day for us. I also know from past experience that there are going to be many bumps on the road to my goals but it is the road I want to travel, so I will deal with the bumps as they show up.

I wanted to also take a moment to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas or any holiday you may observe... I wish you all much joy and happiness. I have been deeply touched by many of you over the last year as I dealt with my world being turned upside down, you reached out and gave me a little hope that one day it wouldn't be so difficult.

I won't be writing again until after Christmas, I want to spend as much time as I can with Valentina making memories, I am excited to see the look on her face when she opens her gifts. I never spend a lot of money but she is one of the most grateful little girls and this year I was able to get a few items she had been hoping for. . .  so I know she will be a little more excited this year.

My tree turned out beautiful after a small mishap... the first time we decorated, it fell over... it's back up though and all redecorated, I will share more of them on my media when Valentina is unwrapping her gifts. I will be back after Christmas but I will be checking in with you all when I can before that...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

I Choose To Rise‏

(Just a quick update, I finished my mid-term. I feel good with where I am at in the course and two, I have been doing really well with my food choices, it feels good that I am not giving into random food choices.)

I've been a little reflective lately, I kept wanting to get to a point of understanding and something came to me today. I know we have certain challenges given to us for a reason, we can choose to rise or fall to them.

I felt like if I could understand how this has made me a better person, has it taught me anything? I wanted to make sense of it... Today it did, I think I had to lose contact with 'him' so that I could understand the importance of keeping in contact with people even when things get tough. So many people across the world reached out to me and kept reaching out to me.

I felt like I wanted to put more effort in to get to know people better. Many of you are on other media sites with me (FaceBook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, FaceBook Fan Page, Bloglovin), where we interact through them, pretty regularly. I've made some real friends here, people that I would love to meet some day if I could... I should say will.

I think that if I hadn't dealt with such a great loss... I might not have come to know so many of you and so closely, all of your comments or messages always uplift me and make me smile... I lost a lot but I gained a great deal in return...

I understand that I had to be grateful for that loss or I might never understand why... I have some amazing memories of 'him'; I was very happy ... I had been wondering if the high was worth the low? The answer today is yes because I gained so much more. Today I choose to rise and show gratitude for difficult challenges.

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

A Little More Than Five Years Ago

I should be sleeping, as if that isn't what I have been telling myself for nearly ten months... I think when the upheaval started in my life the end of September, it threw everything out of whack for me... even though I am feeling more at peace in my life now, I still don't sleep any longer than a few hours at a time before I awaken... then I fall back to sleep.  In the beginning I worried about not getting the proper rest I needed to actually handle my day to day life and although I don't think it is a wonderful thing to go through life without proper sleep, the kind where you dream... I have managed to live and find ways around not getting deep sleep.

So, my Valentina came home from camp, she thoroughly enjoyed her time there... except for the massive bug bites she received... note to self, always remember bug spray in the future... apparently there are lots of mosquito's and such in the country.  I really missed her and it looks like she is going away for another week this Saturday.  She is excited because it gives her the opportunity to hang outside, play and swim, so I am very happy for her.

Also, just a bit of a catch up with everyone, I ate pretty well this week and better than that, I exercised four of the last six days ... it felt amazing. Unfortunately I was really ill over the weekend, not sure what it was... but it kept me indoors, I am feeling much better now.  I have even decided that I want to find a few people that will walk with me, however; I need them to be a little competitive, or they may end up walking by themselves as I don't want to just amble along.  This is why I have decided to look for some groups in my area of like minded people.  The more the better, since I want to exercise regularly... I want to set myself up for success.

A friend I hadn't spoken to for a while contacted me and we had a really good talk, the kind I haven't been able to have for a long time... I hadn't realized how much I had bottled up inside myself until we talked, it was a great release. I hope we can talk more regularly ... although we did promise to make time for each other, I know it will take a lot of work.  I am prepared to put in the work... hopefully my friend will too... I think we all need someone we can just say whatever we need to say and not worry about how it will sound.

Today I realized it has been a little over five years since I started my blog... I remember writing my first post and publishing it... I never thought I would write over 700 posts since that day. Everyone who has read my blog, knows that I started to write it to give myself a voice.  I had lost myself along the way when I married my ex Andrey and after he raped me in 2008 I went inward and tried to forget it. Of course that never works, that only serves to destroy a person.  Talking about it was the only way I came through to the other side... once I started writing, I started talking more and once I did that, I found myself and my voice.

Then in late 2011 I fell in love with 'him' and he became the center of my life and my blog... mainly because he was my best friend and he helped me to want better for myself.  I grew a lot in the two plus years we talked... one of them being that I found my self esteem that I had been missing for so many years.  Two, I remember when we first started dating and I used to think how lucky I was to be with 'him'... then I remember last summer thinking how lucky 'he' and I were that we made it through dating and stayed friends.  Today, almost a year later, I honestly believe, 'he' was lucky to be with me.

I know that sounds conceited but I am not, nor have I ever been.  I say that now because I can look back with open eyes and see that I gave a hundred percent of myself to 'him', even when I knew we were only friends. I would never have walked away from 'him' for any reason... that is why 'he' was lucky to be with me, I would not turn my back on him for any reason, not even now.  

A little more than five years after writing my first post, I can look back and say it was one of the best things I ever decided to do in my life.  I found a passion with writing... this was something I wanted to do for years. Also, I connected with many people across the globe, something that I never would have done without the blog.  I have wanted to travel for years, writing this blog makes me want to travel more, I would love to meet many of you. I am not going to write names because there are so many and I would never want to leave anyone out. I am just grateful for each and everyone of you for being there for me as I hope I am there for you too.

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Back, Refreshed And Ready To Work On My Goals

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.

I am back, back to social media, back to blogging.  I think I just needed a short break to clear my head and get my priorities straight.  When I originally took the break it was to take the time to look for an apartment, after discussing this with Cindy, I have decided to wait until after the new year.  She is right, I have had too many changes in the last few months and I am still working on getting healthy, plus Christmas is around the corner.  It's probably best not to be in the middle of packing when I am trying to have Christmas for Valentina.  So, that is on the back burner for now, I will revisit that in January or February, I will be more settled with other things in my life too.

I should actually be at or very near my goal weight by February and then I will just be maintaining it... I say that like it will be an easy thing, not... I don't have delusions about that, I am sure I will yo-yo up and down with five or ten pounds until I figure out how many calories I should be eating and how much I need to exercise. I am up for the challenge though, I know I never what to go back to where I was and I really enjoy all my new exercise.  I went out to Zumba class last night, I arrived early enough that I was able to walk the track for thirty some minutes, it felt amazing... I have not been walking as much as I used to as I had chosen Zumba and swimming.

Well, last night proved that I missed walking and it truly is my forte... I have decided that I will definitely be walking more.  I adore Zumba but because I don't know all the steps and some of them I am unable to do because of my knees, I don't feel that I get the best workout there.  I am still going to go but I am going to be walking the track for thirty minutes before I take my Zumba class, that way I will get a decent work out. Besides I want to do more 5K's in the future and eventually I would like to do a 10K.

I will start back to commenting on the blogs I follow tonight, however; I am not going to be able to comment on every single one of them, especially if they are daily blogs.  I will read them all, I have still been reading them while I took my break but I just figured out that I follow well over 200 blogs just on Bloglovin alone, it is near impossible for me to keep up with them all with comments. I do love to comment though and I will comment when I can, I just wanted you all to know that I have been reading them while I was off, I usually read them on my phone while I was on my long bus ride too and from work, so it made the time pass and I was entertained.

I also want to thank each of you for your comments and the readers who actually take the time to read my blog.  I truly appreciate it as I know it can be time consuming.  I have somethings I want to write but I will save that for another time... Suffice to say the time off brought a lot of changes and I came to an understanding about something that I was concerned about, I am not concerned about it any longer.  I don't have to be concerned, that is wasting my energy and I need all of my energy to work towards each of my goals.